Happy Birthday, Ash.
My birthday today, and once again I have a case of the melancholies. So what else is a little Emo kid to do but post on Livejournal? The day was pretty sweet for most of it, I was hanging out with my nephew Declyn and it was good. Just me and him, I hung on the floor with him, he kept crawling over to me and giving me hugs, and that's all I wanted. Actually, it was insanely cute at the point where I took him outside to play on the grass. Usually he crawls around a bit, sits and looks at trees, rolls around... he freaking loves it on the grass. Well today when I took him out, popped him down and sat by him, he just crawls over to me and climbs up my front and wouldn't stop hugging me. Which was like, the best thing to possibly happen on my birthday. And I would have been hapy to leave it at that, just me chilling out at home with my nephew.
But of course, my parents decided we had to DO something, and I was really not that interested, but in celebration we went out to tea at the pub. See, normally this would be awesome and I'd be all for it, but we have the little guy in tow. Pubs arent really that baby-friendly... well, he is expected to sit in a high chair and play with a few toys that we brought for him, but he can't crawl around freely or anything, and I really would have preferred to stay home and have pizza and not leave the house. But I sorta had to go along with it, cos it gets Mum out of the house and they needed to think they were doing something for me, and suddenly my Birthday wasn't all about me, it was about accommodating everyone else.
So we went, and of course Declyn was wriggly and bored, and Mum was on edge like she normally is the whole time, and it was really not a relaxing experience. Towards the end as my parents were trying to initiate a family conversation (Jesse was nose deep in his phone, and Luke kept getting SMSes from all the skankiest girls in SA) and you could tell neither really cared for conversation.
Then Jesse realises one of his pays is going in tonight (He works 2 jobs. I can't get one and he has two. And he's an asshole with a bad attitude who keeps screwing around. And he gets 2 jobs, and the sun shines out his ass. FUCK MY LIFE)and mum mentions, Oh good she'll get hers too (Meaning, Jesse will pay his bit of board to her). Oh, that means Dad will get his soon too, and I'm just there with moths fluttering out of my fucking wallet (OK, so I had birthday money, but fuck.)
I keep it to myself, and dad pops off for... something, I unno, I had my own thoughts, and Mum wants to know what kind of Cake I want. Which is stupid really, cos
1) I told her the first day I was down I would like a pavlova (Which kinda needed to be purchased and made at least in the morning, so too late) but I'd changed my mind by then and CBF but still
2) I really love black Forest, but I can't have it because
3) The only place in Kadina to get cake is woolworths, and the only choices are Chocolate w choc icing, or plain with nothing.
So, I say, "I don't mind, just normal cake" to which she senses I'm not my usual perky self, but I tell her it's fine and no, really, nothing's wrong - Oh, incidentally I can't tell her any-thing's wrong, ever, cos she's so piled up with the shit of my nephew, who is cool, my brother, who is a fucking retard, and my brother's EX (HEAR THAT YOU STUPID FUCKING MOLE, _EX!!!_ HE IS NOT WITH YOU AND NEVER WILL BE AGAIN, SO HELP ME GOD!!!) so if I even in passing mention I might have any issues, heavens knows she's liable to keel over. - after which Dad gets back, and we head off, and in the car Dad wants to know what cake I wanted. I'd already mentioned a love of blackforest to him earlier in the day, and he was all, oh if only we had known before, it could have been ordered, but too late now. And I had passed that to mum, so after I say, "Any will be fine. Normal. Whatever" she pipes in with "He wanted a blackforest cake" and Dad's going on about getting a blackforest icecream, and they were going on with ideas till I (Rather nastilly I know, they were only being nice) said, "I just want a fucking plain normal cake for fucking fucks sake"... because really, by this time I was past depressed about lack of money, boyfriend, and serenity. And I didn't want a fucking cake at all, I wanted to go home and park my arse and not talk to another person for the rest of my birthday, or at least face to face. Online was still awesome(I was loving the wishes, thanks guys).
So I got, surprise surprise, the chocolate cake from woolies, and we head home, and I don't want to talk. Just sit and watch telly but of course we need to do the cake, and fine, in half an hour, like I give 2 shits. Then that rolls around, and mum and dad are debating over who gets to light the candles, and THANK FUCKERRY Luke just started lighting them. And yay, happy birthday, woo whoopetty fuck, and I blow out the candles.
Ever heard of the tradition of, when you blow out the candles, however many are left is how many lovers you will have in the next year? I blew them all out, and next I hear "Ha, Ash has no girlfriends" and I nearly cry. And they think it's a Joke, and dad tried to make a portal reference, that there was cake at the end and HE PLAYED THAT FUCKING GAME HE SHOULD KNOW THERE WAS NO CAKE AT THE END and then they bring up the song, and trying to make a happy comment while they're all going on about how good I thought my birthday was, I just say "This was a triumph" AND I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING, DAD STARTS SINGING THE GOD DAMN SONG.
So at that moment, I cut the cake and sincerely wished to die. Quickly and painlessly. Didn't happen.
Anywho, I ate my cake and went back to my sorrow, and Mum had changed the channel to "Australia's got talent". The rage could not have boiled much higher as I watched that shit, for as soon as they even let the 2 shitheads with the jackass act in the auditions they lost all credibility with me. Please, take those 2 out back and shoot them along with Kyle, give that last singer a recording contract, kill the show and never pull that shit again, ever, for any reason. Dad notices I'm a bit off, and wants to go for a walk, and I jump at the chance, because MAYBE I could offload my issues.
Yeah, fuck that. When he asks what I thought of my birthday, I start straight off with being a bit sad cos of the joblessness, the singleness... and then get to spend the rest of the walk hearing about how this is good cos I'm not tied down (OH FUCKING WOO), how he had the same shit when he was looking for work, and the dickheads he works with, and all him him him, and once again, my Father completely misses the point. I have shit I need to get off my chest and can't get in a real word.
