That's it. They've gone and pissed off the girlnerds.
IF BAD WORDS OFFEND YOU WHY THE SHIT DID YOU FRIEND ME AVERT YOUR EYES!
You guys have probably heard by now about that LA Times article where they posted that lame-ass Girl's Guide to Comic Con which really should have been called a Girl's Guide to Shallow Shit and All the Other Stupid Things They're Supposed to Like.
EXHIBIT A:
Women will be rushing the stage, offering to do star Jake Gyllenhaal's laundry on those washboard abs that he acquired for the film, since he spends much of it fighting, shirtless or both. Jake, we don't want to know how to quit you.
...SUCK MY NON-EXISTENT DICK, YOU DOUCHETWADDLE. You think I'd go to Comic Con just to ogle some pretty actor and offer to do his laundry? Like, I would travel so far just to gaze up into some famous dick's face and go, "Please sir, nothing would give me more pleasure than washing your dirty briefs?." No, you ass towel, and you're retarded for even thinking about it! I was into sci-fi and fantasy before my hormones ever told me that , "Oh yeah, I'd like to tap Draco Malfoy's pale ass." I was collecting fucking VHS tapes of sci-fi anime series when I was NINE. You remember VHS tapes, right? Big-ass black rectangular hunks of plastic you could crack skulls with if you lobbed them hard enough at a jackass' head. I suddenly have the urge to go look for one.
EXHIBIT B:
'New Moon' Edward and Jacob appear shirtless in the upcoming "Twilight" sequel, so arrive to Hall H early - as in a week or two before - to beat out all the other would-be Bellas who will no doubt descend. A word of caution: Robert Pattinson is currently filming a romantic comedy (opposite “Lost’s” Emilie de Ravin) in New York so he might be M.I.A. Still, count on the publicity-loving-yet-affable Taylor Lautner …
STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING TWILIGHT SHIT ALREADY. Not every girl likes Edward Fucking Cullen and his Army of Undead Sparklepires. I didn't like it when I was fourteen and I don't like it now. No, I do not want him to suck my blood. No, I do not want him to stalk me. If I find some pale-ass motherfucker I don't know in my room in the middle of the night, I'l fucking shoot him, not go, "AWW, HE TRULY CARES."
So please, back the fuck away with the Twilight shit and tell the actor to stop scowling so much and to comb his hair properly. It's starting to make him look like a smelly drug addict.
EXHIBIT C:
'The Wolfman' Vampire-lovers have it all wrong. Werewolves can keep you warm, sympathize with your monthly curse, sniff out where you lost your keys and not thirst for your sweet, sweet blood. Bonus: Benicio del Toro's natural wolf-y looks won't even require hair and makeup for the panel.
Thank you for telling me that my perfectly normal menstrual cycles are comparable to a supernatural disease that turns a person into a hairy animal who'll kill anything in it's path. Really.
EXHIBIT D:
'Vampire Diaries' For the poor girls who couldn't cram themselves into the "New Moon" panel, try on the upcoming CW series from "Dawson's Creek" boss Kevin Williamson. Who knows if it will be any good -- it stars "Degrassi" alum Nina Dobrev, which makes us recall her fellow alum, "90210's" Shenae Grimes, which makes us not-so-hopeful -- but there will be eye candy aplenty from the menfolk. Paul Wesley and Ian Somerhalder
Yeah, because obviously, if I'm not going for McSparklecrotch, I'm going for the guy with the forehead the size of Manhattan. Well, him or his Robe Lowe wannabe evil vampire brother.
It doesn't make me sad that there are people who think all female sci fi/fantasy fans are like this. It pisses me off. Who the hell do you think you are telling us that we only like these genres because we're silly little girls who only like to giggle and blush prettily as we gaze in awe at Edward Cullen's hairless chest? It's insulting. Is it really so incredible to believe that girls have other things on their minds when they go to conventions besides boys and house chores?
I also find it insulting that it assumes that the only females who come to Comic Con are adolescent girls. I've been on LJ long enough to know that a lot of the ladies who go to these sorts of conventions aren't preteens or teenagers. And also, they aren't mentally unstable morons who flail at the sight of a man.
