(no subject)
Resolutions, resolutions, where are mine?
In all honesty, I've been trying to observe myself in this past month, see what I do when my time is free, see what I really like about my life, see what makes me sigh and wish things were different.
To begin though, a follow-up note to my last post:
I changed several months ago. What I didn't realize, when I laid down my desire to fight, to chase and to be a chameleon, is that this changes the pattern I had with relationships. It is overall a good thing.
It did however mean that my most recent relationship needed to end. The day I last posted publicly, I referenced choices that my boyfriend had to make. He did chose to do right by me that day, and we had a wonderful Christmas and a fine New Year's together. Ultimately, though, like with my always charming ex-fiance, love was not enough to make a relationship work.
I am not sure if it is because I did go through a similar situation with my ex-fiance, or because like with my Texas ex, I did so much grieving before the official end, but either way, I find myself more resolute than upset about the way things turned out.
I found myself reading and rereading this post since it's been created. It continues to be one of my open Firefox tabs. I quoted part of it to be my Facebook status the other day. For how I am feeling today, what I take from it is simply, "If you know, you know."
The other big thing I've been dealing with lately is the progress on my short sale, or lack there of. So much of my life these days, I am putting on hold. Because I'll be spending a huge chunk of money on closing. Because I'll be moving soon. Because I'll be living in a different county. So I am not taking classes, buying the new wallet I need*, buying more books, buying exercise equipment, and when I go out to eat these days, more often than not, I'm finding the cheapest thing on the menu that appeals to me and if I can tolerate it, just ordering water to drink. I love that I have So Much More in the bank this month than I normally do but I really hate restricting myself.
There has always seemed like there was part of my life that would appear whenever I lived on my own. I have always felt like I'd make better food choices, I'd make better exercise choices, I'd go out more. There are fears as well, that I'll oversleep more with no one around to realize how late it was and I wasn't up yet, that I won't be able to manage my finances, that I will lose all my time reading books. Mostly though I am curious to see what happens and have been driving myself crazy while waiting to hear if the bank is going to approve the short sale or not.
So, dear universe, dear friendslist, dear random people reading this, dear Hestia, can we all just make a collective wish that the bank approves my short sale, that my closing on said short sale is as quick and easy as those things can possibly get and that I ultimately prove to myself that I can successfully live on my own? Please and thank you.
So. Resolutions:
1. Take care of me. As I've said elsewhere, I aim to treat my body self like it is a treasured book borrowed from a beloved friend.
-- Get a reasonable amount of sleep every night. Bedtime non-work nights: midnight. Bedtime work nights: 11 pm. Challenge: getting home at 9:30/10 Tue/Wed nights and needing to be in bed in 60-90 minutes. Answer: put on fleece pj pants immediately, get the sleepytime mix playing on iTunes.
-- Get a pedicure and a massage every month. Because you both need and deserve it.
-- Take every opportunity to exercise. You prefer yourself healthy, with as little sugar as possible.
-- Talk to myself only as I would a good friend. Affirmatively, truthfully, and respectfully.
2. Continue moving forward towards who I am: Dreamer Diva Athlete Yogi Entrepreneur/Real Estate Goddess (note to the randoms: sorry, locked entry)
3. Read and read and read. Because over the last year and change, my stack of things to read has grown so large that I've actually divided it into fiction/nonfiction/periodicals. I can't say that I will read X many books this year because there are a slew of them that I need to read and have read Right Now. Books about massage, about goddesses, about marketing, about self-help. So my goal is simply to read and keep reading whenever I can. By my birthday, home of my other biannual resolutions, I'd like to have finished all of the Right Now books I need to read.
4. Finish blankets for Mikayla, Madeleine, Mia and Mikey. And mini #5 who is due in October via my sister.
5. Spend at least 5 hours/week outside of my work, devoted to my career, either studying A&P/modalities, building a website or writing a massage-related blog.
6. Spend more time in sacred space. Be the priestess.
7. Take good care of Sue Ellen. She needs to last another few years, especially if the short sale goes through. Stay on top of the maintenance she needs!
There could be more, there may be more. For the nonce, I can tell you that if I just keep the first one, I'll be happy. Everything else is just icing.
* Because I keep misplacing both the places I keep my cash and my wee ID case. I want something more substantial to keep both my IDs and my cash and be harder to lose.
