"I guess I need you BaBy"
Interesting weekend...
rite now i feel a lot better than last weekend. thanx for all the encouraging words from friends! (shhh i love u). im not a secret psycho or someone whoz lookin for attention. jus wen i write n i read my thoughts i feel a lot better. itz my venting. im not ALWAYZ depressed n sad. im usually pretty happy despite my constant bitchin lol. so sumtimez when i smile i actually m happy =)...n then sumtimez im not! but thats life rite?
i really wanna go 2 the carnival! i have this sick obsession with the carnival n the rides. i always wanted 2 go on a date there...(actually i did 4 yrs ago but it wuz HORRIBLE so it doesnt count) i think it would b fun. so if ne1 wants 2 take me on a date 2 the carnival PLEEZE feel free lol. i've begged everyone 2 go wit me but i guess no1 has time 4 lil me >>tear<< itz ok im not dejected. those arent tears! im jus yawnin SHiiiT cant a bitch yawn? seriously everyone wuz really busy this weekend. everyone is gone. i hate that cuz then im alone n i start feelin depressed. itz this REALLY bad...condition i guess. if im alone on the weekends i jus feel worthless n im not sure y.
yesterday wuz really tuff but lookin back im really proud of myself. i finally stood up for myself n fought the temptation. occasionally i do that, lately a lil bit more often which is really good. i made plans on friday n after waitin for over an hour for said person 2 b "available" i decided i wuznt goin. so i opted 2 stay home alone, by myself even tho i could have gone out. but i stuck thru it n i survived even tho i wuz upset n dejected n blah blah n i acted liek a baby 4 a lil while but i made it. i think its the fighting that really gets me. constant fighting. over the same shit all the time. every weekend i go thru this. every time we make plans i have 2 sit n wait n im jus tired. my whole life is waitin god dammit. i wait 4 change.
speakin of change...i changed my hair! yay 4 me. now ima firey red head. itz very...different but i think it looks nice. i got mixed reactions but as long as im happy then i dont really care. i jus wanted sumthin different. i wanted a change so i can start over i guess. its a new beginning. (plus the red looks good wit my prom dress). i had my doubts about dying my whole head, especially b4 prom, but i decided 2 hell with it n jus took a dive. im happy.
congrats 2 mikey for winning one out of 2 games 2day. (mikey is my brother btw) hez sooo good at b-ball but i'll never admit it. he looks like such an old man! its scary. wen lil kids r taller than me it freaks me out. o n a 14 yr old hit on me...he wuz 6"...scary. he probably thought i wuz 12. i had an upsetting convo at the game but everyday i get a lil more closure n a lil closer 2 some type of resolution. one minute its jus the fone next its fone n huggin next its fone n cuddlin...but i can handle the truth - i jus wanna kno it. its hard 2 believe some one that can lie straight 2 ur face without blinkin once...n wen all the evidence points 2 the opposite conclusion. ahhh thats the trouble wit teenage love - so complicated. i cant wait till i can grow up! haha like it will b different...
b4 i go i remind my prom pplz that the pre-prom bbq is saturday. b there or b square - o n bring food- o n think of fun things 2 do (lets play 7 minutes in heaven lol)
*AlyssA*