nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy,
i shouldnt be writting on el jay right now. its late and im tired and its just gonna sound like a drunk post. but i swear, im not drunk. yet anyways. but i dont really drink ever so idk why i would be drunk...rambling, should stop now.
i think i figured out why i was in the slump i was in last week. dont wanna write it on here though, it makes it more real. and just proves that i act stupidly and should really just get over my insecurities. but i still dont feel any better when thinking about it and its just. GAH. i want things to just be okay. why is it that whenever i start getting closer to one friend i start fading from the other? the love should just be spread around equally. and for you to realize that im not really happy at masterman. i love the people sure, but id rather just go to a school that isnt as hard and be an over-achiever there. i really dont need another reason to feel shitty about myself and you arent helping. you know i love you, probably more than i love myself but all of that just isnt returned. and im not expecting you to be a fuck up like me, its just you cant relate AT ALL and i just dont think you understand that. being around you so much, its inevitable that i compare myself to you and i just dont measure up. i never felt that i was good enough.
i feel good i just wish i felt better about us. there is obviously something wrong and i just think that neither of us wants to admit it. maybe i am looking in too deep into things (orly caitlyn? when has the ever happened before?) and everything will be back to normal by next week. i just want to be able to hug you and feel that safeness that i depend on. i dont even need to think about it, its just there. you can usually make me feel like everything is going to be okay and that i am cared for. you are my stability and i cant lose what we have.
on a higher note, tomorrow im hanging out with Gabby (well i guess later today, its like 1:50 in the morning) then sleeping over and im super excited. i havent seen my bb in over a month and i need her.
and next weekend im attending a FIESTA at amandas which shall be kickass.
EMMA EMMA, NEXT NEXT WEEK. WE NEED TO HANG OUT. Y/MFY?
i just realized i never wrote anything about Obama. and about the 2cm of snow and the bitter cold. but now its like 50 outside, lols. well when there was snow and it was cold the river looks AMAZING. i just got lost staring at it going to and from school. it was beautiful, frozen then the snow on top. it just looked peaceful.
i dont think anything i could say could describe my feelings during Obama's speech. i just have a good feeling about the guy. im already looking forward to voting in the next presidential election.
i think i figured out why i was in the slump i was in last week. dont wanna write it on here though, it makes it more real. and just proves that i act stupidly and should really just get over my insecurities. but i still dont feel any better when thinking about it and its just. GAH. i want things to just be okay. why is it that whenever i start getting closer to one friend i start fading from the other? the love should just be spread around equally. and for you to realize that im not really happy at masterman. i love the people sure, but id rather just go to a school that isnt as hard and be an over-achiever there. i really dont need another reason to feel shitty about myself and you arent helping. you know i love you, probably more than i love myself but all of that just isnt returned. and im not expecting you to be a fuck up like me, its just you cant relate AT ALL and i just dont think you understand that. being around you so much, its inevitable that i compare myself to you and i just dont measure up. i never felt that i was good enough.
i feel good i just wish i felt better about us. there is obviously something wrong and i just think that neither of us wants to admit it. maybe i am looking in too deep into things (orly caitlyn? when has the ever happened before?) and everything will be back to normal by next week. i just want to be able to hug you and feel that safeness that i depend on. i dont even need to think about it, its just there. you can usually make me feel like everything is going to be okay and that i am cared for. you are my stability and i cant lose what we have.
on a higher note, tomorrow im hanging out with Gabby (well i guess later today, its like 1:50 in the morning) then sleeping over and im super excited. i havent seen my bb in over a month and i need her.
and next weekend im attending a FIESTA at amandas which shall be kickass.
EMMA EMMA, NEXT NEXT WEEK. WE NEED TO HANG OUT. Y/MFY?
i just realized i never wrote anything about Obama. and about the 2cm of snow and the bitter cold. but now its like 50 outside, lols. well when there was snow and it was cold the river looks AMAZING. i just got lost staring at it going to and from school. it was beautiful, frozen then the snow on top. it just looked peaceful.
i dont think anything i could say could describe my feelings during Obama's speech. i just have a good feeling about the guy. im already looking forward to voting in the next presidential election.