(no subject)

[sexualvanilla]

the story of my life over the last few years its just a big coaster but i tend to head downhill more then i do up and so its hard not to stop, cant stop till i hit bottom, so

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When you think your climbing one more thing makes you fall and before you know it you cant climb back up, your so far away from who you once were, where you once were, the answers there gone, the seach its over, the dark, the cave your in it overwhelms you, its easy to get caught into the dark, to be angry, to hate everything around you, but whats that get you, exactly where i am, alone and lost, but i continue to put myself there and im only one that can do anything about this

Well i decided today that i give up on the fucken cave, im not positng in this journal anymore cuz it does nothing for me i only say negative things and i only fell negative things, i find things that make me angry. I wanted to believe it was a reason to get my feelings out, but i express them enough myself. Anything and everything i can find to complain about I do, and im so sick of being negative that i wanted to die, that scares the fuck out of me to think i could even think about that, that i was thinking very stupid things, not worth it, im still in the dark right now but im try to make a climb a climb to the top get out of this cave, see the light outside, and embrace it, it wont be easy but nothing can be worse then feeling stuck with no where to go but down, im sure ill fall, ill fail but im gonna make the best of that when that time come, i see the light very dimly right noe, a speck, but i stay focused thats all ill see and ill stay focused and before i know it the world around me will no longer be dark but full of light, if i ever write a negative thing in here again you have the right ot beat the shit out of me, do whatever it takes to get it into my head

im asking anyone and everyone that knows me to keep your eye on me, watch me, dont let me get down, if you see me slipping point it out to me, help me, cuz i dont wanna be stuck... i wanna be where i know i can be, it will be one hell of stuggle but at least a struggle is better then falling...