This is to someone... the people who know me and what's going on know who...
It's scary how you can do this to me. It's been so long, but every time I hear from you, I feel like I'm going to cry. Heh, sometimes I do. I know that what we had is gone, which is one of the reasons you don't know how I feel about you... I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all... I don't want to scare you away. I'll keep myself in check, listening about a new girl you meet and hoping for the best, because all I want is to see you happy. I know you haven't had the best luck lately with females, but you will. You're too amazing of a person... it's hard not to love you. Believe me, I was trying to for a while, but I stopped when I realized how futile my efforts were. You're an amazing man, and I'm grateful to have had you at all. It does create a bit of a problem, because now I have to lower my expectations... I've met nice guys and all, but no one compares to you... I'm working on having someone half as amazing as you be enough for me.
I miss you so much, and would do anything for just one more chance... but I know that's not going to happen. So, I'll sit here and love you as much as you'll allow me to, be the friend you are letting me be, and be grateful.
I'll still do more for you than any one of my friends, excluding my family and Helen. Heh, Wanda would be included, but she's in Texas, so the most I can do for her is give her someone to talk to. If you're sick I'll still do what I did when we were together and walk or find some way by you to make sure you're being taken care of... make you some soup, and make sure you actually eat it, tuck you in and make sure you rest enough, and take care of anything else I can to make sure you feel better faster. I'll give you someone to talk to, no matter what you want to talk about or how long you need. I'll be here to listen and do what I can to let you know someone cares. I'll be everything you'll let me be in your life, and strive to be the best I can with it all.
I've been thinking about going active duty, partially for the benefits it will give me and partially because I've been so depressed lately. Then you called out of the blue and my perspective on things have started to change a little bit. I've decided to cut down on the smoking of the weed, quitting so I can see you, rather than being sent to jail and shit. I'm thinking about staying here, because being your friend gives me one more person to have an input on the maintenance of my sanity. I'm pushing myself more than I was even a week ago on keeping my head and trying to get the shit done that I need to. You inspire me to be the best I can, strive for what I didn't think I could achieve, and know that if I try hard enough I will get it, no matter how hard the road may be on the way. All I've seen besides the spot in my life with you has been broken roads anyway, so what's a few more? I'm working on getting to where I can pave my own, no matter how long it takes, and make it perfect.
The hardest thing about knowing you is trying not to read into things too much. We saw each other last and you made a comment about how it was like old times, but it wasn't. If it was, I would have been telling you how much I love you and opting for some cuddling after lunner (it was at 1700, so not quite time for dinner but well past lunch). If it was, I would have been crying, more than likely, because I would have gotten something I've been dreaming about for a while now, something I know I can't get. I want you to know what I feel for you, just in case you feel the same, but I can't say anything because I know you don't. At least you care still, I can talk to you and have you be what you used to be... someone who will let me talk, get it all out, and not try to bug me for advice, not tell me you're sorry, not say the things that are just so cliche because everyone says them when they're trying to make someone feel better. You just let me get it out... the only thing missing is the holding that you'd do after I got it all out to give me comfort and let me know I'm safe. There's so much I can say, but this has already taken so much out of me and I could go on for hours... so I'm done. Finger feet.
I miss you so much, and would do anything for just one more chance... but I know that's not going to happen. So, I'll sit here and love you as much as you'll allow me to, be the friend you are letting me be, and be grateful.
I'll still do more for you than any one of my friends, excluding my family and Helen. Heh, Wanda would be included, but she's in Texas, so the most I can do for her is give her someone to talk to. If you're sick I'll still do what I did when we were together and walk or find some way by you to make sure you're being taken care of... make you some soup, and make sure you actually eat it, tuck you in and make sure you rest enough, and take care of anything else I can to make sure you feel better faster. I'll give you someone to talk to, no matter what you want to talk about or how long you need. I'll be here to listen and do what I can to let you know someone cares. I'll be everything you'll let me be in your life, and strive to be the best I can with it all.
I've been thinking about going active duty, partially for the benefits it will give me and partially because I've been so depressed lately. Then you called out of the blue and my perspective on things have started to change a little bit. I've decided to cut down on the smoking of the weed, quitting so I can see you, rather than being sent to jail and shit. I'm thinking about staying here, because being your friend gives me one more person to have an input on the maintenance of my sanity. I'm pushing myself more than I was even a week ago on keeping my head and trying to get the shit done that I need to. You inspire me to be the best I can, strive for what I didn't think I could achieve, and know that if I try hard enough I will get it, no matter how hard the road may be on the way. All I've seen besides the spot in my life with you has been broken roads anyway, so what's a few more? I'm working on getting to where I can pave my own, no matter how long it takes, and make it perfect.
The hardest thing about knowing you is trying not to read into things too much. We saw each other last and you made a comment about how it was like old times, but it wasn't. If it was, I would have been telling you how much I love you and opting for some cuddling after lunner (it was at 1700, so not quite time for dinner but well past lunch). If it was, I would have been crying, more than likely, because I would have gotten something I've been dreaming about for a while now, something I know I can't get. I want you to know what I feel for you, just in case you feel the same, but I can't say anything because I know you don't. At least you care still, I can talk to you and have you be what you used to be... someone who will let me talk, get it all out, and not try to bug me for advice, not tell me you're sorry, not say the things that are just so cliche because everyone says them when they're trying to make someone feel better. You just let me get it out... the only thing missing is the holding that you'd do after I got it all out to give me comfort and let me know I'm safe. There's so much I can say, but this has already taken so much out of me and I could go on for hours... so I'm done. Finger feet.