House - 4x07 - Ugly
The episode starts out in black-and-white, and it looks like it's supposed to be someone filming it.
There's a young man with a large tumor-like lump on his face, and this little girl starts screaming. The man that the camera had been focusing on, who I'm assuming is the guy's father, tells the girl's dad to take her away - and he does, apologizing profusely for his daughter.
It switches to color for a second, showing men with cameras. So, yeah, black-and-white is being filmed on camera while color is supposed to be what's happening off-camera.
The kid, Kenny, is scheduled to have surgery to fix his face. Twenty-four hours until he goes into surgery, two hours for prep, and ten hours for the surgery itself.
"Thirty-six until I'm just another face in the crowd."
Chase is one of the doctors doing the kid's surgery. He's talking for the documentary crew, albeit reluctantly, when alarms start going off.
The kid's heart stops before they can even give him anesthesia. Something's definitely wrong there.
Cuddy and Chase are a little nervous about having a camera on them, but House is... being his usual charming self.
"It was a joke. You see, I became a doctor because of the movie Patch Adams."
Hee! House tells the camera crew to go out of the room in front of him so that he'll look better on camera. Then he shuts the door in their face so that he can actually talk with Cuddy.
Cuddy: Do you think I like the cameras? You think I want the whole world watching you check out my ass and question my wardrobe?
House: Would it be better if I checked out your wardrobe and questioned your ass?
The other potential Ducklings are wondering just what's up with CIA girl.
House: Where's Foreman?
Cole: He's in the bathroom.
House: Good. C'mon, let's go for a walk.
In other words, House wants to disappear on Foreman again.
Taub: Why are you glad Foreman's not here?
House: Because he would object to what I'm about to do.
And House leads the potential Ducklings in one of the few areas of the hospital that the cameras aren't allowed, since - you know - magnets tend to make them not work.
Amber isn't going to give up until House tells them exactly why he hired the woman from the CIA.
"She has way more diagnostic experience than the other swimsuit models I was considering."
The woman from the CIA wants to know, for sure, that House is really offering her a job. She gave up a serious career to work for him.
House: I think she might be an idiot.
Wilson: Who?
House: She can't be an idiot. She's in the CIA, for god's sake.
Wilson: The Bay of Pigs was a daring triumph.
House is starting to think that CIA isn't that good of a doctor, but he's already hired her. And he's actually feeling guilt.
"Wow. Either that's actual guilt or I have got to see this woman."
Kutner just went open mouth, insert foot. Multiple times.
Kenny's been having headaches for his entire life.
Huh. You know, I'm really liking all of the scenes that Taub and Kutner are having with House. I've liked Kutner since the beginning, but Taub's really growing on me.
"I'm not great at judging men's looks."
Cuddy's ready to strangle House for ditching the camera crew.
Cuddy: House?
[House and Taub look up.]
Cuddy: Do you have a minute to be disemboweled?"
Taub's actually got a really good bedside manner. The kid tells him that he's done drugs, but he can tell that Kenny's lying through his teeth.
And now the kid's suddenly throwing up blood.
"Finally, someone who is not just a pretty face."
Okay, this episode is really making me start to like Taub. How have I not noticed how awesome he is before now?
Oh god, House is so going to kill Wilson when he finds out what he's been telling the camera.
Wilson: Well, it's great how he rebounded from that setback.
Woman: What setback?
Wilson: He didn't tell you about the... well, it's his right. Records were sealed. Personally, I think he was just tapping his foot and reaching for the toilet paper. Obviously, it was a witch hunt.
Woman: You think they singled him out because...
Wilson: No, literally, a witch hunt. Dr. House is a practicing Wiccan. It's a beautiful religion, it's very caring.
[House bangs on the door and comes storming in.]
House: Hey, hey, hey, hey! You have an all access pass to the case, not my fave five.
And now House is ranting to Wilson about CIA being an idiot.
"It's the story of life: boy meets girl, boy gets stupid, boy and girl live stupidly ever after."
None of the potential Ducklings want to talk, because they don't want to look stupid in front of the camera.
Cameron's seriously getting tongue-tied in front of the camera.
