where did I go wrong?
...cause I'm not here for your entertainment,
you don't really want to mess with me tonight
just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
cause you know it's over, before it began...
The Bachelor? Man, it's a pimp show. The guys gets to date 25 girls and at the end probably end up sleeping with half of them. He told two girls he loved them last night. What the hell? He ditched one and proposed to the other one. Great. Imagine being that other girl, I'd be pissed. Especially after he told me that I make him smile and that I make him experience a feeling he's never had before. I don't know how they do it.
I thought after classes were over, I'd be less stressed. But I'm not. Things keep piling up that are making me just want to crawl into bed and not deal with the rest of the world, which explains my behavior lately in all aspects of life.
We told the landlord were leaving. She's cutting us some slack in part because she thinks I'm studying abroad this semester, when in reality it's a whole year before that dream becomes a reality. However, she can start showing this place on thursday - see, that's no good. We weren't suppose to have Cole and Leo here and now, we have to compensate for that and clean every waking moment (which technically, that's what I should be doing right now). I thought I'd be okay with leaving this place, but I don't think I am. I told everyone that moving back wouldn't be such a big deal, but I've come to realize it might be a little harder than I think. But again, new car needs to be paid for and if Austrailia is what I really want, then moving back home is for the best.
Friends. I didn't realize how many of you guys would be gone this summer. That's a killer. I don't like not being able to call you up and tell you that you need to be here in five minutes for a really good story or so we can vent and watch movies. I can't handle you guys being so far away when there's so much going on. But I'll deal, and I'll stop whining. Just expect 3948023948230 texts.
Dance. Dance is going to kill me the next few weeks. I have dance the next three days and then I have to meet with Eric so that we can continue practicing. I don't know, in a way, I can't wait for it to be over, because the one class is a complete embarrassment, but at least Stef will be there with me so that it's not a total disaster. Hell week starts next week which will only add to any stress I'm already experiencing.
Work. I can't believe they are transferring her. It's completely unfair and what's more unfair is that you told her I might be going with her? Bullshit. I'm not leaving that store for a different store. The time I leave the place is for a new job, so suck it, I'm not leaving or you lose me for good. Needless to say, you want me to work on that goddamn book for two weeks and I just got done with school? Yea, blow me.
Canada - I can't wait. Honestly, I need to get away. I need to clear my mind from all the drama Oswego brings and all the unwanted situations I put myself into. I thought I could deal, I really did. But I'm so screwed up from all of it that I'm just digging myself in deeper and you don't see it. I bend over backwards to get you to like me and I come away with... the same old shit. I can't play this game anymore and I don't know why I thought I could. I need you to realize... I don't know. I need more.
And I'm not okay with any of this right now. I can't pretend like everything is okay because I just want to break down. All I want to do is crawl into bed when I get home and pretend that everything is okay.
...but I'll just keep on smiling.