life so far and the things it consists of
I'm not going to get too deep in this one.
I have a lot of questions, though.
Why do I love boys the way I do? I feel like I have a catalogue of boys I'm interested in. I'm not in love with any. The only ones I felt like I could, aren't around. And if they were, I'm not sure I'd want to give up them all, just for one. (does this make me queer? in some way?).
I like the idea of "dating" or at least being around someone, and forming a close bond thats sexual. I think pairing up is natural. But even calling it dating, ugh, is way too personal. I want less, I want nothing. I want it all, but I don't want anything.
so, theres simon, who i need to make sure knows he's not the only one.
then theres joe, whose delightful, and so much fun.
and his friend mike, who I could probably talk to all night about philosophical and beautiful stuff, I like him a lot, I think,
and then theres one that doesn't exist and another who doesn't really mean a thing
and then theres the one whose here,
who sends me vague texts like,
"but really, maybe your fun to hang out with...sometimes maybe"
and whenever a boy says shit like this to me I get all defensive. like nahhh don't play around like that, i'm not playing games withchuu, even though we totally are playing games right now because wtf is going on? I like hanging around him and maybe I even like him.. alright I kind of like him... yeah he's got a lot going on that I like.... but ugh I'm not like infatuated. like, mike I feel almost infatuated with. Josh I was infatuated with. Dan, I like. It's totally different. Ugh. I'm sick of this fucking shit, yo, just tired of thinking about this shit at all. It is so fucking irrelevant. I just dont' care. I'm really over it. I'm gonna do what I want, with who I want, and make decent decisions cause I'm not a retard and none of you are my boyfrends and you will not be my boyfriend no matter what oaky
I have a lot of questions, though.
Why do I love boys the way I do? I feel like I have a catalogue of boys I'm interested in. I'm not in love with any. The only ones I felt like I could, aren't around. And if they were, I'm not sure I'd want to give up them all, just for one. (does this make me queer? in some way?).
I like the idea of "dating" or at least being around someone, and forming a close bond thats sexual. I think pairing up is natural. But even calling it dating, ugh, is way too personal. I want less, I want nothing. I want it all, but I don't want anything.
so, theres simon, who i need to make sure knows he's not the only one.
then theres joe, whose delightful, and so much fun.
and his friend mike, who I could probably talk to all night about philosophical and beautiful stuff, I like him a lot, I think,
and then theres one that doesn't exist and another who doesn't really mean a thing
and then theres the one whose here,
who sends me vague texts like,
"but really, maybe your fun to hang out with...sometimes maybe"
and whenever a boy says shit like this to me I get all defensive. like nahhh don't play around like that, i'm not playing games withchuu, even though we totally are playing games right now because wtf is going on? I like hanging around him and maybe I even like him.. alright I kind of like him... yeah he's got a lot going on that I like.... but ugh I'm not like infatuated. like, mike I feel almost infatuated with. Josh I was infatuated with. Dan, I like. It's totally different. Ugh. I'm sick of this fucking shit, yo, just tired of thinking about this shit at all. It is so fucking irrelevant. I just dont' care. I'm really over it. I'm gonna do what I want, with who I want, and make decent decisions cause I'm not a retard and none of you are my boyfrends and you will not be my boyfriend no matter what oaky