hmmm
well live is odd live is stange..... i dont know what i want anymore, everytime i think i have figured out what i want i get confused... i am tired of putting my feelings on the line just to get hurt again... i want one person and have finally figured out that the one person i want will probably never decide to settle down so forever i will probably always feel alone.... i will always love him and my feelings will never go away, i have tried and tried to get them to go away but it never happens, i will never understand how if he really loved me he could of fell in love with someone else, how could it be true love if he could love someone else that easily but i know i will always love him and i will die loving him... i dont care what all you people say i know you all think i am stupid for loving matt but i never felt so content or in love before with anyone but him.... and i dont think i ever will some things just cant be explained... were perfect for each other and always will be... i have never been able to do the things i could do in front of him with anyone else... i could never cry like i cried in front of him and admit everything about myself to someone like i did to him... he knows everything about me and no one else will ever know everything like he does and no one will ever understand me like he does and if he goes to jail for these 2 years it will be me that waits for him everyday like i did before and even if it is only to be friends when he gets out then fine at least he will be in my life, i just want him happy and if it aint with me then i guess it wasnt meant to be but i will never love anyone like i love him....ever since we broke up i can not get use to the fact that i aint coming home to him, i felt so complete when i was with him, i knew i was coming home to the same person every night and that made me feel good, i feel so lost and i dont feel like i have a home no more... i feel so lonely knowing i cant go home to him and feel like a family anymore, he was my family he made me feel complete, life aint the same without him... i miss his little baby talks and how he whines when i dont kiss him enough lol it is so cute.... i grew so attached that when we broke up i didnt know how to live life anymore i am so lost and confused, i feel like a lost puppy trying to find my ways home but just cant find the way.... i ask myself everyday why this happened to me what did i do wrong to lose him, i was faithful and devoted but i guess that wasnt enough, i wish i could figure out what else i could of done to have gotten him to stay..... i dont care what anyone thinks anymore he is my SOULMATE and always will be till i die.... so if anyone has a problem with this then fuck offf...... i love you forever and always will love, jessi (angelkisses)