Love?
I think for the first time in my life, I actually somewhat believe that someone loves me...and I am amazed to see that I can give love back too...For as long as I can remeber, Ive distanced myself whenever I got close to someone, and have had pointless relationships, because im too scared to let myself love someone and be betrayed...(thanks dad, i owe that shit to you!)
Anyways, Chippy came to watch mothman prophecies(weird fuckin movie...) and we just layed interwined in each others arms...and for the first time in my life, I felt safe. It was the most amazing thing in the world...I felt like no one could hurt me, or betray me, as long as I stayed in his loving arms...
Its crazy, I cant believe Im allowing myself to feel so deeply for someone..but hes showed me that I can love again, and I am worthy of being loved...its scary, but at the same time, i feel like i have a glimpse of what i will be like to be free of pain and trauma of the past..I know I still have a long journey, but i have this little tear of hope, and I hope it will one day become a waterfall, flowing endlessly, and i will have so much hope i will not know what the hell to do with myself! HA!
Anyways, Ive been pretty damn lazy today...once Chippy left, I ate some salad and chicken, then needed a cigarette (3 today so far...eeeek)
Oh by the way, I peirced my cartilage on my right ear..ha, the dumb ass woman at the mall didnt id me..oh well...! But my mom doesnt know, and shed be pissed if she saw it cause she already thinks my 3 holes are trashy, and not to mention my tattoo...
She didnt freak out that bad when she saw that...suprisingly..sometimes i wonder if she realizes im going to do what i want with my body, and she cant do shiat about it!
But, weirdly, on channel one in economics today, it was talking about getting cartilaged peirced and how you can get "cauliflower ear" im like ahhhhh!!! thats a freakin weird coincidence, huh? Some im cleaning it like crazy...I dont need another prob! lol
Anyways, my moms about to make some salad and shrimp...mmm...
my fat ass doesnt need it, but its ok cause ive barely ate all day...
Chippys on his way over, so im gonna shower real quick, and i will write more when im finally alone again tonight! hope yall are having a good day : )
~*~Madison~*~
Anyways, Chippy came to watch mothman prophecies(weird fuckin movie...) and we just layed interwined in each others arms...and for the first time in my life, I felt safe. It was the most amazing thing in the world...I felt like no one could hurt me, or betray me, as long as I stayed in his loving arms...
Its crazy, I cant believe Im allowing myself to feel so deeply for someone..but hes showed me that I can love again, and I am worthy of being loved...its scary, but at the same time, i feel like i have a glimpse of what i will be like to be free of pain and trauma of the past..I know I still have a long journey, but i have this little tear of hope, and I hope it will one day become a waterfall, flowing endlessly, and i will have so much hope i will not know what the hell to do with myself! HA!
Anyways, Ive been pretty damn lazy today...once Chippy left, I ate some salad and chicken, then needed a cigarette (3 today so far...eeeek)
Oh by the way, I peirced my cartilage on my right ear..ha, the dumb ass woman at the mall didnt id me..oh well...! But my mom doesnt know, and shed be pissed if she saw it cause she already thinks my 3 holes are trashy, and not to mention my tattoo...
She didnt freak out that bad when she saw that...suprisingly..sometimes i wonder if she realizes im going to do what i want with my body, and she cant do shiat about it!
But, weirdly, on channel one in economics today, it was talking about getting cartilaged peirced and how you can get "cauliflower ear" im like ahhhhh!!! thats a freakin weird coincidence, huh? Some im cleaning it like crazy...I dont need another prob! lol
Anyways, my moms about to make some salad and shrimp...mmm...
my fat ass doesnt need it, but its ok cause ive barely ate all day...
Chippys on his way over, so im gonna shower real quick, and i will write more when im finally alone again tonight! hope yall are having a good day : )
~*~Madison~*~