Always trying to make deals with robots and failing...
(Sorry, to those who aren't completely familiar with the story yet, my character's name is Nathaniel at first, but that's because he had his name changed, it just isn't said at this point. I am also only using my name because I suck at coming up with character's names, so when she uses, "Seth" and it starts with Nathaniel, that is why)
“I had a dream about her again last night Arne. They're always of us reliving some old memory and they always start out great, but I can't take going through the end anymore.” I said out loud without opening my eyes as I lay in bed. Feeling the emptiness of not having her around again. It was always hard to not cry even after all this time. I also knew Arne was there, he had nothing else to do until I woke up. Arne was a robot I bought to replace my lack of human interaction since people who got close to me still died.
“I'm sorry to hear that, Nathaniel. Need a hug?” Arne asked, I know it was meant to be genuine, but him being a cyborg didn't inspire anything of the sort.
I ended up laughing, Arne was good to talk to when I just wanted to say things and not have to explain myself, but him being a machine, it didn't quite seem as good as it probably should have. “Thanks Arn, but...” I sighed and couldn't finish the sentence, since I didn't even know what I wanted to say.
“Would you care to talk about your dreams? I won't be of much help, but I believe they'll help you in the end Nathaniel to talk about what's on your mind.”
“Arne, for the last time, just call me Nate, if you want. If you will do that, I'll talk about my dreams.” I was always trying to make deals with robots for some reason, thinking that they'll listen to their own mind and what they wanted, not do what they're programmed to. As always, it was useless.
“Nathaniel, you know you can order me to do whatever you want. Simply requesting it like that when it's so vague, I will go with my defaults and continue to call you Nathaniel.”
I shut my eyes tighter and was silent for a moment. “Well, good night again Nathaniel.” I heard from Arne and he was quiet again. Sleeping was useless, it's all I really did these days so I just lay in silence for a bit longer. I needed to talk to someone, anyone about these dreams, they were really starting to eat me alive. Especially these ones about Jessica. They were the best and worst ones to have because I got to hear her voice again, got to feel her skin. In the dreams I'm capable of kissing and holding her again, life always felt wonderful and full when she was with me and in my arms.
“Okay Arne, I'll bite.” I said breaking the silence. I sat up and looked at him and waited for him to come back on line.
“Welcome back to the world of the living.” Arne had replied with his mechanical chuckle, “So, you're willing to talk about the dreams today? Would you like for me to record all this for future records?”
“Sure Arne, do whatev... I mean yes, record them.” One would think that I'd learn that I can't just say things like that otherwise he would just go with his programmed defaults.
“Okay Nathaniel, recording now.” and I could tell he was recording, a little red dot turned on in the middle of his head. I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. “So Arne, I thought only married Indian women had red dots in the middle of their forehead” I said as I laughed at the stupidity of my own joke. Just a blank stare came from him though, I forgot he doesn't laugh at my jokes either. I wonder if that's just something you can't program into robots, humor.
He still stared at me blankly with his buggy eyes and mechanical smile then replied, “Oh. You told a joke, how nice” then his mechanical smile became bigger. “Well Nathaniel, I'm ready whenever you are.” I finished laughing with a slight blush and luckily Arne couldn't pick up on my embarrassment either, but why should I be embarrassed? He was only a robot.
“Well, they always start out with me, 'waking up' with her in my arms and I know it's a dream, Jess has been dead for for a while now. They're just so vivid and realistic. I do as I do every morning with you Arne and I just wake-up, I don't open my eyes. I always have a smile come across my face as well because I loved the way she smelled, it was my favorite way to wake up, you know?” and another blank stare as he looked at me. “Well anyway, don't say anything, this is more for me anyway” and he just nodded.
“Again, I smile as I breathe in the scent of her hair and I have to open my eyes and see if it really is her that I feel in my arms and it is; it feels so real and I feel complete again. I always pull her closer to me at this point and as always, it wakes her up. She then turns around and doesn't have her eyes open either and she just smiles and says, 'Hi' but I can't help but smile and say hi back but she giggles each time. I never understood it, but she says it's because I always say it with the same inflection and I seem genuine and happy that she's around.
“Whatever, but I kiss her and she kisses back and my head is always swimming at this point. I can't believe it, I know my brain is playing another trick on me, but I refuse to let reality take over. I want to keep believing that this is real, but it isn't.
“I'm then taken over with the grief that we only have a day before it all goes horrible again, that no matter how we start out, no matter what we do, we always end up back to where she's taken away from me for good.
“So, I'm freaking out a little and she opens her eyes in worry and looks at me, 'What's wrong sweetie?' she asks each time and I go through the same routine. “Jess, I know you won't believe me, but I think we should stay in bed because if we leave, something bad will happen. You'll die and I'll wake up again and want to die myself. That without you, I really am nothing!'
