(no subject)
Title: Beautiful
Author: Sexineko
Pairing: Jaeho (seme!jae)
Rated: NC-17
Warnings: None.
Summary: Because we all have insecurities. Shameless smut mixed in with comfort.
Not beta’d so any mistakes are my own. I wrote this at… five in the morning sooo yeah, tired.
The silence in the apartment was deafening. There was a ringing in my ears that came with the silence and usually, silence was treasured in the dong bang household, but at this very moment, I couldn’t hate it more.
Silence was a rarity in their profession and I took whatever I could but sometimes that silence brought along thoughts I longed to push away, just tuck them away at a corner of my mind and not linger on them for too long.
I stared at my reflection in the balcony doors and resisted the urge to close my eyes, to stop looking because I didn’t like what I saw, couldn’t understand what everyone else saw in me that made me so special.
My eyes seemed too big for my face, my head just a tad to big and my body seemed so disproportional that I grimaced every time I glanced in the mirror. I trailed my hand down my chest, feeling the hard earned muscles there and instead of the satisfaction I felt disgusted. I felt repulsed because instead of the muscles, I just saw a boy, no not boy anymore, man too skinny trying to play adult in the real world.
I heard the jingling of keys and a loud I’m home shouted by Yunho and couldn’t stop the small smile gracing my lips. Despite Yunho’s rather masculine personality and looks, he had this adorable child like persona to him that few only ever saw. Yunho always yelled out I’m home whenever he went out and came home, no matter the time because he knew someone was always up waiting for him - usually me - and liked the attention. He wanted to be welcomed home and it was things like that, that had me falling in more in love with him if that was possible.
“Welcome home Yunho-yah” I said with false cheer, hoping he didn’t see behind my mask. Futile hope because he always saw, always.
Yunho toed off his shoes and entered the living room area, eyes slowly traveling over me, gaze calculating. I squashed the urge to sigh loudly and instead, smiled widely and asked instead, “Are you hungry? I can make something.” Still no reply, he just stared at me, until I stared squirming.
“What’s wrong?” Yunho asked coming to stop in front of me, eyes imploring and curious, slightly tinged with worry.
I just shook my head and buried my head in the crook of his neck, my arms wrapping around his neck pulling him tight against me.
Let’s just stay this way forever.
Yunho wrapped his arms around my waist; cheek pressed against my head as he softly ran his hand up and down my back, idly tracing patterns in a soothing notion.
“You were doing it again.” Yunho stated rather than asked and a shuddering breath left me as I tried to repress the emotions inside.
There were times when all my confidence melted away and all that was left was this insecurity that almost eats me alive. When I’m stripped down, raw for everyone to see, I felt ugly. Not everyone knew it obviously; there were exactly four people who ever witnessed this side of me. It was terrifying sometimes to think how well my band mates knew me but underneath all that was this warmth that only came with them.
“Baby you’ve got to stop doing this to yourself.” Yunho said with a sigh, hands weaving through my hair comfortingly. I burrowed deeper in to his arms as an answer.
“Come on” Yunho said as he pulled away from me, took my hand and led me to our shared room.
Yunho’s lips softly met mine and his tongue came out, dancing tantalizingly with my own, starting to ignite a fire within me. His hands slowly massaged my stomach, fingers tracing the muscles as my own hands worked to get his shirt off, fingers carelessly working the buttons.
“I’ll make you see how beautiful you really are.” Yunho murmured against my lips as he made his way down towards my neck, softly licking and nipping the exposed flesh.
“I’ll show you how beautiful you are in my eyes.” Yunho whispered softly and I opened my mouth to retaliate, to correct him because I wasn’t but the words never left as Yunho’s mouth sought out mine harder this time.
Yunho slowly lowered my sweats along with my boxers over my hips before they hit the ground with a soft thud and I stepped out of them as Yunho turned me around to the full length mirror in our room.
My reflection stared back at me and I looked away and as I tried to turn around Yunho’s arms kept my back against his chest. His eyes bore in to my own, lust mixed with love filled his eyes as mine was filled with self hatred.
“Look at how beautiful you are Jae. A smile from you and my knees get weak.”
I squeezed my eyes shut; wanting to drown out his words but Yunho bit my neck harshly, soothing it with his tongue afterwards.
“You aren’t only beautiful on the outside, inside as well. You know this, now start believing in it.”
Yunho’s eyes bore in to my own and I pushed away the urge to hide, to push away Yunho and the need to make Yunho proud, overrode every other notion instead. I hesitantly looked back at the mirror, watched as Yunho’s hands traveled over the hard planes of my body and gasped as his hands encased my erection, fisting lightly, teasing me. A light flush came about my cheeks and Yunho’s eyes shined with glee and mischief.
