The Best and Worst Movies of 2008
God, there were so many movies released this year that I wanted to check out but never got a chance to (Burn After Reading, The Fall, Zack and Miri, Role Models, etc.), so this list isn't as complete as it should be. But whatever, fuck it.
The Worst Movies of 2008
4. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Lot of people we're hatin' on this movie, as well they should. The alien plot was dumb as hell and things really started taking a dive into the shithole near the end, but honestly, I thought there was enough old school Indie action in it to keep from being complete worthless. On a side note, Shia LeDouche is still a fuckin' quee-ah.
3. You Don't Mess With the Zohan
Watched on bootleg. Meh. It was kinda funny, but still pretty stupid.
2. Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Ugh. A decided improvement over the first movie, but seriously...it was so fucking forgettable I honestly can't remember 85% of what happens in the movie.
1. The Happening
What a STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID fucking movie. Sweet jesus. Thank god I watched bootleg and didn't give that asshole a single penny. Worst writing, directing, acting I've seen in a long while. He better be thankful Unbreakable was so awesome.
The Best Movies of 2008
12. Hamlet 2
Ah, the little indie comedy that could. Many of the jokes fall flat and are cliche, but Steve Coogan carries the movie and there genuinely are some pretty damn funny moments.
11. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Missing some of the charm from the first movie, the sequel didn't disappoint. Rob Cordry was great, and NPH was even funnier than he was in the first.
10. Wanted
This movie was straight up retarded, but it was at least a higher quality of stupid entertainment than what you'd usually find. And dear god, James MacAvoy, take the fucking cotton out of your mouth. You make some of the dumbest facial expressions I've ever seen.
9. Kung Fu Panda
Julia boycotted this movie when it was in theaters, so another victory for the bootleg industry. But much to our surprise, it was a lot better than advertised. Granted, my expectations were pretty low to begin with, but besides the typical prat fall humor, it was actually good.
8. Pineapple Express
To be honest, I was kind of disappointed with this one. I was going in thinking it would be a stoner opus at least on the level of Half Baked, but it just didn't turn out as funny as I thought it'd be. Granted, it still had a lot of hilarious moments. And sorry, James Franco was pretty good, but Danny McBride's Red was the best character in the movie.
7. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Another case of some stuff better here, some stuff better in the original. Still enjoyable.
6. Cloverfield
Except for almost throwing up 70 minutes into the film, I thought this was great. Considering what they were trying to pull off, I thought they did a stellar job. Next time, though, please less Hipsters as main characters, okay? So, good, but...UNFORTUNATELY, this movie gets negative points in my book because the main character played by Michael Stahl-David is still the older brother of ANDREW STAHL-DAVID, aka DREWFAG, aka the COCKSUCKER from Whitney Young who will forever annoy the shit out of me, with his fucking beat boxing and spoken word bullshit. FUCK YOU.
5. Tropic Thunder
Robert Downey Jr. in black face. /end post.
4. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
40 Year Old Virgin was overrated. The women in Knocked Up made me want to shoot myself (looking at YOU Katherine Heigl). Superbad was pretty funny, but I never really need to see it again. When the advertisement for FSM first came out, I thought it looked dumb. Really dumb. Oh, how wrong was I. I honestly believe this is the funniest in this "series" of movies. Jason Segel > Seth Rogan with his weird drool/lisp thing, and holy bejesus did Mila Kunis look damn good.
3. Let the Right One In
Julia had been telling about this movie for weeks..."It's a Swedish vampire movie, I wanna go seeeee it." OK, goodgod. Much to my delight (arousal?), it was a fucking good movie. Very different from the typical vampire movie. May be a little slow paced for some, but I thought it was great and the payoff at the end was sweettits. Aaaand of course since it's been successful they're remaking it with Gringos, but w/e, see the original. It's awesome.
2. Iron Man
Once again, RDJ made this movie, but much of the credit also must go to Jon Favreau. In the hands of another director it probably would've been shit, or not nearly as good. Got a bit campy with the final fight, but Iron Man's powning in the desert just shows that it'll only get better from here.
1. Slumdog Millionaire
Wow. This movie just completely blew me away. If anyone needs reaffirmation of the human spirit, this is it. A story of hope and love, this movie just fills you with nothing but pure goodness.
Just kidding, fuck that gay shit.
1. The Dark Knight
As if anything else could be my #1 movie of the year. It's only...oh, I don't know...the second most successful movie of all time? Fuck you, Harvey Weinstein, it's because of you that Dark Knight isn't nominated for Best Picture. Well, Fuck you, fuck the Oscars. Best movie of 2008, right here.