So, yeah. Right now I'm thinking I should hit the drinks fridge for any loose alcohol, drink away the misery of ever stepping foot in this shithole town, and hope to die in my sleep like I fucking want.
But of course, my parents decided we had to DO something, and I was really not that interested, but in celebration we went out to tea at the pub. See, normally this would be awesome and I'd be all for it, but we have the little guy in tow. Pubs arent really that baby-friendly... well, he is expected to sit in a high chair and play with a few toys that we brought for him, but he can't crawl around freely or anything, and I really would have preferred to stay home and have pizza and not leave the house. But I sorta had to go along with it, cos it gets Mum out of the house and they needed to think they were doing something for me, and suddenly my Birthday wasn't all about me, it was about accommodating everyone else.
So we went, and of course Declyn was wriggly and bored, and Mum was on edge like she normally is the whole time, and it was really not a relaxing experience. Towards the end as my parents were trying to initiate a family conversation (Jesse was nose deep in his phone, and Luke kept getting SMSes from all the skankiest girls in SA) and you could tell neither really cared for conversation.
Then Jesse realises one of his pays is going in tonight (He works 2 jobs. I can't get one and he has two. And he's an asshole with a bad attitude who keeps screwing around. And he gets 2 jobs, and the sun shines out his ass. FUCK MY LIFE)and mum mentions, Oh good she'll get hers too (Meaning, Jesse will pay his bit of board to her). Oh, that means Dad will get his soon too, and I'm just there with moths fluttering out of my fucking wallet (OK, so I had birthday money, but fuck.)
I keep it to myself, and dad pops off for... something, I unno, I had my own thoughts, and Mum wants to know what kind of Cake I want. Which is stupid really, cos
1) I told her the first day I was down I would like a pavlova (Which kinda needed to be purchased and made at least in the morning, so too late) but I'd changed my mind by then and CBF but still
2) I really love black Forest, but I can't have it because
3) The only place in Kadina to get cake is woolworths, and the only choices are Chocolate w choc icing, or plain with nothing.
So, I say, "I don't mind, just normal cake" to which she senses I'm not my usual perky self, but I tell her it's fine and no, really, nothing's wrong - Oh, incidentally I can't tell her any-thing's wrong, ever, cos she's so piled up with the shit of my nephew, who is cool, my brother, who is a fucking retard, and my brother's EX (HEAR THAT YOU STUPID FUCKING MOLE, _EX!!!_ HE IS NOT WITH YOU AND NEVER WILL BE AGAIN, SO HELP ME GOD!!!) so if I even in passing mention I might have any issues, heavens knows she's liable to keel over. - after which Dad gets back, and we head off, and in the car Dad wants to know what cake I wanted. I'd already mentioned a love of blackforest to him earlier in the day, and he was all, oh if only we had known before, it could have been ordered, but too late now. And I had passed that to mum, so after I say, "Any will be fine. Normal. Whatever" she pipes in with "He wanted a blackforest cake" and Dad's going on about getting a blackforest icecream, and they were going on with ideas till I (Rather nastilly I know, they were only being nice) said, "I just want a fucking plain normal cake for fucking fucks sake"... because really, by this time I was past depressed about lack of money, boyfriend, and serenity. And I didn't want a fucking cake at all, I wanted to go home and park my arse and not talk to another person for the rest of my birthday, or at least face to face. Online was still awesome(I was loving the wishes, thanks guys).
So I got, surprise surprise, the chocolate cake from woolies, and we head home, and I don't want to talk. Just sit and watch telly but of course we need to do the cake, and fine, in half an hour, like I give 2 shits. Then that rolls around, and mum and dad are debating over who gets to light the candles, and THANK FUCKERRY Luke just started lighting them. And yay, happy birthday, woo whoopetty fuck, and I blow out the candles.
Ever heard of the tradition of, when you blow out the candles, however many are left is how many lovers you will have in the next year? I blew them all out, and next I hear "Ha, Ash has no girlfriends" and I nearly cry. And they think it's a Joke, and dad tried to make a portal reference, that there was cake at the end and HE PLAYED THAT FUCKING GAME HE SHOULD KNOW THERE WAS NO CAKE AT THE END and then they bring up the song, and trying to make a happy comment while they're all going on about how good I thought my birthday was, I just say "This was a triumph" AND I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING, DAD STARTS SINGING THE GOD DAMN SONG.
So at that moment, I cut the cake and sincerely wished to die. Quickly and painlessly. Didn't happen.
Anywho, I ate my cake and went back to my sorrow, and Mum had changed the channel to "Australia's got talent". The rage could not have boiled much higher as I watched that shit, for as soon as they even let the 2 shitheads with the jackass act in the auditions they lost all credibility with me. Please, take those 2 out back and shoot them along with Kyle, give that last singer a recording contract, kill the show and never pull that shit again, ever, for any reason. Dad notices I'm a bit off, and wants to go for a walk, and I jump at the chance, because MAYBE I could offload my issues.
Yeah, fuck that. When he asks what I thought of my birthday, I start straight off with being a bit sad cos of the joblessness, the singleness... and then get to spend the rest of the walk hearing about how this is good cos I'm not tied down (OH FUCKING WOO), how he had the same shit when he was looking for work, and the dickheads he works with, and all him him him, and once again, my Father completely misses the point. I have shit I need to get off my chest and can't get in a real word.
So, yeah. Right now I'm thinking I should hit the drinks fridge for any loose alcohol, drink away the misery of ever stepping foot in this shithole town, and hope to die in my sleep like I fucking want.