I reached back just as he stepped away from me. I watched as he slowly undid he belt, watched as the zipper slid down to reveal a patch of black hair. I raised an eyebrow and Yunho smiled devilishly as he pushed his jeans down. His erection stood tall, a pearl of precum on the tip and I licked my lips, nearly moaning when Yunho fisted himself, groaning in pleasure as he put on a private show just for me.
I whimpered in need, needing him, needing to feel something other than loathing inside. Yunho kneeled in front of me, grinning widely and said, “Watch” he said simply as his tongue came out to lick the precum off my erection.
My eyes met my own and I watched as I disappeared into Yunho’s mouth, watched as my skin flushed a light pink, watched as I lost myself in a sea of pleasure. I threaded my hands through Yunho’s hair, fisting tightly when he moaned sending vibrations making me wither in pleasure.
“Ah…”
Yunho pulled away with an obscene slurp and reached for the lube we hastily through on the floor in the morning. Quickly lubing up three fingers, he reached behind him inserting two fingers roughly. I groaned as I watched in the mirror, two fingers disappear in to his ass, watched as his ass tightened in reflex before relaxing. I looked back down at Yunho, watched as his face was contorted in pleasure, head thrown back, as he fucked his fingers, all the while, staring at me, moaning in pleasure for me.
”Yunho-yah… “I moaned out his name and he pulled his fingers out, reached for the lubricant and squeezed some out on to his hand. I gasped as the cold lubricant met my hot erection but it slowly warmed up with the combined heat. Yunho stood up, planting two hands on either side of the mirror on the wall, spreading his legs to accommodate me.
“I want you to see what I see.” He whispered in a husky voice, low and rough with lust. I lined myself up and slowly pushed in, stopping only when I was buried fully inside. I waited for his signal, resting my forehead against his shoulder, trying not to thrust just yet.
“Move” Yunho practically ordered. I placed my hands on his waist, pulled out half way before thrusting back in, angling my hips to find that spot that made Yunho sing. His loud cry made me smirk in satisfaction. As our bodies moved in sync, our eyes met in the mirror.
I watched Yunho’s eyes dilate, watched myself thrust in and out of Yunho and couldn’t help the thought that maybe, I didn’t look too bad. Any other thought was lost as we got closer to completion. My thrusts became more erratic as Yunho’s cries got louder. I grabbed one of his thighs, pushed him forward as I shoved his thigh up and pressed his knee against the mirror, making me reach deeper and slammed my hips harder.
“fuck fuck fuck” Yunho cried out, words became a slur of nonsense and the world narrowed down to us and the mirror.
Yunho reached down and jerked himself one, twice before he came hard whispering my name like a prayer. I watched as his mouth fell open and his eyes glazing over with lust and I came hard, biting down on his neck.
I slowly pulled out of Yunho and slid down to the floor, sighing in happiness at the cool hardwood floors. Yunho nestled himself against my side, arm thrown across my waist, head resting in his palm as he gazed at me with half lidded eyes.
“No one else can make me feel the way you do Jae. Only you can make me forget everything with just one smile.” He said with so much conviction it made me blush.
“Sappy idiot” I murmured but pulled him down kissing him lightly on the lips, my whispered thank you making him smile.
I didn’t feel anymore beautiful than I did earlier but if Yunho really thought I was beautiful, if he believed in it so much, maybe it was worth believing in. Yunho didn’t put his faith in anyone now did he?
I felt my eyes close and darkness threatened to take me away but I pushed past it, reaching out to pull Yunho closer, “I love you” I said sleepily. I heard Yunho’s I love you too idiot as he lifted me up effortlessly to place me on the bed before climbing in also.
I felt his warmth next to me as he snuggled closer and I smiled and silently thanked my blessings. I distantly heard the others come home, loudly arguing but it all became a murmur, a slow lullaby as some of my own darkness disappeared, instead replacing itself with some of Yunho’s light.
Everyday is so wonderful and suddenly it’s hard to breathe.
Now and then I get insecure from all the pain, I’m so ashamed.
I am beautiful no matter what they say, words can bring me down.
I am beautiful in every single way, yes words can bring me down
So don’t you bring me down today.
AN: so… thoughts?
This is one of my more personal stories. Jae’s thoughts are my own. Even if I appear confident, and I am most of the times, there’s still a small part of me that’s insecure. I was listening to Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, one of my favorite songs and this kinda came about.
