he loves me, he loves me not
damn i am a moron. i always fuck things up with guys. the last two guys i have been with, were friends of mine, but are they my friends anymore? no. and now i can add to that list, and make it three. i guess this is what i get for doing what someone else wanted, "go on impulse", and what i thought would be the beginning of something wonderful. that is just bullshit that i have come to believe in only because of fairy tales and chick flicks. i hate them for that. anyways...apparently i'm what he has been waiting for, but that doesnt really matter, because we're not together, and it seems we wont be getting together either, because he's not "good for me" and according to what he told sarah "im not ready" and to me "i cant commit to anything right now" well why the hell not??? what in the world is stopping you? or wait, thats right, he's just chicken shit. the only thing holding him back is himself, because he's afraid of getting burned by yet another girl. but i hope that he's the only one in this that will one day wonder "what if..??" when im married to someone just like him.
except for the way my dad called me on my way to reno and got mad at me for not riding with garry and making me cry and want to turn around and drive home, reno was fun. seriously, i almost turned my car around without calling him to let him know he wouldnt get to see me. how dare he make me feel like i did something wrong when garry was at fault. it seems i take alot of shit on garry's behalf, when in reality he is the irresponsible one, by far, and our parents should know that by now. but apparently they dont. i met daveys' girlfriend lauren and i like her alot. we played DDR together, fun stuff. ate alot of food at buffets, good stuff.
tuesday night had dinner at tara's house with her, melanie, nellie, becca, colleen and kelly. that was really fun. then we went to starbucks and mel and i went to 2-4-tuesday at galaxy and saw "Mr. Deeds" that was some funny shit man. we were probably the only ones laughing in the theater for the most part. def one to buy. i love how he had people from his other movies in this one too.. heheh, crazy eyes...hehe
tomorrow is steves last day at work. i am unsure of how i feel about this...sad because i wont see him as often, but things are gettin weird...i wonder if he will still go to chrissys wedding with me..if not, sarah will go with me and we will have alot of fun with my girls. anyways, he is having a party at his apartment tomorrow night. i was planning on going, but i dont know if i will. i dont want to go by myself. jenny was maybe going to go with me, but i dont know if she was really. and even if i were to go, i dont know how long i would want to stay with him being drunk and all.
today sucked butt. i cried alot. had ice cream with sarah this evening, best emotional girl bonding i've had in quite awhile, we both got to cry. i did laundry, cleaned my room, dishes, balanced my checkbook and organized paperwork, even baked brownies for everyone at work since its steves last day. now off to bed. i get to wake up in the morning to go to work and be on pay window all day. i hate that position...i wonder what tomorrow holds for me....
Today didn't have to be this way
Tomorrow is another day
Another chance to make things right
A chance to make sense of last night
MxPx
except for the way my dad called me on my way to reno and got mad at me for not riding with garry and making me cry and want to turn around and drive home, reno was fun. seriously, i almost turned my car around without calling him to let him know he wouldnt get to see me. how dare he make me feel like i did something wrong when garry was at fault. it seems i take alot of shit on garry's behalf, when in reality he is the irresponsible one, by far, and our parents should know that by now. but apparently they dont. i met daveys' girlfriend lauren and i like her alot. we played DDR together, fun stuff. ate alot of food at buffets, good stuff.
tuesday night had dinner at tara's house with her, melanie, nellie, becca, colleen and kelly. that was really fun. then we went to starbucks and mel and i went to 2-4-tuesday at galaxy and saw "Mr. Deeds" that was some funny shit man. we were probably the only ones laughing in the theater for the most part. def one to buy. i love how he had people from his other movies in this one too.. heheh, crazy eyes...hehe
tomorrow is steves last day at work. i am unsure of how i feel about this...sad because i wont see him as often, but things are gettin weird...i wonder if he will still go to chrissys wedding with me..if not, sarah will go with me and we will have alot of fun with my girls. anyways, he is having a party at his apartment tomorrow night. i was planning on going, but i dont know if i will. i dont want to go by myself. jenny was maybe going to go with me, but i dont know if she was really. and even if i were to go, i dont know how long i would want to stay with him being drunk and all.
today sucked butt. i cried alot. had ice cream with sarah this evening, best emotional girl bonding i've had in quite awhile, we both got to cry. i did laundry, cleaned my room, dishes, balanced my checkbook and organized paperwork, even baked brownies for everyone at work since its steves last day. now off to bed. i get to wake up in the morning to go to work and be on pay window all day. i hate that position...i wonder what tomorrow holds for me....
Today didn't have to be this way
Tomorrow is another day
Another chance to make things right
A chance to make sense of last night
MxPx