Trivial emotional outburst... LOL
Time for my Trivial emotional outburst now.
First of all let me acknowledge that the first person quoted in my previous entry, while I have known him a long time, I can't say I know him well. For my part, my own perception of him is overinflated. Hell, I've known him over 10yrs and my perception of him has always been an impossibly high standard. Yeah, I think the world of him. It was only today in fact that I came to realize that he is in fact, human.. and not a demi-god the way I've always thought of him.
My perception of him, has been that he is happy, healthy, excels at everything he does, loved by all, blah blah blah. Truth is, he has emotions too, and isn't happy 24/7. Healthy I really can't argue, he's probably the healthiest person I know. Excels at everything he does... apparently he doesn't. That one I must admit came as a shock to me. That was the fall from demi-god status right there in fact. Loved by all -- well, not everybody thinks he's a demi-god... LOL
So, to further damper my opinion of this individual, I am going to have a 'trivial emotional outburst' of sorts I suppose, and open up about a few things.
1) I am a very good person. The sad fact I suppose is that I don't show this side of myself enough. Without sounding completely like a jackass, I'd even go so far as to say that I am a great person. My examples?
------a) I gave up a friend, someone I refer to as my "soul twin" for the sake of his marriage. We went 5yrs without talking, found each other again in October, his marriage had failed and he was going through a really rough time. He was paying child support, got demoted, and was starving. So, I withdrew funds from my savings, and I drove to Spokane, and I filled his cupboards with food. Rather literally filled them. And yes,they were literally empty when I got there. I bought him $500 USD worth of groceries.
Now, I suppose I'll concede the way this looked to the world. I sounded petty and bitchy I suppose, because after I came home, he stopped talking to me for a while because he was still in a rough patch in his life and all I could think about was myself. I felt hurt and so I bitched, rather incessantly and rather loudly I suppose, about doing that generous thing, only to turn around and get ignored.
Ways I could be an even better person: Keep my mouth shut, and don't have that trivial emotional outburst I suppose... LOL
------b) I can look at other people, and see the humanity within. This might be a bit of a utopian perspective of people I suppose, and yes I have a tendency to live in a bit of a 'happy bubble' world in my head, where everybody loves one another, but I mean, one of my best friends who I hold very close to my heart, has been to jail. I've mentioned him before in previous LJ posts, but he had a rough childhood, I met him when he was in foster care and instead of judging him the way society in general did, I judged him based on my own interactions which were always pleasureable and always positive. I recognized that he was better than his poor behavior, and today he is someone I look up to and admire a great deal. At 21yrs old, he has been through more hardships, and survived them and he has not only come out on top but he has become a person that anybody on this earth would be lucky to be. He is out, he got through his parole, he is one of the most caring and giving individuals I have ever met in my life and he is doing really really well. He is so very special to me, and it grates on my nerves when I'm talking about someone I care about so much, and all the other party can see is the negative aspects.
That bugs me, and I suppose its my own fault for even admitting the mistakes another person has made... instead of simply focussing on their accomplishments.
This is a very eye opening sort of post. I bottle things up, and what I seem to bottle up is the positive stuff. I can't share the negatives with the world, and expect them to fill in the blanks when all the positives are my own experiences or perspectives.
Hmmm... *ponders, some more* I hadn't realized, so very much of this. I had originally intended this post to be my way of setting out to prove how less judgemental and therefore better of a person I am than Mr. X....but really I've just figured out ways in which I can improve and change the negative portrayal I seem to give to the world. How very humbling... lol
Love T
First of all let me acknowledge that the first person quoted in my previous entry, while I have known him a long time, I can't say I know him well. For my part, my own perception of him is overinflated. Hell, I've known him over 10yrs and my perception of him has always been an impossibly high standard. Yeah, I think the world of him. It was only today in fact that I came to realize that he is in fact, human.. and not a demi-god the way I've always thought of him.
My perception of him, has been that he is happy, healthy, excels at everything he does, loved by all, blah blah blah. Truth is, he has emotions too, and isn't happy 24/7. Healthy I really can't argue, he's probably the healthiest person I know. Excels at everything he does... apparently he doesn't. That one I must admit came as a shock to me. That was the fall from demi-god status right there in fact. Loved by all -- well, not everybody thinks he's a demi-god... LOL
So, to further damper my opinion of this individual, I am going to have a 'trivial emotional outburst' of sorts I suppose, and open up about a few things.
1) I am a very good person. The sad fact I suppose is that I don't show this side of myself enough. Without sounding completely like a jackass, I'd even go so far as to say that I am a great person. My examples?
------a) I gave up a friend, someone I refer to as my "soul twin" for the sake of his marriage. We went 5yrs without talking, found each other again in October, his marriage had failed and he was going through a really rough time. He was paying child support, got demoted, and was starving. So, I withdrew funds from my savings, and I drove to Spokane, and I filled his cupboards with food. Rather literally filled them. And yes,they were literally empty when I got there. I bought him $500 USD worth of groceries.
Now, I suppose I'll concede the way this looked to the world. I sounded petty and bitchy I suppose, because after I came home, he stopped talking to me for a while because he was still in a rough patch in his life and all I could think about was myself. I felt hurt and so I bitched, rather incessantly and rather loudly I suppose, about doing that generous thing, only to turn around and get ignored.
Ways I could be an even better person: Keep my mouth shut, and don't have that trivial emotional outburst I suppose... LOL
------b) I can look at other people, and see the humanity within. This might be a bit of a utopian perspective of people I suppose, and yes I have a tendency to live in a bit of a 'happy bubble' world in my head, where everybody loves one another, but I mean, one of my best friends who I hold very close to my heart, has been to jail. I've mentioned him before in previous LJ posts, but he had a rough childhood, I met him when he was in foster care and instead of judging him the way society in general did, I judged him based on my own interactions which were always pleasureable and always positive. I recognized that he was better than his poor behavior, and today he is someone I look up to and admire a great deal. At 21yrs old, he has been through more hardships, and survived them and he has not only come out on top but he has become a person that anybody on this earth would be lucky to be. He is out, he got through his parole, he is one of the most caring and giving individuals I have ever met in my life and he is doing really really well. He is so very special to me, and it grates on my nerves when I'm talking about someone I care about so much, and all the other party can see is the negative aspects.
That bugs me, and I suppose its my own fault for even admitting the mistakes another person has made... instead of simply focussing on their accomplishments.
This is a very eye opening sort of post. I bottle things up, and what I seem to bottle up is the positive stuff. I can't share the negatives with the world, and expect them to fill in the blanks when all the positives are my own experiences or perspectives.
Hmmm... *ponders, some more* I hadn't realized, so very much of this. I had originally intended this post to be my way of setting out to prove how less judgemental and therefore better of a person I am than Mr. X....but really I've just figured out ways in which I can improve and change the negative portrayal I seem to give to the world. How very humbling... lol
Love T