Well that was dramatic.
I just woke up from a rather disturbing dream.
And I feel like I need to write it down because otherwise I'll forget it and it was rather serious.
WARNING: Topic below include my family issues, religion, freedom of speech, and mermaids.
I've had dreams before where conversations involving God or Jesus have occurred around the twins - Mira and Aaron. I think before it was a situation where someone who babysat them talked to them about Jesus being their savior or something and when they came home they were stating it like fact, the way they do now with evolution. Knowing that their parents would be upset, I explained to them that not everyone believes exactly that, but that some people do and this is what it means, etc. I remember the Twins' reactions from those dreams, but not my Father or Carol's.
This time... I don't remember how the dream got there, but it ended up with a mermaid being found by someone. I think it was dead, but they carried it into town to show to people. It had sort of wing-like fins that looked like angel wings when they were open, and for whatever reason some one around us made a very off-hand comment about how some people would worship the thing as a god, and someone else was like "Haha, God is dead!".
Anyway... scary part starts then. Mira looks up at me, eyes a little worried, and says "God is dead?". So I respond the best way that I can: "They didn't mean it that way... I can try explain to you later if you want." (She was swimming, so it wasn't an appropriate time for spiritual discourse.)
At which point, my father basically said "No, you can't, because there is no god, it was a joke." or something of the like. Probably better phrased. I don't remember the exact progression of the conversation from there... like most real situations with the twins, I ended up talking with my father the whole time instead of the little ones. I remember that I hesitated for a while, but I actually decided to confront my father and explain myself.
I explained that I wasn't planning to lecture them on Christianity, just that some people believe that there are gods, or a God, or even just spirits around them, and that people life their lives differently in relation to those beliefs. I probably would have explained the 'God is dead' thing too, as best I could.
As things often do when I confront my father in real life, this did not go as planned. He basically heard nothing I said. Or didn't believe it. Or maybe the implication was that believing in any kind of supernatural power at all was completely unacceptable for his children.... later on that's what I felt he meant.
They ended up trying to settle with me monetarily. Like paying me for my time or the use of my computer or whatever would somehow make it acceptable for them to tell me I was flatly not allowed to talk to the twins about my beliefs or religion of any kind. Like my freedoms of speech and religion and those of their children were clearly not at stake and I was only upset about the lack of payment for my time. I think I threw something at them. I railed at him about how I spent a huge part of my life trying to figure out who I am and what I believe and looking for his approval, and that I and the twins both deserve the right to consider those choices and feel supported in them. I probably wasn't that eloquent.
At which point, I think what Carol said was "But what we're talking about is the entire value of her life." Which doesn't make sense in the real world, but the implication was: If she is exposed to or chooses to believe in these things, then she will be wrong and anything she does with her life will be meaningless. Implying, of course, that all 25 years of my life was meaningless already.
There was a little more argument, I went in to say goodbye to the twins... but I woke up before very much happened. I think too much of my conscious was involved in arguing... or something.
Anyway... just explaining it to Jess made me break down crying. Typing it out also did that again. The scariest part? It feels like it could happen. Too much of it re-tells very much like real life. From what I've heard from them recently, I've gotten the impression they really are pretty strongly atheistic. As a lapsed agnostic with leanings toward small-deity Paganism and/or monotheistic Buddhism... is pretty scary to think about from half your parental units. Maybe that's just me.
And I feel like I need to write it down because otherwise I'll forget it and it was rather serious.
WARNING: Topic below include my family issues, religion, freedom of speech, and mermaids.
I've had dreams before where conversations involving God or Jesus have occurred around the twins - Mira and Aaron. I think before it was a situation where someone who babysat them talked to them about Jesus being their savior or something and when they came home they were stating it like fact, the way they do now with evolution. Knowing that their parents would be upset, I explained to them that not everyone believes exactly that, but that some people do and this is what it means, etc. I remember the Twins' reactions from those dreams, but not my Father or Carol's.
This time... I don't remember how the dream got there, but it ended up with a mermaid being found by someone. I think it was dead, but they carried it into town to show to people. It had sort of wing-like fins that looked like angel wings when they were open, and for whatever reason some one around us made a very off-hand comment about how some people would worship the thing as a god, and someone else was like "Haha, God is dead!".
Anyway... scary part starts then. Mira looks up at me, eyes a little worried, and says "God is dead?". So I respond the best way that I can: "They didn't mean it that way... I can try explain to you later if you want." (She was swimming, so it wasn't an appropriate time for spiritual discourse.)
At which point, my father basically said "No, you can't, because there is no god, it was a joke." or something of the like. Probably better phrased. I don't remember the exact progression of the conversation from there... like most real situations with the twins, I ended up talking with my father the whole time instead of the little ones. I remember that I hesitated for a while, but I actually decided to confront my father and explain myself.
I explained that I wasn't planning to lecture them on Christianity, just that some people believe that there are gods, or a God, or even just spirits around them, and that people life their lives differently in relation to those beliefs. I probably would have explained the 'God is dead' thing too, as best I could.
As things often do when I confront my father in real life, this did not go as planned. He basically heard nothing I said. Or didn't believe it. Or maybe the implication was that believing in any kind of supernatural power at all was completely unacceptable for his children.... later on that's what I felt he meant.
They ended up trying to settle with me monetarily. Like paying me for my time or the use of my computer or whatever would somehow make it acceptable for them to tell me I was flatly not allowed to talk to the twins about my beliefs or religion of any kind. Like my freedoms of speech and religion and those of their children were clearly not at stake and I was only upset about the lack of payment for my time. I think I threw something at them. I railed at him about how I spent a huge part of my life trying to figure out who I am and what I believe and looking for his approval, and that I and the twins both deserve the right to consider those choices and feel supported in them. I probably wasn't that eloquent.
At which point, I think what Carol said was "But what we're talking about is the entire value of her life." Which doesn't make sense in the real world, but the implication was: If she is exposed to or chooses to believe in these things, then she will be wrong and anything she does with her life will be meaningless. Implying, of course, that all 25 years of my life was meaningless already.
There was a little more argument, I went in to say goodbye to the twins... but I woke up before very much happened. I think too much of my conscious was involved in arguing... or something.
Anyway... just explaining it to Jess made me break down crying. Typing it out also did that again. The scariest part? It feels like it could happen. Too much of it re-tells very much like real life. From what I've heard from them recently, I've gotten the impression they really are pretty strongly atheistic. As a lapsed agnostic with leanings toward small-deity Paganism and/or monotheistic Buddhism... is pretty scary to think about from half your parental units. Maybe that's just me.