Sleep? Yeah...Right...
I hate days like today. Days that I've slept away because of my mind. Nightmares. More and more every night it seems. This is why I haven't slept good in two weeks. Realistic nightmares. Dreams that just remind me of how I feel inside most days but never let it show. It's like my mind attacks those parts of my heart on purpose. It just takes every painful person or memory that I ache to forget and get rid of, and flashes them through my mind with promises of being happy, with fake illusions of things going right in all the situations that I've already felt like I've failed in.
So I wake up. Distrought. I look around, I check the time, I check my phone...I realize that I haven't been sleeping comfortably and I try and attempt to sleep again, and it just happens over and over again. It's like when I fall asleep my mind opens a door that I just don't want to see. A door that does me no good, one that I don't need to see. This happens over and over again. Then I get fed up and wake up for good. Feeling the same way I felt when I was asleep for the rest of the day. Not a great feeling. Especialy waking up and not having anyone next to you, or anyone to even talk to about it.
Not that I feel I need to rely on someone else like that. It'd just be nice sometimes to have a friend that I can just let it all out to without feeling like I offend them or myself.
Things are just better unsaid.
I want to start over. I want to find someone new. Find someone I don't have to deal with constant bullshit and lies with. Because that is all it ever is. With anyone that I've thought about giving my heart to, or even share my heart with in the past year. Bullshit and Lies. Everyone knows it. Not that I care what they think, but when something's obvious, its obvious. I just have too much belief in people.
I'm starting over. Which will be hard. Introducing anyone new into this group of people is hit or miss. It won't be so much anymore with the uppercutting that will be going on if it's miss. But either way....from past experiences, it's like throwing a blood soaked baby lamb into a pit of velociraptors.
Rediculously judgemental, dramatized, blood-thirsty velociraptors.
Maybe this job will help me meet people. It already has.
Maybe it will help me meet the right one(s).
I'm breaking free from those who obviously are trying to hurt me.
No more, folks.
I need to play a fucking show.
Peace and Love
So I wake up. Distrought. I look around, I check the time, I check my phone...I realize that I haven't been sleeping comfortably and I try and attempt to sleep again, and it just happens over and over again. It's like when I fall asleep my mind opens a door that I just don't want to see. A door that does me no good, one that I don't need to see. This happens over and over again. Then I get fed up and wake up for good. Feeling the same way I felt when I was asleep for the rest of the day. Not a great feeling. Especialy waking up and not having anyone next to you, or anyone to even talk to about it.
Not that I feel I need to rely on someone else like that. It'd just be nice sometimes to have a friend that I can just let it all out to without feeling like I offend them or myself.
Things are just better unsaid.
I want to start over. I want to find someone new. Find someone I don't have to deal with constant bullshit and lies with. Because that is all it ever is. With anyone that I've thought about giving my heart to, or even share my heart with in the past year. Bullshit and Lies. Everyone knows it. Not that I care what they think, but when something's obvious, its obvious. I just have too much belief in people.
I'm starting over. Which will be hard. Introducing anyone new into this group of people is hit or miss. It won't be so much anymore with the uppercutting that will be going on if it's miss. But either way....from past experiences, it's like throwing a blood soaked baby lamb into a pit of velociraptors.
Rediculously judgemental, dramatized, blood-thirsty velociraptors.
Maybe this job will help me meet people. It already has.
Maybe it will help me meet the right one(s).
I'm breaking free from those who obviously are trying to hurt me.
No more, folks.
I need to play a fucking show.
Peace and Love