Adventures with Zombies
Okay, so I went to my sister's place for Thanksgiving (best dinner EVER, btw) and I know my nephew Robbie, who is 19, has an XBox 360, because video games are to him what QaF is to me. So I tell him that next time I'm over, he should rent "Dead Rising". ("Dead Rising" is a video game in which you are a character who is trapped in a mall with zombies. TRAPPED IN A MALL WITH ZOMBIES. omg.)
So he says: I HAVE IT RIGHT NOW.
So I then proceeded to have the best half hour of lameness ever. Because I cannot play video games. The last (and only) system I had was original Nintendo. The XBox 360 controller has 5 buttons, 2 toggles, and a trigger.
I SUCKED SO BAD BUT I HAD SO MUCH FUN.
Robbie got me to the point where he was in the mall with the zombies, and had a weapon (a piece of lumber). I then killed 20 zombies! YAY ME! Except 20 is actually not very good, and Robbie's all RUN RUN! and I'm trying to run but nothing is happening, and then the zombies overwhelmed me, and Robbie had to quickly grab the controller out of my hand and save my ass.
Then he got me a gun. He cleared out a bunch of zombies, and showed me how to shoot. Move the guy with the toggle, press the trigger to get a little X to appear (the sight of the gun), press the blue button to fire. My guy just ended up spinning in circles - I can NEVER get him to run -- (damn toggle!) and I'm trying to fire and nothing's happening! And Robbie's all "PRESS THE BLUE BUTTON" and I'm all "I AM! I AM!" but I can't look down at my controller because OMG THERE ARE ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE and then after I get overwhelmed again and Robbie grabs the controller out of my hands to save my ass again, I see that I've been pressing... the YELLOW BUTTON.
*facepalm*
So then Robbie is like, okay, clearly Auntie Vicki is the lamest person ever, so I will get her the best ultimate weapon. The chainsaw. He tells me that I cannot die with the chainsaw. Pffft! I say. He also got me wine so my life was replenished, and got me an extra bottle of wine for life for when I got low later. Okay. We're all good. Heh. Riiiight.
When my guy uses the chainsaw, he spins. Spins and spins. Anyway, I cut about 10 more zombies in half, and then... my chainsaw is gone. AAACK.
But I ran! I figured it out and then I'm all LOOK AT ME I'M RUNNING and Robbie is ignoring me because he's now across the room talking to his friends.
So once I figure out how to run... I can't quite figure out how to, ya know, TURN. And my chainsaw is gone. I am weaponless, man. And I run into a group of zombies.
I start yelling (well, yelling MORE) coz my guy is being attacked by all these zombies and he's DYING and of course again I can't RUN because the zombies have grabbed hold of me and I suck (damn toggle!) so Robbie sprints across the room and he's all "You're out of fuel ALREADY?!?" (apparently these chainsaws are supposed to last a long time, which is why Robbie thought it was safe to leave my side, but I am special and can wear one out in 2 minutes)... and then he's all "WHERE'S YOUR LIFE??" coz apparenlty while hitting random buttons to try to run, I drank my wine. Ooops.
So. My guy died.
It was awesome.
Apparently my family could hear me freaking out and yelling all the way downstairs. I rock.
In other zombie news, there's a new remake of "Night of the Living Dead" coming out in November. It's in 3D. *sigh* (Okay, I will try to reserve judgement till I see it. But man. 3D. Geez.)
.
So he says: I HAVE IT RIGHT NOW.
So I then proceeded to have the best half hour of lameness ever. Because I cannot play video games. The last (and only) system I had was original Nintendo. The XBox 360 controller has 5 buttons, 2 toggles, and a trigger.
I SUCKED SO BAD BUT I HAD SO MUCH FUN.
Robbie got me to the point where he was in the mall with the zombies, and had a weapon (a piece of lumber). I then killed 20 zombies! YAY ME! Except 20 is actually not very good, and Robbie's all RUN RUN! and I'm trying to run but nothing is happening, and then the zombies overwhelmed me, and Robbie had to quickly grab the controller out of my hand and save my ass.
Then he got me a gun. He cleared out a bunch of zombies, and showed me how to shoot. Move the guy with the toggle, press the trigger to get a little X to appear (the sight of the gun), press the blue button to fire. My guy just ended up spinning in circles - I can NEVER get him to run -- (damn toggle!) and I'm trying to fire and nothing's happening! And Robbie's all "PRESS THE BLUE BUTTON" and I'm all "I AM! I AM!" but I can't look down at my controller because OMG THERE ARE ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE and then after I get overwhelmed again and Robbie grabs the controller out of my hands to save my ass again, I see that I've been pressing... the YELLOW BUTTON.
*facepalm*
So then Robbie is like, okay, clearly Auntie Vicki is the lamest person ever, so I will get her the best ultimate weapon. The chainsaw. He tells me that I cannot die with the chainsaw. Pffft! I say. He also got me wine so my life was replenished, and got me an extra bottle of wine for life for when I got low later. Okay. We're all good. Heh. Riiiight.
When my guy uses the chainsaw, he spins. Spins and spins. Anyway, I cut about 10 more zombies in half, and then... my chainsaw is gone. AAACK.
But I ran! I figured it out and then I'm all LOOK AT ME I'M RUNNING and Robbie is ignoring me because he's now across the room talking to his friends.
So once I figure out how to run... I can't quite figure out how to, ya know, TURN. And my chainsaw is gone. I am weaponless, man. And I run into a group of zombies.
I start yelling (well, yelling MORE) coz my guy is being attacked by all these zombies and he's DYING and of course again I can't RUN because the zombies have grabbed hold of me and I suck (damn toggle!) so Robbie sprints across the room and he's all "You're out of fuel ALREADY?!?" (apparently these chainsaws are supposed to last a long time, which is why Robbie thought it was safe to leave my side, but I am special and can wear one out in 2 minutes)... and then he's all "WHERE'S YOUR LIFE??" coz apparenlty while hitting random buttons to try to run, I drank my wine. Ooops.
So. My guy died.
It was awesome.
Apparently my family could hear me freaking out and yelling all the way downstairs. I rock.
In other zombie news, there's a new remake of "Night of the Living Dead" coming out in November. It's in 3D. *sigh* (Okay, I will try to reserve judgement till I see it. But man. 3D. Geez.)
.