Taub thinks that he's right and House's wrong, so he's going to try to go around House in order to get Kenny into surgery. He thinks that will solve all of the problems.
Cuddy: What you did was over the line. Get out.
[Taub starts to leave.]
Cuddy: But don't go anywhere. You're not fired. Yet.
Cuddy tells House to give the kid a CT scan to prove that Taub's wrong so that the dad will agree to giving Kenny steroids.
"Just a warning, if we have to start getting consent every time we do a procedure soon they'll start asking for informed consent."
Foreman: I didn't think you had the guts to stage a coup.
Taub: Coup failed. I'm scheduled for execution at dawn.
Foreman: No you're not.
Taub: No reprieve from the governor.
Hee! House went to where Taub used to work in order to find out why he left.
And House went to talk to Taub's wife too.
Taub had an affair with one of his nurses, and he resigned when his partners found out. But he never told his wife.
Taub: There, happy?
House: If you could be a bit more descriptive I'd be happier.
Taub: Some people pop pain pills. I cheat. We all have our vices.
"Taub, I don't see it. Stay away from the family. House, start steroids and stay away from his family."
House is his usual bastard self, but Kenny pretty much throws it back in his face. I like this kid.
Kenny: I want to be normal.
House: Take your steroids, and you get to live. Then you can do your surgery. But it will only change your face. It won't change who your face made you.
Hee! House got the keys to one of the supply closets from the janitor and has got his hands on all of the camera equipment in there.
Wilson: Where'd you get those keys?
House: Blue the janitor.
Wilson: What?
House: That's his name.
Wilson: His name's Lou.
House: I owe him an apology.
[The door opens.]
House: Just watch twenty minutes of this stuff, tell me if I'm out of my mind.
Wilson: Finally, we have video evidence.
Boys will be boys. :-P
House: What am I going to do?
Wilson: [laughs] Just enjoy.
House: I'm going to keep her around because she makes me an idiot?
Wilson: Well, you're protected. Foreman seems immune.
House: Do you think he's gay?
Wilson: Did he become an idiot around Chase?
I'm adoring all of the interaction between House and Wilson in this episode.
Hee! Cameron's practicing how to qualify her "I love Dr. House" statement from earlier, and Chase is just sitting there watching her - looking amused and unamused at the same time.
Taub isn't going to give up. He's certain that he's right.
Dad: What's wrong?
House: My diagnosis.
"You're not normal, so you don't want anybody else to be normal. You don't think normal's healthy."
And all of the other potential Ducklings go quiet for a second.
They're going to do a test to find out if House was right or wrong.
"Kutner, have the paddles on standby. Another chance to blow someone up."
They pull out the wire, and the kid doesn't go into cardiac arrest. He's fine, or - at least - he appears fine for the moment.
They're getting ready for surgery again. Thirteen's there, because she thinks that House was right. And she notices something that everyone else missed.
Wilson: You've got a problem.
House: Tell me something I don't know.
Wilson: You hire beautiful girls, enslave them, force them to be around you because you don't know how to have an actual relationship. If they're qualified, keep them. If not, fire them and ask them out.
House: You do realize that "tell me something I don't know" is just an expression?
Thirteen comes hurrying into House's office to tell him that the kid has Lyme disease.
"The target rash is hiding. No one ever looked at him closely enough."
The rash was near his scalp, where there was already discoloration. No one noticed it, because it blended in with the marks that were already there.
"She's getting uglier by the second."
House: So you gave up your chosen career just so they'd be quiet.
Taub: I love my wife.
House: You risked this job with nothing to fall back on?
Taub: I thought you were wrong.
And, because of that, House isn't firing him.
"I'm keeping him because he's interesting."
House just fired CIA.
Hee! The camera crew made House actually look like a human being. He's absolutely horrified.
Cuddy: [wipes away fake tear] It's difficult not to be moved.
House: Oh, stop it. Suddenly I don't feel like I can trust Michael Moore movies.
House storms out, and the episode ends with Cuddy finishing the video. It ends with a post-surgery Kenny, thanking House for everything he did.
"Thank you, Dr. House. Thank you."
And Cuddy smiles.
Better late than never, right? Now I've just got to catch up on all of my other shows...