(no subject)
people tell me that i have the ultimate control over my happiness. People tell me if i dont like something or if i want something to change, its all up to me.
i cant change my family. things are so bad, and it all does nothing but repeat itself and the problems will be ignored but still linger...and its a vicious cycle of anger. my family will never find peace with itself. and no fucking people could stand before me and tell me its my fault and my lack of control that keeps me from finding happiness within my family. Cause if they had the fucking balls to say that, i would respond in laughter and welcome you to live my life with me for one day and be damned sure that youd reconsider. cause no one can say shit till they see what i see. i hate what i see. i hate what i hear.
i cant believe people really feel confident in saying i lack in effort and i dont try to fix things and find peace in things.
i dont understand why im still trying. but its because i dont want to be a pussy and give up, hit rock bottom and quiver in my insanity....which will only bring me right back to where i was..or even worse.
people say i have the choice to do drugs, to cut myself, to be negative and hopeless abou things.
does anyone realize the amount of shit, the amount of effort that has failed, the amount of guilt i carry on my back, the amount of tears i shed. it repeats itself, so i avoid repetitiveness, i avoid even dealing..cuz everything so fucked up now...and i can listen, i can try this and that and that and this...and stilll absolutely fucking nothing. who wants nothing.
everythings killing me.
and i test death way to much. so many crazy things i challenge just for that little rush, just to see how far i can go, how far i can push things. and all to prove what?
fuck it. im through.
i cant change my family. things are so bad, and it all does nothing but repeat itself and the problems will be ignored but still linger...and its a vicious cycle of anger. my family will never find peace with itself. and no fucking people could stand before me and tell me its my fault and my lack of control that keeps me from finding happiness within my family. Cause if they had the fucking balls to say that, i would respond in laughter and welcome you to live my life with me for one day and be damned sure that youd reconsider. cause no one can say shit till they see what i see. i hate what i see. i hate what i hear.
i cant believe people really feel confident in saying i lack in effort and i dont try to fix things and find peace in things.
i dont understand why im still trying. but its because i dont want to be a pussy and give up, hit rock bottom and quiver in my insanity....which will only bring me right back to where i was..or even worse.
people say i have the choice to do drugs, to cut myself, to be negative and hopeless abou things.
does anyone realize the amount of shit, the amount of effort that has failed, the amount of guilt i carry on my back, the amount of tears i shed. it repeats itself, so i avoid repetitiveness, i avoid even dealing..cuz everything so fucked up now...and i can listen, i can try this and that and that and this...and stilll absolutely fucking nothing. who wants nothing.
everythings killing me.
and i test death way to much. so many crazy things i challenge just for that little rush, just to see how far i can go, how far i can push things. and all to prove what?
fuck it. im through.