It has been an eternity
I wish I even knew what to put in here. How I quit two perfectly good jobs then worked retail all Christmas. What a fall from engineering grace. Now facing unemployment again how I sleep all day even after my husband thinks he woke me up. I could post how I'm fairly certain im depressed seeing as how I now sit on the couch and play stupid iPad app games all day while marathoning TV shows I don't even like on Netflix. So much depression there.
I'm a horrible wife. The house is a complete mess and I don't clean it, I don't cook or do dishes hell half the time I don't get my own drinks and wait for my husband to get home to refill my tea even if I'm parched. It's pathetic and humiliating and I feel so unimportant and insignificant. How did I fall so far.
I still feel superior to the general public though since my bank account could support my housewifery for another two to three years but I just feel awful and staying up til four am for no reason isn't helping. How do I get out of this funk? I'm pretty sure it is not by posting to livejournal.
No one is here anyway... And this journal only has two friends to its name. I don't get it. I want to start a blog but am too lazy to ever get there... When did I become a helpless person who thinks standing is a waste of time.
In other related news I have had a huge case of ringworm for over a year now...going to the dermatologist AGAIN which makes about ten appointments total for this issue and the rash on my breast that won't go away either. I'm terrified I have cancer or something. Rashes on boobs that don't go away just terrify me...so far the dermatologist has just kind of given me creams and told me it's not staph but no one has actually even tried to investigate.
This entry is so randomly jumpy... I miss my friends from work...having a small social life and now that my husband is taking two guys nights out every week I feel so alone. My friends are all pregnant and I haven't had sex in three months. I think I'm in a sexless marriage which so far is fine and all but every week we both talk about how much we want kids and want themNOW and yet here we stay sexless. I feel I have no one to talk to. When I quit working my friends became jealous I was so privileged to save enough money to do it. People don't understand my depression without the constant need to try and tell me to get over it I have a great life( which I know I have) and I have never talked about my sex life ever really. The few close friends I use to have live far away and we never talk... I also feel burdensome when I try to talk to them. The few close friends I have around here I haven't seen since probably September and they all live so close.
So a TMI post that someone may or may not stumble across. This is what happens when I don't journal for two years.... I should use the new journal I bought...or read.... Or try to sleep since its two am.. Even though I woke up so very recently. I miss having a purpose...or at least someone who doesn't let me get away with things... I have a great husband but he is a pushover to my every whim.
I'm a horrible wife. The house is a complete mess and I don't clean it, I don't cook or do dishes hell half the time I don't get my own drinks and wait for my husband to get home to refill my tea even if I'm parched. It's pathetic and humiliating and I feel so unimportant and insignificant. How did I fall so far.
I still feel superior to the general public though since my bank account could support my housewifery for another two to three years but I just feel awful and staying up til four am for no reason isn't helping. How do I get out of this funk? I'm pretty sure it is not by posting to livejournal.
No one is here anyway... And this journal only has two friends to its name. I don't get it. I want to start a blog but am too lazy to ever get there... When did I become a helpless person who thinks standing is a waste of time.
In other related news I have had a huge case of ringworm for over a year now...going to the dermatologist AGAIN which makes about ten appointments total for this issue and the rash on my breast that won't go away either. I'm terrified I have cancer or something. Rashes on boobs that don't go away just terrify me...so far the dermatologist has just kind of given me creams and told me it's not staph but no one has actually even tried to investigate.
This entry is so randomly jumpy... I miss my friends from work...having a small social life and now that my husband is taking two guys nights out every week I feel so alone. My friends are all pregnant and I haven't had sex in three months. I think I'm in a sexless marriage which so far is fine and all but every week we both talk about how much we want kids and want themNOW and yet here we stay sexless. I feel I have no one to talk to. When I quit working my friends became jealous I was so privileged to save enough money to do it. People don't understand my depression without the constant need to try and tell me to get over it I have a great life( which I know I have) and I have never talked about my sex life ever really. The few close friends I use to have live far away and we never talk... I also feel burdensome when I try to talk to them. The few close friends I have around here I haven't seen since probably September and they all live so close.
So a TMI post that someone may or may not stumble across. This is what happens when I don't journal for two years.... I should use the new journal I bought...or read.... Or try to sleep since its two am.. Even though I woke up so very recently. I miss having a purpose...or at least someone who doesn't let me get away with things... I have a great husband but he is a pushover to my every whim.