Til I weep no more strictly out of fear,
That I can't afford your love,
And the moon just burns above.
Please don't read this. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Things are falling apart, more so than usual. Beginning this school year was just the icing on top of how shitty my life is rn. My nana died yesterday due to cancer. My dad keeps pointing out that i chose kt over her and how it makes me feel like a horrible person. I remember my nana making me special Russian salad dressing every time i came over. I begged my nana to tell my mom the recipe so that she could make it since i didnt my nana often. My mom's never did taste the same.
I'm just getting used to having Melissa back into my life. Its so weird knowing that i could talk to her via text message but idk if i feel comfortable with that yet. I still feel like she left me when i needed her the most but its not her fault.
My mom tells me that days before her wedding she had second thoughts and that she should have listened to them. she talks about my father and the things he says like i haven't heard them first hand. Mother, i know how he is. He has made me into everything i hate about myself. I'm fully aware of how much of a bad person he is but you just flipping out about everything isn't helping. I realize you're stressed to but i cant help you. All of these words that you confide in me are words i shouldn't have to hear. I feel as if i am being tortured living here. Its the same fight everyday but the violent threats get worse as your volume increases. Instead of saying you'd beat my mom with a baseball bat i wish you'd actually do it to me so i can get out of this place.
Every time i see an empty wall when in the car i picture myself driving. I would swerve into oncoming traffic and into that wall. That's what i want.
And the moon just burns above.
Please don't read this. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Things are falling apart, more so than usual. Beginning this school year was just the icing on top of how shitty my life is rn. My nana died yesterday due to cancer. My dad keeps pointing out that i chose kt over her and how it makes me feel like a horrible person. I remember my nana making me special Russian salad dressing every time i came over. I begged my nana to tell my mom the recipe so that she could make it since i didnt my nana often. My mom's never did taste the same.
I'm just getting used to having Melissa back into my life. Its so weird knowing that i could talk to her via text message but idk if i feel comfortable with that yet. I still feel like she left me when i needed her the most but its not her fault.
My mom tells me that days before her wedding she had second thoughts and that she should have listened to them. she talks about my father and the things he says like i haven't heard them first hand. Mother, i know how he is. He has made me into everything i hate about myself. I'm fully aware of how much of a bad person he is but you just flipping out about everything isn't helping. I realize you're stressed to but i cant help you. All of these words that you confide in me are words i shouldn't have to hear. I feel as if i am being tortured living here. Its the same fight everyday but the violent threats get worse as your volume increases. Instead of saying you'd beat my mom with a baseball bat i wish you'd actually do it to me so i can get out of this place.
Every time i see an empty wall when in the car i picture myself driving. I would swerve into oncoming traffic and into that wall. That's what i want.