(no subject)
Wow, drink much last night? Alcohol is a very strange drug, sometimes I don't see its depressant effects at all and other times it gets to me like no other. I always wonder if the feelings experienced under the influence are true feelings, or simply delusions induced by a drug. It was almost like a flashback to my earlier days, desperately searching for an identity, always questioning my motives and analyzing them to see if they will lead me in the direction I would like to be in. I had a good conversation with Laura, despite its negative subject matter, and that made me feel a lot better. Speaking of which, all you livejournalers, I have embarked on a most amazing relationship beginning this summer. It all began with the fall of my interests in Alex. I was heartbroken, seemingly at the bottom of it all, not expecting much from anybody. I felt as if I had no real place to live, my room being in shambles, everything packed away in boxes. Life was really looking down, but I knew I had to get out of the house. Thus began my adventures with the crew that I would now call my best friends. I got a hold of Sam, one of my friends that I like to socialize with now and then, to try and find out what was happening in Oneida. We got a pretty good routine going, going on lots of blunt cruises, drinking tasty beer and playing pong at night. Oh yes, lots of fire outdoors too, and this is where the whole Laura thing got started. I enjoyed talking to her, lots of happy expressions on our faces and energy from nowhere. Lots of times, it takes energy for me to go out and socialize, but this gave me energy. Spontanaeity was the name of the game, and Laura and I started taking trips to random places--the reservoir, state parks, mini-golf, you name it, if it was in driving range we went there. Everyone at this point was talking about us, wondering what we did and if we were together or what. We discussed it a few times, how everyone thought we were together but we weren't. Or were we? Inside we both knew what was going in, but we never talked about it. Then finally the day came, the day we acknowledged all those feelings that had been building up inside of us for months. But even then, we didn't talk about it. We shared the best kiss ever. So much release in that simple action, it was truely amazing. However, this realization came at the very end of the summer, and we found ourselves in a scramble. This seemingly innocent summer fling had turned into something much more, and time was quickly running out. She had a going away party the day before she went off to school, and everyone found out what was up then. Enough background, lets fast forward to now. So up until now, we had been flirty, we had physical contact, I met her parents, she met mine, yada yada, but we had not discussed any of the repressed parts of our personality. Recently, we have began to self-disclose a bit more, attempting to overcome our fears of revealing who we truely are.
I have kinda lost my train of thought, I had to go eat lunch and that killed it. More will come, I think I will begin updating regularly. Too many things held inside, I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do.
I have kinda lost my train of thought, I had to go eat lunch and that killed it. More will come, I think I will begin updating regularly. Too many things held inside, I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do.