“She always laughs at me and tells, 'You've always had one hell of an imagination. I assure you though, you were only having a nightmare and that I won't die.' and I hold onto her tight each time and tell her, with the knowledge that she'll best me somehow, 'We aren't going anywhere today!' and I wrap my arms and leg around her and she giggles and squirms, 'Let go Seth!' and that takes me by surprise each time as well. I am always reminded of how sweet my name can sound when coming from her mouth. How her voice really was the best I've ever heard.
“'No! I am not imagining this, this will only end badly and I don't like it.' this is where she always gets the best of me. This time it was a kiss and it was a deep one, one where I melted and my hold on her disappeared and my limbs just hung limply over her and around her body. With a speed that I didn't expect, she was off at a full run and laughing wildly as she headed for the bathroom.”
“Damn it Arne! I should remember the bathroom each time, it's the one place in the house where she can run and I can't get in because she had a lock installed.”
Arne startled me with his question, “Why is there a lock on the bathroom door and why is it the only place you can't get in?” and I couldn't resist telling him this, but my face turned red again.
“Well Arne, she doesn't let me shower with her anymore because... well, because I always turn it into sex and without fail, we're late for what we are supposed to do. She almost got fired because of it and told me that sex was for times when we weren't in a rush for anything. That there were times where a nice sex shower had its merits, but most of the time, she wanted it in other rooms of the house.”
I sighed and sobbed silently, “Arne, I really can not stress how much I miss her” I said as my sobs grew more and more out of control, “and it's useless to try and get it across to you.”
His impassive face made me feel even more alone because he was incapable of showing concern, or that he knew how bad I felt. He was quiet until I finished though, I knew the crying would take over, it always did. There just was no way of getting over that feeling of emptiness when she's gone again, nothing can bring her back and I have yet to get over that.
“You know Arne, I think I may need that hug,” I said as I got up and went for him. He spread his mechanical arms and wore his fake grin, but it brought some comfort because I could at least hug something that tried to hug me back. I wish he could have reacted to how hard I was squeezing, to have hugged me more.
He did pat my back and used his usual, generic, comment to calm me down. “You'll be ok Nathaniel, it all works out in the end” and I scoffed because it has done nothing but work out for the worst.
I calmed my breathing because it had gotten so ragged that I couldn't talk anymore and he still sat there watching. “Arne, I love you” and he replied with, “I love you too Nathaniel” but that's where it ended.
“Are you done talking for now?” he asked still just watching me.
“Yeah, I'm done for now, I don't know if I can go further since the happy parts have made me cry this much. Thank you though” I tried smiling and if Arne knew anything remotely human, he knew that my trying wouldn't have made a difference anyway.
“I had a dream about her again last night Arne. They're always of us reliving some old memory and they always start out great, but I can't take going through the end anymore.” I said out loud without opening my eyes as I lay in bed. Feeling the emptiness of not having her around again. It was always hard to not cry even after all this time. I also knew Arne was there, he had nothing else to do until I woke up. Arne was a robot I bought to replace my lack of human interaction since people who got close to me still died.
“I'm sorry to hear that, Nathaniel. Need a hug?” Arne asked, I know it was meant to be genuine, but him being a cyborg didn't inspire anything of the sort.
I ended up laughing, Arne was good to talk to when I just wanted to say things and not have to explain myself, but him being a machine, it didn't quite seem as good as it probably should have. “Thanks Arn, but...” I sighed and couldn't finish the sentence, since I didn't even know what I wanted to say.
“Would you care to talk about your dreams? I won't be of much help, but I believe they'll help you in the end Nathaniel to talk about what's on your mind.”
“Arne, for the last time, just call me Nate, if you want. If you will do that, I'll talk about my dreams.” I was always trying to make deals with robots for some reason, thinking that they'll listen to their own mind and what they wanted, not do what they're programmed to. As always, it was useless.
“Nathaniel, you know you can order me to do whatever you want. Simply requesting it like that when it's so vague, I will go with my defaults and continue to call you Nathaniel.”
I shut my eyes tighter and was silent for a moment. “Well, good night again Nathaniel.” I heard from Arne and he was quiet again. Sleeping was useless, it's all I really did these days so I just lay in silence for a bit longer. I needed to talk to someone, anyone about these dreams, they were really starting to eat me alive. Especially these ones about Jessica. They were the best and worst ones to have because I got to hear her voice again, got to feel her skin. In the dreams I'm capable of kissing and holding her again, life always felt wonderful and full when she was with me and in my arms.
“Okay Arne, I'll bite.” I said breaking the silence. I sat up and looked at him and waited for him to come back on line.
“Welcome back to the world of the living.” Arne had replied with his mechanical chuckle, “So, you're willing to talk about the dreams today? Would you like for me to record all this for future records?”
“Sure Arne, do whatev... I mean yes, record them.” One would think that I'd learn that I can't just say things like that otherwise he would just go with his programmed defaults.
