Slow Realizations
Ongoing depression and anxiety has a very noticeable affect on one's cognition. It spreads, taking over the mind, filling whichever spaces it can find and shutting down the systems it relies upon to survive. They're cancers of the mind.
The scope of what's happened here didn't really set in at first. Now that I'm starting to grasp it I can only be left feeling such incredible guilt. That the information here was made public was never even a thought to me. No one except 3 people were to even know it existed.
The damage this must have done. The private, personal information of another that I have laid bare within, secrets that were not mine to tell. I was here talking to myself and talking to her, the idea that more eyes would descend upon this place should have been a consideration but it wasn't.
Excuses. I've done this damage and I don't even get to bear the brunt of the consequences of it.
I didn't bother to make private my previous posts figuring that the damage was already done, but there's always the fear of more eyes finding it, of it being shared... so at least I've rectified that, even if it's far too late to have any meaningful effect.
I start my new meds today. Hopefully they help me move on with my obligations, with my life.
The scope of what's happened here didn't really set in at first. Now that I'm starting to grasp it I can only be left feeling such incredible guilt. That the information here was made public was never even a thought to me. No one except 3 people were to even know it existed.
The damage this must have done. The private, personal information of another that I have laid bare within, secrets that were not mine to tell. I was here talking to myself and talking to her, the idea that more eyes would descend upon this place should have been a consideration but it wasn't.
Excuses. I've done this damage and I don't even get to bear the brunt of the consequences of it.
I didn't bother to make private my previous posts figuring that the damage was already done, but there's always the fear of more eyes finding it, of it being shared... so at least I've rectified that, even if it's far too late to have any meaningful effect.
I start my new meds today. Hopefully they help me move on with my obligations, with my life.