An Emptier Side of Life.
Things have never really happened in any kind of one-at-a-time pattern for me. At least not since the things that are important to me now became that way. I've always had that kind of movie reaction when it comes to those things...in a metaphorical sense of course. The sorrows and lesser seen positives of my life have always been like when you're at the edge of cliff and the it starts to crumble, but not only do you have to get away from the edge, but you have to haul ass for about 500 yards before your safe from falling into the pits of death below. I can never get past that point. I always end up falling. It's always the same shit, different day. I guess I just wish I knew what oppurtunity to take to get me out of these ruts of life.
I try and pretend like how I feel during the always happening tomorrow will be a suprise, but it never is.
I won't pretend I understand...
I don't understand. I don't understand why choices that are made even begin to cross through people'e minds. I don't understand why I'm so easily drawn in.
I don't understand why I'm so easily erased.
That hurts and bothers the hell out of me.
In order to start over I have to want to start over. I have to want to look for someone that isn't going to betray me, rather than sit and think about the people that have. There was a time. There was a time when I didn't have to deal with bullshit in order to find someone to make me happy. I will get to that point again. That's a promise I've made to myself that I truly can't emotionally afford to break.
I think there are a lot of things that I just can't emotionally handle right now...and having my heart fucked around with definitly comes in at the top of that hellacious list.
I accept the constant possbility of hurt. I accept it with a fucking smile.
I'm an artist. Sometimes I just want to paint pictures that come from the happiness of my heart. But I can't find that happiness. So I can sit there and pretend I have happiness and make art of of it...art that I feel like was cheated into existance. That's what I feel like when I stray from anything but sorrow in my lyrics...I feel like a cheater. I'm not a cheater. I'm not like him.
I had that talk with Bunger. I miss him like I'd miss myself. But he's right.
If it takes my sorrow to save someone else's heart, I'll make that trade any day.
Any day of the fucking week.
I will never be replicated. No one will ever meet another Stephen Rosenberg that is like me...and I'm right. I might feel terrible. I might feel depressed sometimes. I might feel completely unwanted and miserable....but I would rather feel all of those things for every second of the day and still be me, than to be someone like them, and treat people the way they do.
I'm right here.
Peace and Love
I try and pretend like how I feel during the always happening tomorrow will be a suprise, but it never is.
I won't pretend I understand...
I don't understand. I don't understand why choices that are made even begin to cross through people'e minds. I don't understand why I'm so easily drawn in.
I don't understand why I'm so easily erased.
That hurts and bothers the hell out of me.
In order to start over I have to want to start over. I have to want to look for someone that isn't going to betray me, rather than sit and think about the people that have. There was a time. There was a time when I didn't have to deal with bullshit in order to find someone to make me happy. I will get to that point again. That's a promise I've made to myself that I truly can't emotionally afford to break.
I think there are a lot of things that I just can't emotionally handle right now...and having my heart fucked around with definitly comes in at the top of that hellacious list.
I accept the constant possbility of hurt. I accept it with a fucking smile.
I'm an artist. Sometimes I just want to paint pictures that come from the happiness of my heart. But I can't find that happiness. So I can sit there and pretend I have happiness and make art of of it...art that I feel like was cheated into existance. That's what I feel like when I stray from anything but sorrow in my lyrics...I feel like a cheater. I'm not a cheater. I'm not like him.
I had that talk with Bunger. I miss him like I'd miss myself. But he's right.
If it takes my sorrow to save someone else's heart, I'll make that trade any day.
Any day of the fucking week.
I will never be replicated. No one will ever meet another Stephen Rosenberg that is like me...and I'm right. I might feel terrible. I might feel depressed sometimes. I might feel completely unwanted and miserable....but I would rather feel all of those things for every second of the day and still be me, than to be someone like them, and treat people the way they do.
I'm right here.
Peace and Love