“Okay Nathaniel, recording now.” and I could tell he was recording, a little red dot turned on in the middle of his head. I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. “So Arne, I thought only married Indian women had red dots in the middle of their forehead” I said as I laughed at the stupidity of my own joke. Just a blank stare came from him though, I forgot he doesn't laugh at my jokes either. I wonder if that's just something you can't program into robots, humor.
He still stared at me blankly with his buggy eyes and mechanical smile then replied, “Oh. You told a joke, how nice” then his mechanical smile became bigger. “Well Nathaniel, I'm ready whenever you are.” I finished laughing with a slight blush and luckily Arne couldn't pick up on my embarrassment either, but why should I be embarrassed? He was only a robot.
“Well, they always start out with me, 'waking up' with her in my arms and I know it's a dream, Jess has been dead for for a while now. They're just so vivid and realistic. I do as I do every morning with you Arne and I just wake-up, I don't open my eyes. I always have a smile come across my face as well because I loved the way she smelled, it was my favorite way to wake up, you know?” and another blank stare as he looked at me. “Well anyway, don't say anything, this is more for me anyway” and he just nodded.
“Again, I smile as I breathe in the scent of her hair and I have to open my eyes and see if it really is her that I feel in my arms and it is; it feels so real and I feel complete again. I always pull her closer to me at this point and as always, it wakes her up. She then turns around and doesn't have her eyes open either and she just smiles and says, 'Hi' but I can't help but smile and say hi back but she giggles each time. I never understood it, but she says it's because I always say it with the same inflection and I seem genuine and happy that she's around.
“Whatever, but I kiss her and she kisses back and my head is always swimming at this point. I can't believe it, I know my brain is playing another trick on me, but I refuse to let reality take over. I want to keep believing that this is real, but it isn't.
“I'm then taken over with the grief that we only have a day before it all goes horrible again, that no matter how we start out, no matter what we do, we always end up back to where she's taken away from me for good.
“So, I'm freaking out a little and she opens her eyes in worry and looks at me, 'What's wrong sweetie?' she asks each time and I go through the same routine. “Jess, I know you won't believe me, but I think we should stay in bed because if we leave, something bad will happen. You'll die and I'll wake up again and want to die myself. That without you, I really am nothing!'
“She always laughs at me and tells, 'You've always had one hell of an imagination. I assure you though, you were only having a nightmare and that I won't die.' and I hold onto her tight each time and tell her, with the knowledge that she'll best me somehow, 'We aren't going anywhere today!' and I wrap my arms and leg around her and she giggles and squirms, 'Let go Seth!' and that takes me by surprise each time as well. I am always reminded of how sweet my name can sound when coming from her mouth. How her voice really was the best I've ever heard.
“'No! I am not imagining this, this will only end badly and I don't like it.' this is where she always gets the best of me. This time it was a kiss and it was a deep one, one where I melted and my hold on her disappeared and my limbs just hung limply over her and around her body. With a speed that I didn't expect, she was off at a full run and laughing wildly as she headed for the bathroom.”
“Damn it Arne! I should remember the bathroom each time, it's the one place in the house where she can run and I can't get in because she had a lock installed.”
Arne startled me with his question, “Why is there a lock on the bathroom door and why is it the only place you can't get in?” and I couldn't resist telling him this, but my face turned red again.
“Well Arne, she doesn't let me shower with her anymore because... well, because I always turn it into sex and without fail, we're late for what we are supposed to do. She almost got fired because of it and told me that sex was for times when we weren't in a rush for anything. That there were times where a nice sex shower had its merits, but most of the time, she wanted it in other rooms of the house.”
I sighed and sobbed silently, “Arne, I really can not stress how much I miss her” I said as my sobs grew more and more out of control, “and it's useless to try and get it across to you.”
His impassive face made me feel even more alone because he was incapable of showing concern, or that he knew how bad I felt. He was quiet until I finished though, I knew the crying would take over, it always did. There just was no way of getting over that feeling of emptiness when she's gone again, nothing can bring her back and I have yet to get over that.
“You know Arne, I think I may need that hug,” I said as I got up and went for him. He spread his mechanical arms and wore his fake grin, but it brought some comfort because I could at least hug something that tried to hug me back. I wish he could have reacted to how hard I was squeezing, to have hugged me more.
He did pat my back and used his usual, generic, comment to calm me down. “You'll be ok Nathaniel, it all works out in the end” and I scoffed because it has done nothing but work out for the worst.
I calmed my breathing because it had gotten so ragged that I couldn't talk anymore and he still sat there watching. “Arne, I love you” and he replied with, “I love you too Nathaniel” but that's where it ended.
“Are you done talking for now?” he asked still just watching me.
“Yeah, I'm done for now, I don't know if I can go further since the happy parts have made me cry this much. Thank you though” I tried smiling and if Arne knew anything remotely human, he knew that my trying wouldn't have made a difference anyway.