thinking fucking sucks
why do i keep thinking that jeremy just used me, i dont want to think that but he did sleep with me and then start acting differently after, and thats the reason i dont usually sleep with someone before i am with them, cause then i feel used, not that i am saying i want to go out with him, cause i know that will never happen, and i know he will always be in love with amy anyways, not that i would have a chance even if he didnt want to be with her, but it just sucks cause my head is always thinking and i wish i had no thoughts and no feelings cause then it would make everything so much simpler,,,,grrrr,,,, i just want to shut all the thoughts off and never care again cause i would never get hurt, i think i am just used to being alone and probably will always be alone, cause that is probably what will happen, i lose all the people i care about anyways so why the fuck do i care about anyone, life sux, i hate everything grrrrr.... pauley and sumpter keep trying to reassure me that he wasnt just using me for a peice of ass and that he is actually my friend i hope that is true but they all talk about reveryone when they leave anyways so i am sure when i leave it is no different and they probably have shit to say about me when i leave to, or maybe not i dont know its just how it feels....