Wounds
No amount of cold perspective can stop me from missing her.
To lose touch with a friend is tragic, to lose touch with a loved one is devastating. These are the people you want to know most about, the people you share a genuine interest in, that you feel invested in. When that's gone, when you know it has to be, when you know it's ultimately for the best, it rends its own wounds.
How do you go from being so obsessively involved and invested in the daily life and state of being of a person to treating them as a ghost? Now all we can be are ghosts to each other, memories of lives that touched our own before the guillotine slamed suddenly down. We still cherish that person, they still mean so much to us, but no amount of mourning will bring them back.
I guess the guillotine wasn't so sudden either. It was more like watching someone wither and die of cancer. Trying to hold on with everything you have, trying to eke out just one more day before they're gone forever, trying to convince them not to give up - not because it's best for them but because you can't stand to face the moment where their light finally fades from your life forever.
I've been fortunate to not experienced a lot of death in my life but I don't feel a lot of difference between those instances and this. In many ways this is death of a different sort.
To lose touch with a friend is tragic, to lose touch with a loved one is devastating. These are the people you want to know most about, the people you share a genuine interest in, that you feel invested in. When that's gone, when you know it has to be, when you know it's ultimately for the best, it rends its own wounds.
How do you go from being so obsessively involved and invested in the daily life and state of being of a person to treating them as a ghost? Now all we can be are ghosts to each other, memories of lives that touched our own before the guillotine slamed suddenly down. We still cherish that person, they still mean so much to us, but no amount of mourning will bring them back.
I guess the guillotine wasn't so sudden either. It was more like watching someone wither and die of cancer. Trying to hold on with everything you have, trying to eke out just one more day before they're gone forever, trying to convince them not to give up - not because it's best for them but because you can't stand to face the moment where their light finally fades from your life forever.
I've been fortunate to not experienced a lot of death in my life but I don't feel a lot of difference between those instances and this. In many ways this is death of a different sort.