You guys have probably heard by now about that LA Times article where they posted that lame-ass Girl's Guide to Comic Con which really should have been called a Girl's Guide to Shallow Shit and All the Other Stupid Things They're Supposed to Like.
EXHIBIT A:
Women will be rushing the stage, offering to do star Jake Gyllenhaal's laundry on those washboard abs that he acquired for the film, since he spends much of it fighting, shirtless or both. Jake, we don't want to know how to quit you.
...SUCK MY NON-EXISTENT DICK, YOU DOUCHETWADDLE. You think I'd go to Comic Con just to ogle some pretty actor and offer to do his laundry? Like, I would travel so far just to gaze up into some famous dick's face and go, "Please sir, nothing would give me more pleasure than washing your dirty briefs?." No, you ass towel, and you're retarded for even thinking about it! I was into sci-fi and fantasy before my hormones ever told me that , "Oh yeah, I'd like to tap Draco Malfoy's pale ass." I was collecting fucking VHS tapes of sci-fi anime series when I was NINE. You remember VHS tapes, right? Big-ass black rectangular hunks of plastic you could crack skulls with if you lobbed them hard enough at a jackass' head. I suddenly have the urge to go look for one.
EXHIBIT B:
'New Moon' Edward and Jacob appear shirtless in the upcoming "Twilight" sequel, so arrive to Hall H early - as in a week or two before - to beat out all the other would-be Bellas who will no doubt descend. A word of caution: Robert Pattinson is currently filming a romantic comedy (opposite “Lost’s” Emilie de Ravin) in New York so he might be M.I.A. Still, count on the publicity-loving-yet-affable Taylor Lautner …
STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING TWILIGHT SHIT ALREADY. Not every girl likes Edward Fucking Cullen and his Army of Undead Sparklepires. I didn't like it when I was fourteen and I don't like it now. No, I do not want him to suck my blood. No, I do not want him to stalk me. If I find some pale-ass motherfucker I don't know in my room in the middle of the night, I'l fucking shoot him, not go, "AWW, HE TRULY CARES."
So please, back the fuck away with the Twilight shit and tell the actor to stop scowling so much and to comb his hair properly. It's starting to make him look like a smelly drug addict.
EXHIBIT C:
'The Wolfman' Vampire-lovers have it all wrong. Werewolves can keep you warm, sympathize with your monthly curse, sniff out where you lost your keys and not thirst for your sweet, sweet blood. Bonus: Benicio del Toro's natural wolf-y looks won't even require hair and makeup for the panel.
Thank you for telling me that my perfectly normal menstrual cycles are comparable to a supernatural disease that turns a person into a hairy animal who'll kill anything in it's path. Really.
EXHIBIT D:
'Vampire Diaries' For the poor girls who couldn't cram themselves into the "New Moon" panel, try on the upcoming CW series from "Dawson's Creek" boss Kevin Williamson. Who knows if it will be any good -- it stars "Degrassi" alum Nina Dobrev, which makes us recall her fellow alum, "90210's" Shenae Grimes, which makes us not-so-hopeful -- but there will be eye candy aplenty from the menfolk. Paul Wesley and Ian Somerhalder
Yeah, because obviously, if I'm not going for McSparklecrotch, I'm going for the guy with the forehead the size of Manhattan. Well, him or his Robe Lowe wannabe evil vampire brother.
It doesn't make me sad that there are people who think all female sci fi/fantasy fans are like this. It pisses me off. Who the hell do you think you are telling us that we only like these genres because we're silly little girls who only like to giggle and blush prettily as we gaze in awe at Edward Cullen's hairless chest? It's insulting. Is it really so incredible to believe that girls have other things on their minds when they go to conventions besides boys and house chores?
I also find it insulting that it assumes that the only females who come to Comic Con are adolescent girls. I've been on LJ long enough to know that a lot of the ladies who go to these sorts of conventions aren't preteens or teenagers. And also, they aren't mentally unstable morons who flail at the sight of a man.