When? (H/D, PG)
Title: When?
Author: sesheta_66
Rating: PG (though the original is Adult)
Word Count: 700
Challenges: dracoharry100's prompt #51 - "Window" and my GJ 100_prompts table 037 - "When?"
Summary: Harry's looking for closure, but it escapes him. This is a continuation of The Rain Will Fall and As Darkness Fell, but it can be read on its own.
Warning: Angst
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not mine. They belong to JK Rowling and her publishers. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.
To start at part 1, click The Rain Will Fall
Harry stares out of the window at Grimmauld Place. Every day he stares, looking for ... what exactly, he doesn't know any more.
At first, he'd imagined watching Draco walk down the path, out of his life. Of course, the scene hadn't quite played out that way. In fact, after Draco had left their room on that fateful day, Harry had remained there, clutching the letter that Draco had left behind. But Harry's mind had been set on torturing him.
He'd sat there, watching, reliving the imaginary scene in his mind. His mind had been cruel. Then it got worse.
***
After a few days had passed, Harry began to watch for something else. He watched for Draco's return.
Every day he sat at the window, watching for Draco to come walking up the path, to return to Harry, to tell him that he had made a terrible mistake, to tell him that he loved him.
He had never actually said those words to Harry. Neither had Harry told Draco how he felt. Like some cruel joke, only as he left had Draco scribbled in the note that he loved Harry, robbing Harry of the chance to tell him the same.
***
Eventually, Harry realized that Draco wasn't coming back, that he had meant what he'd put in the letter. Eventually, Harry got angry.
For weeks he had ached for Draco's return. Then suddenly he longed for it with a fury he hadn't thought possible. He began to stare out the window, awaiting confrontation, preparing himself emotionally for a fight that might never come.
How could Draco have done this to him? How could he have claimed to love Harry, then leave without a backwards glance? How was Harry supposed to move on with his life, when his life had walked away?
***
Then Harry went numb. Throughout the months that followed Draco's departure, Harry had gone about his daily routine, but every time he found himself at Grimmauld Place without something to keep his mind occupied, he returned to the window.
He was drawn to it like a moth to the flame. Knowing that it was dangerous, that it would only cause him pain, Harry returned. Disbelief had been followed by pain, then anger, and now depression.
He felt lost, like a part of him was missing, and there was nothing he could do about it. When would he get past this?
***
Rationally, he knew that the window offered nothing but reflections of his own inner turmoil, yet Harry still returned.
Some days he looked out at the street, remembering all the times he watched Draco approach, excitement filling him, when Draco had lived there. He remembered how he and Draco had walked that path, had gone about their business, had returned home together.
Other times he stared past everything, into a world that was grey and empty.
Still other days, he only saw his own reflection in the panes of glass. A reflection that mirrored his despair, growing deeper every day.
***
As he stares out the window at nothing in particular, he vaguely hears the sound of his Floo in the background.
Months ago, he would have jumped up, hoping beyond hope that it was Draco, even though he knew Draco never Flooed to Grimmauld Place. He used to say that he liked the look of the place, liked to feel it welcoming him home. And Harry liked to watch Draco come home.
They kept the anti-Apparition wards, even after the war, but there was restricted Floo access. Draco just never used it.
Besides, Harry has long since given up hope.
***
Harry watches the reflection of Hermione approach from behind him, worry etched on her face.
"Hi, Harry."
Harry continues to stare out the window. He doesn't reply.
"Harry, are you okay?"
What a phenomenally stupid question, he thinks. Obviously he is not okay.
"Harry?"
Harry makes no attempt to move. What is the point?
He feels the warmth of Hermione's hand as she rests it softly on his shoulder.
"He's not coming back," she whispers.
Only then does he turn around. Looking up at her, Harry nods. The tears, somehow held at bay until now, begin to flow.
"I know."
~ TBC
Author: sesheta_66
Rating: PG (though the original is Adult)
Word Count: 700
Challenges: dracoharry100's prompt #51 - "Window" and my GJ 100_prompts table 037 - "When?"
Summary: Harry's looking for closure, but it escapes him. This is a continuation of The Rain Will Fall and As Darkness Fell, but it can be read on its own.
Warning: Angst
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not mine. They belong to JK Rowling and her publishers. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.
To start at part 1, click The Rain Will Fall
Harry stares out of the window at Grimmauld Place. Every day he stares, looking for ... what exactly, he doesn't know any more.
At first, he'd imagined watching Draco walk down the path, out of his life. Of course, the scene hadn't quite played out that way. In fact, after Draco had left their room on that fateful day, Harry had remained there, clutching the letter that Draco had left behind. But Harry's mind had been set on torturing him.
He'd sat there, watching, reliving the imaginary scene in his mind. His mind had been cruel. Then it got worse.
***
After a few days had passed, Harry began to watch for something else. He watched for Draco's return.
Every day he sat at the window, watching for Draco to come walking up the path, to return to Harry, to tell him that he had made a terrible mistake, to tell him that he loved him.
He had never actually said those words to Harry. Neither had Harry told Draco how he felt. Like some cruel joke, only as he left had Draco scribbled in the note that he loved Harry, robbing Harry of the chance to tell him the same.
***
Eventually, Harry realized that Draco wasn't coming back, that he had meant what he'd put in the letter. Eventually, Harry got angry.
For weeks he had ached for Draco's return. Then suddenly he longed for it with a fury he hadn't thought possible. He began to stare out the window, awaiting confrontation, preparing himself emotionally for a fight that might never come.
How could Draco have done this to him? How could he have claimed to love Harry, then leave without a backwards glance? How was Harry supposed to move on with his life, when his life had walked away?
***
Then Harry went numb. Throughout the months that followed Draco's departure, Harry had gone about his daily routine, but every time he found himself at Grimmauld Place without something to keep his mind occupied, he returned to the window.
He was drawn to it like a moth to the flame. Knowing that it was dangerous, that it would only cause him pain, Harry returned. Disbelief had been followed by pain, then anger, and now depression.
He felt lost, like a part of him was missing, and there was nothing he could do about it. When would he get past this?
***
Rationally, he knew that the window offered nothing but reflections of his own inner turmoil, yet Harry still returned.
Some days he looked out at the street, remembering all the times he watched Draco approach, excitement filling him, when Draco had lived there. He remembered how he and Draco had walked that path, had gone about their business, had returned home together.
Other times he stared past everything, into a world that was grey and empty.
Still other days, he only saw his own reflection in the panes of glass. A reflection that mirrored his despair, growing deeper every day.
***
As he stares out the window at nothing in particular, he vaguely hears the sound of his Floo in the background.
Months ago, he would have jumped up, hoping beyond hope that it was Draco, even though he knew Draco never Flooed to Grimmauld Place. He used to say that he liked the look of the place, liked to feel it welcoming him home. And Harry liked to watch Draco come home.
They kept the anti-Apparition wards, even after the war, but there was restricted Floo access. Draco just never used it.
Besides, Harry has long since given up hope.
***
Harry watches the reflection of Hermione approach from behind him, worry etched on her face.
"Hi, Harry."
Harry continues to stare out the window. He doesn't reply.
"Harry, are you okay?"
What a phenomenally stupid question, he thinks. Obviously he is not okay.
"Harry?"
Harry makes no attempt to move. What is the point?
He feels the warmth of Hermione's hand as she rests it softly on his shoulder.
"He's not coming back," she whispers.
Only then does he turn around. Looking up at her, Harry nods. The tears, somehow held at bay until now, begin to flow.
"I know."
~ TBC