Word Vomit
How could Robert do this to himself? Sigh the love of my life has cut away his beautiful locks. For those of you who dont know, Robert Pattinson plays the breathtakingly beautiful Edward Cullen in Twilight. I just finished the first of the four, and Im a hundred deep in the second. I cant tell you how much I utterly enjoy these books. If you like Harry Potter as much as I did, then you will love Twilight. Its not the same by far, but it is easy to become fanatic like Harry Potter. Ive often asked people if they could choose, which world they would live in and all but Adrianne say Harry Potter. True HP's world has a lot more to it. More intricate and carefully designed but Twilight has Edward, he is the very word of perfect and the actor who they chose to pick was none other than Cedric Diggory in HP.
Here's my gushing theory of his hotness. ( yes i know im having a teen moment) Yes, Robert Pattinson is very attractive, but I think Edward Cullen the character he plays is even more so. True Pattinson is every girls dream of a british guy. He smokes (which adds to his bad ass appeal) he drinks, obviously. His FORMER tossled locks that he effortlessly had, his british accent DUH, okay yes all VERY appealing BUT Edward is a vampire! ok ok ok I know why is that even more appealing? Because he is IN LOVE with Bella but at the same time wants to kill her because the scent of her blood is so intoxicating, if thats not love than I dont know what is? And its so weird, because in the movie he doesnt have a British accent and yet I like that MORE. And thats weird for me because I LOVE british accents.
And heres my theory about my attraction to Edward Cullen. Hes fictional (unfortunately) and lets be honest, boys are always better in books then they are real life. Nothing can reach Edward, no one even come close by comparison. They guy is almost a hundred years old, he shines like diamonds in the sun, has superior speed and strength and is able to read other peoples minds (except for Bella, of course.) How can any guy compare to THAT?
Then I start to feel bad for real life guys, because girls in their teens, twenties, thirties wait for someone like that. Me included. We want to be with someone who can take our breath away, who is the most interesting person we ever met and even better looks like a greek goddess and wants to be with us! And thats why i love Robert the actor, because before this role all he wanted was a girlfriend, so he says and couldnt get one! I can see that, because Robert is a real geek at heart. I was watching old interviews when he played Cedric and new ones about his film Twilight....and you can just tell...his sense of humor his goofy laugh. He is not one of those hollywood pricks. At least not yet anyways. And i love those down to earth humble types. For example as much as I love Will Smith, he is not one of those down to earth humble types. He has expectations ....rules. You can just tell that Pattinson is a kind of whatever type of guy. :-)
Anyway in his upcoming movie, Pattinson is playing Salvadore Dali. I CANT WAIT to see it. Go figure, I would have never imagined the HP/Twilight hearthrob to play a more serious role. Im glad he's got the part though. It'll show people that he can do other stuff than just being incredibly good looking. Poor Pattinson, maybe thats why he cut of his locks. Im sure it gets tiring being casted only for your looks....they dont last forever you know....
His hair though....I hope it grows back in time for New Moon (2nd book of Twilight Saga)Because Edward without that beautiful hair of his....i dont know...
ok ok ok enough about the beautiful wonderful Pattinson
.....
I think sometimes I upset people, but I dont mean to. I think they get upset because Im not the type of person that responds to everything. Even when I get a text message I think of the response but sometimes I forget to type it. I hope people dont take offense because you see, Im the type of person that doesnt need constant interaction with someone to consider them a friend. Like my friends from home, or even Lara! I hardly talk to my friends from home, but that doesnt mean I consider them anything less then a friend. Even if I havent talked to them in months or even a year like Lara. Lara was my first roomate at UMass, she hated it so much though so she left. I still visit and talk with her. She does her own thing I do my own thing. For example I just saw her in November and we hadnt seen eachother in a year or even talked in a year. But i just shot her an email saying i wanted to visit and she was thrilled. And we picked up where we left off. She knows that im like that, because shes like that too. I know some people really do get offended and think I dont think of them, but I do, i really do. I just dont see the need for constant interaction....I dont know maybe its the 19th century woman in me. with little means of communincation and all. But im just putting it out there, because quite frankly if i didnt disappear from the face of the earth for a month or two, then I wouldnt really be me!