Anyways, appreciate thoughts, comments. ^^ <3
Author: Sexineko
Pairing: Jaeho (seme!jae)
Rated: NC-17
Warnings: None.
Summary: Because we all have insecurities. Shameless smut mixed in with comfort.
Not beta’d so any mistakes are my own. I wrote this at… five in the morning sooo yeah, tired.
The silence in the apartment was deafening. There was a ringing in my ears that came with the silence and usually, silence was treasured in the dong bang household, but at this very moment, I couldn’t hate it more.
Silence was a rarity in their profession and I took whatever I could but sometimes that silence brought along thoughts I longed to push away, just tuck them away at a corner of my mind and not linger on them for too long.
I stared at my reflection in the balcony doors and resisted the urge to close my eyes, to stop looking because I didn’t like what I saw, couldn’t understand what everyone else saw in me that made me so special.
My eyes seemed too big for my face, my head just a tad to big and my body seemed so disproportional that I grimaced every time I glanced in the mirror. I trailed my hand down my chest, feeling the hard earned muscles there and instead of the satisfaction I felt disgusted. I felt repulsed because instead of the muscles, I just saw a boy, no not boy anymore, man too skinny trying to play adult in the real world.
I heard the jingling of keys and a loud I’m home shouted by Yunho and couldn’t stop the small smile gracing my lips. Despite Yunho’s rather masculine personality and looks, he had this adorable child like persona to him that few only ever saw. Yunho always yelled out I’m home whenever he went out and came home, no matter the time because he knew someone was always up waiting for him - usually me - and liked the attention. He wanted to be welcomed home and it was things like that, that had me falling in more in love with him if that was possible.
“Welcome home Yunho-yah” I said with false cheer, hoping he didn’t see behind my mask. Futile hope because he always saw, always.
Yunho toed off his shoes and entered the living room area, eyes slowly traveling over me, gaze calculating. I squashed the urge to sigh loudly and instead, smiled widely and asked instead, “Are you hungry? I can make something.” Still no reply, he just stared at me, until I stared squirming.
“What’s wrong?” Yunho asked coming to stop in front of me, eyes imploring and curious, slightly tinged with worry.
I just shook my head and buried my head in the crook of his neck, my arms wrapping around his neck pulling him tight against me.
Let’s just stay this way forever.
Yunho wrapped his arms around my waist; cheek pressed against my head as he softly ran his hand up and down my back, idly tracing patterns in a soothing notion.
“You were doing it again.” Yunho stated rather than asked and a shuddering breath left me as I tried to repress the emotions inside.
There were times when all my confidence melted away and all that was left was this insecurity that almost eats me alive. When I’m stripped down, raw for everyone to see, I felt ugly. Not everyone knew it obviously; there were exactly four people who ever witnessed this side of me. It was terrifying sometimes to think how well my band mates knew me but underneath all that was this warmth that only came with them.
“Baby you’ve got to stop doing this to yourself.” Yunho said with a sigh, hands weaving through my hair comfortingly. I burrowed deeper in to his arms as an answer.
“Come on” Yunho said as he pulled away from me, took my hand and led me to our shared room.
Yunho’s lips softly met mine and his tongue came out, dancing tantalizingly with my own, starting to ignite a fire within me. His hands slowly massaged my stomach, fingers tracing the muscles as my own hands worked to get his shirt off, fingers carelessly working the buttons.
“I’ll make you see how beautiful you really are.” Yunho murmured against my lips as he made his way down towards my neck, softly licking and nipping the exposed flesh.
“I’ll show you how beautiful you are in my eyes.” Yunho whispered softly and I opened my mouth to retaliate, to correct him because I wasn’t but the words never left as Yunho’s mouth sought out mine harder this time.
Yunho slowly lowered my sweats along with my boxers over my hips before they hit the ground with a soft thud and I stepped out of them as Yunho turned me around to the full length mirror in our room.
My reflection stared back at me and I looked away and as I tried to turn around Yunho’s arms kept my back against his chest. His eyes bore in to my own, lust mixed with love filled his eyes as mine was filled with self hatred.
“Look at how beautiful you are Jae. A smile from you and my knees get weak.”
I squeezed my eyes shut; wanting to drown out his words but Yunho bit my neck harshly, soothing it with his tongue afterwards.
“You aren’t only beautiful on the outside, inside as well. You know this, now start believing in it.”
Yunho’s eyes bore in to my own and I pushed away the urge to hide, to push away Yunho and the need to make Yunho proud, overrode every other notion instead. I hesitantly looked back at the mirror, watched as Yunho’s hands traveled over the hard planes of my body and gasped as his hands encased my erection, fisting lightly, teasing me. A light flush came about my cheeks and Yunho’s eyes shined with glee and mischief.
