Maybe We've Been Bent and Broken...
I think my time is due.
To approach...
To in some ways reiterate what I've said,
and yet, say things I've never said before.
Secondary Education has proved to serve its true purpose of teaching, but not that of the facts of facts but the facts of life, people, and what not. My high school experience can't be categorized as one of "scholarly learning" but rather of human character. I've observed, I've participated, and have become more 'knowledgeable.' It's taken four years of my life in a given institution to truly understand beliefs I'd always said, and it saddens me -the schisms, the deceit, the fear of honesty, the favouring of the unfavourable... Constantly questioning personal rationale because EVERYTHING is relative -fluctuating between extremes and the between, either or, right or wrong, left or right...
Maybe it's me and maybe it's not, but if it is, then consider me crazy...
Each day is a battle -it's own personal rollercoaster driven to take up its routes, down its slopes, and into its 'loopty-loops,' -only to again take you back to where it is you first began. It's almost as if you're taken round and round to catch on to your dizziness and then readily and unconsciously give yourself back into the dizziness of the whirlpool. To an extent, it's massochism and sadism rolled into one -a sickly enjoyment inflicted by the unconscious, driven to torment the unaware and innocent conscious who in turn, drives you.
They always tell you not to think too much, but then again, when do you ever stop thinking? Pursuing? Longing? You act only to think of your actions.
I'm tired of false ideals -mine, society's... Nothing makes sense anymore. I have all these ideas and insufficient funding, but maybe that's what we say is to dream -and slowly, I think I'm losing mine.
This has got to probably be the most mentally distraught journal I've written. My mind is going in circles, having flashbacks, and repressing present occurrences. And even, to an extent, I feel like a schizo; I have so many different feelings rushing about my insides that I don't know what it is I should do with myself anymore. Oh well...
On a lighter note, I've picked up doing sales at my job and so far I've been kicking some major arss! I seem to finally be thinking straight, or so I think? Lol. I feel a sense of determination to get everything I need to get done -DONE. It's only been one day and I've already sold a bag of candy on my own! Tomorrow I expect my sister to sell anywhere between 3 and 4 bags and then BAM! One more to go on and I'm set.
Also, to my great surprise, I can get my license already; the one year restricted policy goes in effect for those kids who were born in 1987 and on, so yes ladies and gentlemen I will be driving on my own...
-SOON!
To approach...
To in some ways reiterate what I've said,
and yet, say things I've never said before.
Secondary Education has proved to serve its true purpose of teaching, but not that of the facts of facts but the facts of life, people, and what not. My high school experience can't be categorized as one of "scholarly learning" but rather of human character. I've observed, I've participated, and have become more 'knowledgeable.' It's taken four years of my life in a given institution to truly understand beliefs I'd always said, and it saddens me -the schisms, the deceit, the fear of honesty, the favouring of the unfavourable... Constantly questioning personal rationale because EVERYTHING is relative -fluctuating between extremes and the between, either or, right or wrong, left or right...
Maybe it's me and maybe it's not, but if it is, then consider me crazy...
Each day is a battle -it's own personal rollercoaster driven to take up its routes, down its slopes, and into its 'loopty-loops,' -only to again take you back to where it is you first began. It's almost as if you're taken round and round to catch on to your dizziness and then readily and unconsciously give yourself back into the dizziness of the whirlpool. To an extent, it's massochism and sadism rolled into one -a sickly enjoyment inflicted by the unconscious, driven to torment the unaware and innocent conscious who in turn, drives you.
They always tell you not to think too much, but then again, when do you ever stop thinking? Pursuing? Longing? You act only to think of your actions.
I'm tired of false ideals -mine, society's... Nothing makes sense anymore. I have all these ideas and insufficient funding, but maybe that's what we say is to dream -and slowly, I think I'm losing mine.
This has got to probably be the most mentally distraught journal I've written. My mind is going in circles, having flashbacks, and repressing present occurrences. And even, to an extent, I feel like a schizo; I have so many different feelings rushing about my insides that I don't know what it is I should do with myself anymore. Oh well...
On a lighter note, I've picked up doing sales at my job and so far I've been kicking some major arss! I seem to finally be thinking straight, or so I think? Lol. I feel a sense of determination to get everything I need to get done -DONE. It's only been one day and I've already sold a bag of candy on my own! Tomorrow I expect my sister to sell anywhere between 3 and 4 bags and then BAM! One more to go on and I'm set.
Also, to my great surprise, I can get my license already; the one year restricted policy goes in effect for those kids who were born in 1987 and on, so yes ladies and gentlemen I will be driving on my own...
-SOON!