I still cant believe im going to Egypt. Its so surreal. I think I a little bit more excited for England though, because well I can see myself settling there. Having a real apartment. Having a real social life. Studying what I actually want to study. I can see myself being very content there, and I think thats why Im excited. Sure im thrilled for Egypt. Ill be there for six months so i should be! I cant wait to travel once im there....to Dubai, Lebanon, Syria, Isreal. Obviously Ill have to get another passport because of political tensions, but that should be fairly easy to do. Look at me, already thinking about going to other places and I havent even made it in Egypt yet. Sigh, such a nomad.
Sometimes that worries me, that I never seem satisfied with going to one place. I immediately have to think of the next place I want to go. But you know life is so short and uneventful unless you make it exciting. Unforutnately, a godlike vampire doesnt just knock on your door and tell you hes in love with you. And im already 10 years past my Hogwarts letter, so I dont think its coming anymore.
Im very content with being by myself now. At first it was weird because really four years is a long time. But like i said in a previous post, I found myself again. And I got lost for awhile in the mix of trying to be something that Im not. Trying to make myself believe that i would be happy not traveling, settling down and being someone's fiance. BUT THATS NOT WHAT I WANT. And i feel like now i can SCREAM it and be okay. Im content because i felt trapped. Trapped in a life that I never dreamed for myself, and that why i think books are so useful, because once I picked up my favorite author's book....Elizabeth Peters plum de nom of Barbara Mertz, author of the Ameilia Peabody Series ( a late 19th century egyptologist with her egyptologist family) well once i picked up her book and started reading it, i knew exactly what i wanted for myself again. Adventure, change, danger. And i know it sound so stupid, and I know im a die hard romantic but couldnt you just imagine it? I could. I love the idea of adventure, I think i would be an explorer if i was alive two or three centuries ago.
More importantly, theres something to say about the men in books. They are polite, even in their rage they dont say hurtful things. I mean they DO, but not as bad as some of the stuff Ive hear from Roy. And that means something because one may be able to forgive someone, but what they said will always be present, and I think its too hard to be able to build off of hateful words like that. To start a new relationship. I think this relationship has taught me a lot about what I want from men and what I can give. ANd this much I know:
The cheesy lovey dovey stuff has a time and a place...I do not like PDA and I do not like the lovey dovey stuff 24/7. It kind of takes away the appeal of a Man. the difference between a man and a boy it think.
I do not like to be cursed at, no matter how bad the argument. And i dont think I shall ever tolerate that again. I have no time to deal with little boys and their temper tantrums.
I cannot give myself to one person undoubtedly, so dont ask. I mean in the monogymous way, of course I can. I am a one man woman. But im not the one to oggle over everything that one does. To give one all my attention 24/7 to baby, to stop what im doing. No i cant do that to myself again...i almost lost me!
Once the person starts questioning your truthfulness, its all down hill. I have never done anything that would question my integrity. But one day he snapped and started all these accusations. We were never able to pick the pieces from there. There is nothing without trust.
I think being honest with myself about what I can and cannot give is a starting point. Something to work off if and when I decide to get back into the dating game. O yeh and by the way, I do NOT know how to flirt. I wish i had that swagger that other women do. A stroke of the collerbone, a wink of the eye. Im sorry I just do not have that confidence, or that appeal. I wouldnt know how to be sexy if I got lessons. Im a clutz and a geek, hopefully someone some day will find that endearing if not anything else. So dating should be interesting when it happens. Apparently Im totally oblivious to people when their intereseted. I just think their being nice! Or sometime si just smile timidly. Thats another thing, I need to be more outgoing. Men seem to like that. Its hard for me though....I still feel like that awkward bubble in the corner of the room from that commercial. For heavens sake I used to hide in closets and under tables when my brother had friends over. Pitiful.
Anyway its safe to say that Im a social reject. Which is why i think some poeple get the wrong idea about me. I think they think because Im shy and dont interact with them a lot they get the wrong idea about me. Well i guess i shouldnt worry about that too much.
Ok well this was a way to long of a post, and I still have to put the final touches on my last paper for Umass EVER. I never have to step foot on that cmapus again. sigh, what a relief.
-S