ehhhh
so i let myself hook up with the first guy who made a move without stating intentions or claiming to like me.
sly devil.
now I like, have feelings for him. oh man. how are you supposed to sleep with someone without being learning to adore them? and if you can't, then I am so sorry.
ah
I mean I genuinely enjoy spending time with Simon. He's so sweet and very smart and I appreciate that.
I guess I just miss how I felt about Josh. Fuck you know we had sex and I went home that night and wrote a poem about him. God the first time I met him he inspired me to write, although, it was self depricating. But like he had that immediete effect on me and Simon didn't.
It's really easy for me to appreciate Simon, and I'm comfortable with him and do like him but I don't really know where the difference between romantic love and an appreciative affection really comes into play. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of him and I being girlfriend and boyfriend. He says stuff like, I'm pretty into you, to me, and you're the only person i'm tryna make out with, and I just can't respond. I can't. I can't say, "you too", although I'm not hooking up with other people or anything. I'm never trying to hook up with anyone, and I don't know if I could be Simon's girlfriend.
I mean obviously I gave him a chance for a reason. Maybe it was convenience. Maybe it was knowing that kissing him wasn't agreeing to ANYTHING. It was just a chance for affection. I don't know I just feel like something is missing. I wouldn't be able to be his girlfriend unless I felt like I loved him. And I couldn't do that until I got a chance to open up to him about everything, and have him understand, have the relief in knowing someone gets me. He is fun to be with. We can relate to each other. I'm sure I could 'love' him but would it be any different from my love for BK?
Does this make me asexual? I have a libido though. Although, I don't iniate sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I was afraid to settle but I'm afraid that's what I'm doing. I DO LIKE him though. Actually I kind of wish he was here and I don't like it.
sly devil.
now I like, have feelings for him. oh man. how are you supposed to sleep with someone without being learning to adore them? and if you can't, then I am so sorry.
ah
I mean I genuinely enjoy spending time with Simon. He's so sweet and very smart and I appreciate that.
I guess I just miss how I felt about Josh. Fuck you know we had sex and I went home that night and wrote a poem about him. God the first time I met him he inspired me to write, although, it was self depricating. But like he had that immediete effect on me and Simon didn't.
It's really easy for me to appreciate Simon, and I'm comfortable with him and do like him but I don't really know where the difference between romantic love and an appreciative affection really comes into play. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of him and I being girlfriend and boyfriend. He says stuff like, I'm pretty into you, to me, and you're the only person i'm tryna make out with, and I just can't respond. I can't. I can't say, "you too", although I'm not hooking up with other people or anything. I'm never trying to hook up with anyone, and I don't know if I could be Simon's girlfriend.
I mean obviously I gave him a chance for a reason. Maybe it was convenience. Maybe it was knowing that kissing him wasn't agreeing to ANYTHING. It was just a chance for affection. I don't know I just feel like something is missing. I wouldn't be able to be his girlfriend unless I felt like I loved him. And I couldn't do that until I got a chance to open up to him about everything, and have him understand, have the relief in knowing someone gets me. He is fun to be with. We can relate to each other. I'm sure I could 'love' him but would it be any different from my love for BK?
Does this make me asexual? I have a libido though. Although, I don't iniate sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I was afraid to settle but I'm afraid that's what I'm doing. I DO LIKE him though. Actually I kind of wish he was here and I don't like it.