Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions, oh let's go back to the start...
This is the first time, in a long time, that I’ve felt severely and utterly alone - where not a single person in this world can relate… and where I can’t begin to describe the emotions that have flooded this body of mine.
I’ve had people say they are worried. I’ve had others say we need to talk. I’ve had other people tell me that its not really all that bad. I’ve had many tell me that I need to do what’s right for me and not care about anyone else. I’ve had a handful of people tell me they are there for me - but I really don’t understand what they mean. I’ve had numerous people say they love me - but I’ve begun to question just what that really means lately. I’ve had a few tell me what to do. And then I have the ones that tell me that everything is going to be alright. And I really want to believe them.
Because I want everything to be alright. I want to be able to be happy and smile and laugh all the time, but lately, I’ve had absolutely no motivation to do that. And that sucks, and that makes people not want to be around me - when in reality, I’d rather be I need to be around people than be by myself - because that way I’m not thinking about everything that’s not right all the time.
I can’t wait to be back in the routine of being on the go everyday and not having time to think about anything - because that’s it - I won’t have time to think about it all and I’ll be able to move on with my life and figure out “what’s best for me.”
Because I don’t want to think about how life is going to change and how something new is going to change everything and make me lose things I’ve become attached to and people I’ve become really attached to. Because, to be completely honest, I need you. I need you more than I think anyone in this entire world realizes. You have helped me to become the person I want to be and I want to be there for you and I want to be the one that’s around and I want to be part of your life still - but I don’t know if that’s possible, at least not to the extent that it was for us. Because I love you, I know you know that, but as much as that’s true I don’t think I can do this. I can’t be strong for you and you need that right now. I can’t tell you everything is going to be alright - because I don’t know. I can’t tell you things aren’t going to change - because they are. And when you said what you said last night - I wanted to break down and cry right there because I know it’s going to happen. And when she asked if you were going to and you said for yourself - I didn’t know how to react to that because I don’t want you to do that - but if that’s what you want - that’s how it’s going to be. That’s what I’ve learned about you; if you want something bad enough - you’ll get it.
I really just want to crawl into bed and have you tell me everything is going to be alright…
I’ve had people say they are worried. I’ve had others say we need to talk. I’ve had other people tell me that its not really all that bad. I’ve had many tell me that I need to do what’s right for me and not care about anyone else. I’ve had a handful of people tell me they are there for me - but I really don’t understand what they mean. I’ve had numerous people say they love me - but I’ve begun to question just what that really means lately. I’ve had a few tell me what to do. And then I have the ones that tell me that everything is going to be alright. And I really want to believe them.
Because I want everything to be alright. I want to be able to be happy and smile and laugh all the time, but lately, I’ve had absolutely no motivation to do that. And that sucks, and that makes people not want to be around me - when in reality, I’d rather be I need to be around people than be by myself - because that way I’m not thinking about everything that’s not right all the time.
I can’t wait to be back in the routine of being on the go everyday and not having time to think about anything - because that’s it - I won’t have time to think about it all and I’ll be able to move on with my life and figure out “what’s best for me.”
Because I don’t want to think about how life is going to change and how something new is going to change everything and make me lose things I’ve become attached to and people I’ve become really attached to. Because, to be completely honest, I need you. I need you more than I think anyone in this entire world realizes. You have helped me to become the person I want to be and I want to be there for you and I want to be the one that’s around and I want to be part of your life still - but I don’t know if that’s possible, at least not to the extent that it was for us. Because I love you, I know you know that, but as much as that’s true I don’t think I can do this. I can’t be strong for you and you need that right now. I can’t tell you everything is going to be alright - because I don’t know. I can’t tell you things aren’t going to change - because they are. And when you said what you said last night - I wanted to break down and cry right there because I know it’s going to happen. And when she asked if you were going to and you said for yourself - I didn’t know how to react to that because I don’t want you to do that - but if that’s what you want - that’s how it’s going to be. That’s what I’ve learned about you; if you want something bad enough - you’ll get it.
I really just want to crawl into bed and have you tell me everything is going to be alright…