I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel...
Basically, nobody gets it.
I haven't had time to sort this all out. It was thrown at me, just like it was at you or her or him. But nobody has answers. That's the point. Nobody knows what's going to happen to any of us. It's uncertain (and we all know how much I hate uncertainty). And that's what I can't deal with. I can't deal with knowing I have options. I want you to say to me that this is the way it's going to be, because I can deal with that. I can't deal with having to figure this one out for myself.
I want someone to tell me that it's okay to be alright. I want to tell you that it's going to be alright. Lately I just want to sit down and tell you something, because I rarely get a chance to do that anymore - and to be completely honest, it kills me. It kills me.
But is it wrong for me to be mad? I feel like a horrible person for feeling that way. I know this wasn't intentional - believe, im not saying that at all. But I'm mad. I'm mad that things aren't going to be the way they were suppose to be. No one can change my feelings on that. I realize change is going to be a big part of life now, for all of us, but I don't want it to be - and who knows what is actually going to be.
I've broken down every day/night for the past week because that's my way of dealing with this. And I'll admit, I'm being a baby about it all. But, nobody gets it. Nobody realizes that this is changing for me. It's affected everything.
I realize that you might have been trying to help me the other night, but I don't think you realized you hurt my feelings in the process. You made me feel so small and made my feelings seem ridiculous. And I'm sorry, but I wasn't expecting that from you. You of all people should know that shitty situations happen but you can't help the way you feel. That's why I was shocked that you even said what you said to me. And yea, you might get mad that I wrote about it in here, but I'm sorry. I vent in this thing - it's the only thing that keeps me from not having a mental breakdown every second of the day. I love you, okay? But I didn't need that, not now. I understand that you are there if I need to talk, I know you are just a phone call away and that miles wont separate the friendship we have and I will talk to you, when I know what is going on. Uncertainty makes me not want to talk because I don't know what to do. I hate that. You know I hate that. I will talk to you. Don't be mad at me.
I haven't had time to sort this all out. It was thrown at me, just like it was at you or her or him. But nobody has answers. That's the point. Nobody knows what's going to happen to any of us. It's uncertain (and we all know how much I hate uncertainty). And that's what I can't deal with. I can't deal with knowing I have options. I want you to say to me that this is the way it's going to be, because I can deal with that. I can't deal with having to figure this one out for myself.
I want someone to tell me that it's okay to be alright. I want to tell you that it's going to be alright. Lately I just want to sit down and tell you something, because I rarely get a chance to do that anymore - and to be completely honest, it kills me. It kills me.
But is it wrong for me to be mad? I feel like a horrible person for feeling that way. I know this wasn't intentional - believe, im not saying that at all. But I'm mad. I'm mad that things aren't going to be the way they were suppose to be. No one can change my feelings on that. I realize change is going to be a big part of life now, for all of us, but I don't want it to be - and who knows what is actually going to be.
I've broken down every day/night for the past week because that's my way of dealing with this. And I'll admit, I'm being a baby about it all. But, nobody gets it. Nobody realizes that this is changing for me. It's affected everything.
I realize that you might have been trying to help me the other night, but I don't think you realized you hurt my feelings in the process. You made me feel so small and made my feelings seem ridiculous. And I'm sorry, but I wasn't expecting that from you. You of all people should know that shitty situations happen but you can't help the way you feel. That's why I was shocked that you even said what you said to me. And yea, you might get mad that I wrote about it in here, but I'm sorry. I vent in this thing - it's the only thing that keeps me from not having a mental breakdown every second of the day. I love you, okay? But I didn't need that, not now. I understand that you are there if I need to talk, I know you are just a phone call away and that miles wont separate the friendship we have and I will talk to you, when I know what is going on. Uncertainty makes me not want to talk because I don't know what to do. I hate that. You know I hate that. I will talk to you. Don't be mad at me.