(no subject)
i wanted to know why you felt the way you do about what i wrote.
i didnt realize how short the time was. i didnt realize how it sounded.
i was trying to hold onto something, so i had something to show for it
a year of torture, putting myself second, trying to be the perfect guy,
what a dumbass i was. how could i have been so dumb. i read it all now and
cant remember what the fuck i was thinking, how could i be so dumb, how
could i. i was so caught in it, struggling more allowing the quicksand
to only consume me sooner. i was so lucky the way things happened really
look at my life now, how great it is. i finally got my girl, i finally won the right battle
im so thankful i lost the others, some sweet irony that led me to my home
but it hurts you, the words that stumbled from my mouth, the fake love that
i warred for. it hurts you, you cant stop thinking about it you cant stop hurting
emotions arise in me i want to pick a fight, punch the concrete, i want to hurt
for hurting you, if i hurt you i dont want to be. if loving me hurts then i feel
i should stop you, leave without word, smash my phone, delete my facebook
id rather be dead inside and give up everything than have you hurt.
i feel guilty when youre displeased with me, you gave up a life for me, friends
a boyfriend to be with me and maybe feeling nothing is better then hurt
its wrong to break up a happy home, what about a simplly solid one.
My love for you does not allow me to entertain these as possibilities, no one
could love you like i love you, no one could appreciate every kiss like i do,
no one could live for your touch, long for your word a fraction as much as me
i know thousands of others could love you and find you to be the remarkable
beautiful person you are but none could feel as i do, i am so ashamed of what
ive done, i hate that my past and especially my lie hurts you. i feel as though
im selfish by feeling so great with you, while you hurt. i know you love me and
i know how aprreciative you are, but i hate hurting you even a little. be it an accidental
head butt or comment that hurts your heart, i hate hurting you, i hate myself for
being capable of it. i write not to tell you how much i despise my actions, i write
because i dont want to punch the wall, i want to be with you
i want to hug you and hold tight, never surrendering, im not going to allow myslef to hurt
you but i have to be there with you, im too selfish to do otherwise.
i didnt realize how short the time was. i didnt realize how it sounded.
i was trying to hold onto something, so i had something to show for it
a year of torture, putting myself second, trying to be the perfect guy,
what a dumbass i was. how could i have been so dumb. i read it all now and
cant remember what the fuck i was thinking, how could i be so dumb, how
could i. i was so caught in it, struggling more allowing the quicksand
to only consume me sooner. i was so lucky the way things happened really
look at my life now, how great it is. i finally got my girl, i finally won the right battle
im so thankful i lost the others, some sweet irony that led me to my home
but it hurts you, the words that stumbled from my mouth, the fake love that
i warred for. it hurts you, you cant stop thinking about it you cant stop hurting
emotions arise in me i want to pick a fight, punch the concrete, i want to hurt
for hurting you, if i hurt you i dont want to be. if loving me hurts then i feel
i should stop you, leave without word, smash my phone, delete my facebook
id rather be dead inside and give up everything than have you hurt.
i feel guilty when youre displeased with me, you gave up a life for me, friends
a boyfriend to be with me and maybe feeling nothing is better then hurt
its wrong to break up a happy home, what about a simplly solid one.
My love for you does not allow me to entertain these as possibilities, no one
could love you like i love you, no one could appreciate every kiss like i do,
no one could live for your touch, long for your word a fraction as much as me
i know thousands of others could love you and find you to be the remarkable
beautiful person you are but none could feel as i do, i am so ashamed of what
ive done, i hate that my past and especially my lie hurts you. i feel as though
im selfish by feeling so great with you, while you hurt. i know you love me and
i know how aprreciative you are, but i hate hurting you even a little. be it an accidental
head butt or comment that hurts your heart, i hate hurting you, i hate myself for
being capable of it. i write not to tell you how much i despise my actions, i write
because i dont want to punch the wall, i want to be with you
i want to hug you and hold tight, never surrendering, im not going to allow myslef to hurt
you but i have to be there with you, im too selfish to do otherwise.