I reached back just as he stepped away from me. I watched as he slowly undid he belt, watched as the zipper slid down to reveal a patch of black hair. I raised an eyebrow and Yunho smiled devilishly as he pushed his jeans down. His erection stood tall, a pearl of precum on the tip and I licked my lips, nearly moaning when Yunho fisted himself, groaning in pleasure as he put on a private show just for me.
I whimpered in need, needing him, needing to feel something other than loathing inside. Yunho kneeled in front of me, grinning widely and said, “Watch” he said simply as his tongue came out to lick the precum off my erection.
My eyes met my own and I watched as I disappeared into Yunho’s mouth, watched as my skin flushed a light pink, watched as I lost myself in a sea of pleasure. I threaded my hands through Yunho’s hair, fisting tightly when he moaned sending vibrations making me wither in pleasure.
“Ah…”
Yunho pulled away with an obscene slurp and reached for the lube we hastily through on the floor in the morning. Quickly lubing up three fingers, he reached behind him inserting two fingers roughly. I groaned as I watched in the mirror, two fingers disappear in to his ass, watched as his ass tightened in reflex before relaxing. I looked back down at Yunho, watched as his face was contorted in pleasure, head thrown back, as he fucked his fingers, all the while, staring at me, moaning in pleasure for me.
”Yunho-yah… “I moaned out his name and he pulled his fingers out, reached for the lubricant and squeezed some out on to his hand. I gasped as the cold lubricant met my hot erection but it slowly warmed up with the combined heat. Yunho stood up, planting two hands on either side of the mirror on the wall, spreading his legs to accommodate me.
“I want you to see what I see.” He whispered in a husky voice, low and rough with lust. I lined myself up and slowly pushed in, stopping only when I was buried fully inside. I waited for his signal, resting my forehead against his shoulder, trying not to thrust just yet.
“Move” Yunho practically ordered. I placed my hands on his waist, pulled out half way before thrusting back in, angling my hips to find that spot that made Yunho sing. His loud cry made me smirk in satisfaction. As our bodies moved in sync, our eyes met in the mirror.
I watched Yunho’s eyes dilate, watched myself thrust in and out of Yunho and couldn’t help the thought that maybe, I didn’t look too bad. Any other thought was lost as we got closer to completion. My thrusts became more erratic as Yunho’s cries got louder. I grabbed one of his thighs, pushed him forward as I shoved his thigh up and pressed his knee against the mirror, making me reach deeper and slammed my hips harder.
“fuck fuck fuck” Yunho cried out, words became a slur of nonsense and the world narrowed down to us and the mirror.
Yunho reached down and jerked himself one, twice before he came hard whispering my name like a prayer. I watched as his mouth fell open and his eyes glazing over with lust and I came hard, biting down on his neck.
I slowly pulled out of Yunho and slid down to the floor, sighing in happiness at the cool hardwood floors. Yunho nestled himself against my side, arm thrown across my waist, head resting in his palm as he gazed at me with half lidded eyes.
“No one else can make me feel the way you do Jae. Only you can make me forget everything with just one smile.” He said with so much conviction it made me blush.
“Sappy idiot” I murmured but pulled him down kissing him lightly on the lips, my whispered thank you making him smile.
I didn’t feel anymore beautiful than I did earlier but if Yunho really thought I was beautiful, if he believed in it so much, maybe it was worth believing in. Yunho didn’t put his faith in anyone now did he?
I felt my eyes close and darkness threatened to take me away but I pushed past it, reaching out to pull Yunho closer, “I love you” I said sleepily. I heard Yunho’s I love you too idiot as he lifted me up effortlessly to place me on the bed before climbing in also.
I felt his warmth next to me as he snuggled closer and I smiled and silently thanked my blessings. I distantly heard the others come home, loudly arguing but it all became a murmur, a slow lullaby as some of my own darkness disappeared, instead replacing itself with some of Yunho’s light.
Everyday is so wonderful and suddenly it’s hard to breathe.
Now and then I get insecure from all the pain, I’m so ashamed.
I am beautiful no matter what they say, words can bring me down.
I am beautiful in every single way, yes words can bring me down
So don’t you bring me down today.
AN: so… thoughts?
This is one of my more personal stories. Jae’s thoughts are my own. Even if I appear confident, and I am most of the times, there’s still a small part of me that’s insecure. I was listening to Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, one of my favorite songs and this kinda came about.
Anyways, appreciate thoughts, comments. ^^ <3