The Worst Movies of 2008
4. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Lot of people we're hatin' on this movie, as well they should. The alien plot was dumb as hell and things really started taking a dive into the shithole near the end, but honestly, I thought there was enough old school Indie action in it to keep from being complete worthless. On a side note, Shia LeDouche is still a fuckin' quee-ah.
3. You Don't Mess With the Zohan
Watched on bootleg. Meh. It was kinda funny, but still pretty stupid.
2. Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Ugh. A decided improvement over the first movie, but seriously...it was so fucking forgettable I honestly can't remember 85% of what happens in the movie.
1. The Happening
What a STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID fucking movie. Sweet jesus. Thank god I watched bootleg and didn't give that asshole a single penny. Worst writing, directing, acting I've seen in a long while. He better be thankful Unbreakable was so awesome.
The Best Movies of 2008
12. Hamlet 2
Ah, the little indie comedy that could. Many of the jokes fall flat and are cliche, but Steve Coogan carries the movie and there genuinely are some pretty damn funny moments.
11. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Missing some of the charm from the first movie, the sequel didn't disappoint. Rob Cordry was great, and NPH was even funnier than he was in the first.
10. Wanted
This movie was straight up retarded, but it was at least a higher quality of stupid entertainment than what you'd usually find. And dear god, James MacAvoy, take the fucking cotton out of your mouth. You make some of the dumbest facial expressions I've ever seen.
9. Kung Fu Panda
Julia boycotted this movie when it was in theaters, so another victory for the bootleg industry. But much to our surprise, it was a lot better than advertised. Granted, my expectations were pretty low to begin with, but besides the typical prat fall humor, it was actually good.
8. Pineapple Express
To be honest, I was kind of disappointed with this one. I was going in thinking it would be a stoner opus at least on the level of Half Baked, but it just didn't turn out as funny as I thought it'd be. Granted, it still had a lot of hilarious moments. And sorry, James Franco was pretty good, but Danny McBride's Red was the best character in the movie.
7. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Another case of some stuff better here, some stuff better in the original. Still enjoyable.
6. Cloverfield
Except for almost throwing up 70 minutes into the film, I thought this was great. Considering what they were trying to pull off, I thought they did a stellar job. Next time, though, please less Hipsters as main characters, okay? So, good, but...UNFORTUNATELY, this movie gets negative points in my book because the main character played by Michael Stahl-David is still the older brother of ANDREW STAHL-DAVID, aka DREWFAG, aka the COCKSUCKER from Whitney Young who will forever annoy the shit out of me, with his fucking beat boxing and spoken word bullshit. FUCK YOU.
5. Tropic Thunder
Robert Downey Jr. in black face. /end post.
4. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
40 Year Old Virgin was overrated. The women in Knocked Up made me want to shoot myself (looking at YOU Katherine Heigl). Superbad was pretty funny, but I never really need to see it again. When the advertisement for FSM first came out, I thought it looked dumb. Really dumb. Oh, how wrong was I. I honestly believe this is the funniest in this "series" of movies. Jason Segel > Seth Rogan with his weird drool/lisp thing, and holy bejesus did Mila Kunis look damn good.
3. Let the Right One In
Julia had been telling about this movie for weeks..."It's a Swedish vampire movie, I wanna go seeeee it." OK, goodgod. Much to my delight (arousal?), it was a fucking good movie. Very different from the typical vampire movie. May be a little slow paced for some, but I thought it was great and the payoff at the end was sweettits. Aaaand of course since it's been successful they're remaking it with Gringos, but w/e, see the original. It's awesome.
2. Iron Man
Once again, RDJ made this movie, but much of the credit also must go to Jon Favreau. In the hands of another director it probably would've been shit, or not nearly as good. Got a bit campy with the final fight, but Iron Man's powning in the desert just shows that it'll only get better from here.
1. Slumdog Millionaire
Wow. This movie just completely blew me away. If anyone needs reaffirmation of the human spirit, this is it. A story of hope and love, this movie just fills you with nothing but pure goodness.
Just kidding, fuck that gay shit.
1. The Dark Knight
As if anything else could be my #1 movie of the year. It's only...oh, I don't know...the second most successful movie of all time? Fuck you, Harvey Weinstein, it's because of you that Dark Knight isn't nominated for Best Picture. Well, Fuck you, fuck the Oscars. Best movie of 2008, right here.