(no subject)
Well i partied all weekend with my fraternity brothers, had alot of fun, good times good stories, but even when the night was done i couldnt figure out what i am doing here. Im so lost hoping God has a plan for my life. It was real cool getting rejected all weekend by the sorority girls(not), or getting that look, that only i can understand becuase well hey most of you out there arnt fat. I dont know what im looking for anymore, i use to want to fall in love, be in a realationship, i love relationships, but i dont think there is anyone i could trust with my heart. Im stuck on this idea that everyone is a cheater, and thats nothing like me, i never to use to believe that but its hard to hold on to a hope that there are ppl that dont when everywhere i look every example i see shows me that love isnt worth it, that cheating is just a part of life. I really am screwed up, 2005 has been a year, not like i thought it would be. Its becoming a year of change, a year im changing, i woulda thought i would have changed more in my freshmen year but that must not have happed. Have i lost touch with who i am, or am i just begining to find out that who i am becoming is the better me, is this the person i shoulda been all along but i fought it cuz hey being the good guy, being the nice guy, being the emotional guy, being the friend, being the listener, being the guy that ends up staying sober cuz he knows hes gonna have to take care of a friend who has had way to much to drink, being all those things and more was right and is worth being that person. Being good pays off in the end, right...ha. I dont feel that way cuz being that way has only brought me heartache and pain. I liked who i was when i knew who i was, but its unfare to myself to be the guy who cares, cuz nobody is there to care when i hurt or when i need someone to listen, thats probably why i write in this thing in the first place its the only way to let out my feelings, cuz i have nobody. Oh well, other then felling this way life is good.