In all honesty, I've been trying to observe myself in this past month, see what I do when my time is free, see what I really like about my life, see what makes me sigh and wish things were different.
To begin though, a follow-up note to my last post:
I changed several months ago. What I didn't realize, when I laid down my desire to fight, to chase and to be a chameleon, is that this changes the pattern I had with relationships. It is overall a good thing.
It did however mean that my most recent relationship needed to end. The day I last posted publicly, I referenced choices that my boyfriend had to make. He did chose to do right by me that day, and we had a wonderful Christmas and a fine New Year's together. Ultimately, though, like with my always charming ex-fiance, love was not enough to make a relationship work.
I am not sure if it is because I did go through a similar situation with my ex-fiance, or because like with my Texas ex, I did so much grieving before the official end, but either way, I find myself more resolute than upset about the way things turned out.
I found myself reading and rereading this post since it's been created. It continues to be one of my open Firefox tabs. I quoted part of it to be my Facebook status the other day. For how I am feeling today, what I take from it is simply, "If you know, you know."
The other big thing I've been dealing with lately is the progress on my short sale, or lack there of. So much of my life these days, I am putting on hold. Because I'll be spending a huge chunk of money on closing. Because I'll be moving soon. Because I'll be living in a different county. So I am not taking classes, buying the new wallet I need*, buying more books, buying exercise equipment, and when I go out to eat these days, more often than not, I'm finding the cheapest thing on the menu that appeals to me and if I can tolerate it, just ordering water to drink. I love that I have So Much More in the bank this month than I normally do but I really hate restricting myself.
There has always seemed like there was part of my life that would appear whenever I lived on my own. I have always felt like I'd make better food choices, I'd make better exercise choices, I'd go out more. There are fears as well, that I'll oversleep more with no one around to realize how late it was and I wasn't up yet, that I won't be able to manage my finances, that I will lose all my time reading books. Mostly though I am curious to see what happens and have been driving myself crazy while waiting to hear if the bank is going to approve the short sale or not.
So, dear universe, dear friendslist, dear random people reading this, dear Hestia, can we all just make a collective wish that the bank approves my short sale, that my closing on said short sale is as quick and easy as those things can possibly get and that I ultimately prove to myself that I can successfully live on my own? Please and thank you.
So. Resolutions:
1. Take care of me. As I've said elsewhere, I aim to treat my body self like it is a treasured book borrowed from a beloved friend.
-- Get a reasonable amount of sleep every night. Bedtime non-work nights: midnight. Bedtime work nights: 11 pm. Challenge: getting home at 9:30/10 Tue/Wed nights and needing to be in bed in 60-90 minutes. Answer: put on fleece pj pants immediately, get the sleepytime mix playing on iTunes.
-- Get a pedicure and a massage every month. Because you both need and deserve it.
-- Take every opportunity to exercise. You prefer yourself healthy, with as little sugar as possible.
-- Talk to myself only as I would a good friend. Affirmatively, truthfully, and respectfully.
2. Continue moving forward towards who I am: Dreamer Diva Athlete Yogi Entrepreneur/Real Estate Goddess (note to the randoms: sorry, locked entry)
3. Read and read and read. Because over the last year and change, my stack of things to read has grown so large that I've actually divided it into fiction/nonfiction/periodicals. I can't say that I will read X many books this year because there are a slew of them that I need to read and have read Right Now. Books about massage, about goddesses, about marketing, about self-help. So my goal is simply to read and keep reading whenever I can. By my birthday, home of my other biannual resolutions, I'd like to have finished all of the Right Now books I need to read.
4. Finish blankets for Mikayla, Madeleine, Mia and Mikey. And mini #5 who is due in October via my sister.
5. Spend at least 5 hours/week outside of my work, devoted to my career, either studying A&P/modalities, building a website or writing a massage-related blog.
6. Spend more time in sacred space. Be the priestess.
7. Take good care of Sue Ellen. She needs to last another few years, especially if the short sale goes through. Stay on top of the maintenance she needs!
There could be more, there may be more. For the nonce, I can tell you that if I just keep the first one, I'll be happy. Everything else is just icing.
* Because I keep misplacing both the places I keep my cash and my wee ID case. I want something more substantial to keep both my IDs and my cash and be harder to lose.