Tales from the Book, Part CLXXXIX
The weather has not gotten appreciably better, here. There's either rain or freezing rain outside, I don't particularly want to look.
I made chicken masala for dinner tonight. Delish. I swear, I could be happy just sitting and breathing in the smell of garam masala all day.
Right way to schedule a return:
Agent: May I have your phone number with the area code first, please?
Caller: 123-456-7890.
Agent: May I have your first and last name, please?
Caller: Joe Smith.
Agent: Thank you. Are we picking up from a business or a residence?
Caller: A residence.
Agent: Okay, I'll need your street address and your postal code, please.
Caller: 1234 Blank Street, A1A0A0.
Agent: Thank you. Is your shipment ready to be picked up?
Caller: Yes.
Agent: Do you have either a computer-generated shipping label or a preprinted waybill?
Caller: Yes, I've got a label.
Agent: Should the driver come to your front door?
Caller: Yes. *gives location*
Agent: Will this be staying within Canada?
Caller: Yes it will.
Agent: Does any item in your pickup weigh over 70 pounds?
Caller: No.
Agent: On your label, near the big barcode in the centre, it'll give you the level of service. Does it say Standard, Ground, or Saver?
Caller: Standard.
Agent: How many pieces?
Caller: One.
Agent: Okay, I've scheduled the driver, and he'll be there today between now and eight.
Caller: Thank you.
Agent: You're welcome. Have a great night.
Wrong way to schedule a return:
Agent: May I have your telephone number with the area code first, please?
Caller: Uhh....what?
Agent: Your telephone number with the area code first please.
Caller: Oh. Uhhh...1, 2...3, um...56 - no, 456 - um - oh, jeez, 7890?
Agent: May I have your first and last name, please.
Caller: My what?
Agent: Your first and last name please.
Caller: Oh, um...you want my first name, too?
Agent: Yes, plase. Your first and last name.
Caller: Uh...last name Moron, first name Joe?
Agent: Thank you. Are -
Caller: What?
Agent: I said, 'thank you'. Are we picking up from a business or a residence?
Caller: Okay, so, like, I got this phone from NotRogers? And it didn't work? So I"m sending it back and they said to call you guys?
Agent: All right, that's what we're picking up, but from where?
Caller: It's a cell phone...
Agent: Yes, and are we picking it up from your workplace or your home?
Caller: My home...I guesss...
Agent: Okay, I'll need your street address and your postal code please.
Caller: My area code?
Agent: No. Your street address and your postal code, please.
Caller: Oh. Umm...1234 Blank Street, Genericville *pause*
Agent: *waits* *gives up* OK, and your -
Caller: *Province* *pause*
Agent: *waits longer* *gives up* And your postal code, please.
Caller: A1A0A0.
Agent: Thank you. Is your shipment ready to be picked up?
Caller: Yeah, I got a label?
Agent: Is the label on the box? Is it ready to go?
Caller: Uhh..I guess so. It's going to NotRogers? Cause I got it and it doesn't work?
Agent: Right. So can the driver come get it today?
Caller: Huh? Oh. Yeah.
Agent: Should the driver come to the front door for this?
Caller: Huh?
Agent: Should the driver come knock on the front door?
Caller: Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.
Agent: Will this be staying within Canada? *note, I eventually gave up asking this of NotRogers customers*
Caller: Uhhh... Yes... hang on *rustling* It's going to, uhhh... Ontario? Brampton Ontario?
Agent: On the label above the big barcode in the centre, does it say Standard, Ground, or Saver?
Caller: Hang on, I gotta go get it. *more rustling, a few thumps* Okay, which number did you want?
Agent: No. I don't need a number. Look to see if it says Standard, Ground, or Saver.
Caller: *reads everything except what I asked*
Agent: Does anything say Standard, Ground or Saver?
Caller: No. Oh, it says Standard though.
Agent: *knows better than to even try asking for the number of pieces, and besides, it would have spilled out with the rest of the life story* In the same area, you'll see a tracking number.
Caller: Yeah, it's there.
Agent: Okay. I don't need it. Copy down the tracking number from the label and keep it for your own records.
Caller: Oh, okay. Hang on. *more rustling* Okay, what's the number?
Agent: It's on the label. You don't get it from me, you write it down for yourself.
Caller: O-kayy...Where is it? *reads entire label again* Which one is it?
Agent: Between Standard and the barcode. Where it says Tracking Number.
Caller: Oh! You want that?
Agent: No.
Caller: 2A -
Agent: You don't give it to me. You write it down so you can track your shipment.
Caller: Um...okay...
Agent: I've scheduled the driver and he'll be there today between now and eight.
Caller: When will the driver be here?
Agent: Between now and eight o'clock.
Caller: Today?
Agent: Yes
Caller: Um...okay. Is there anything else?
Agent: No. That's it. Have a good night.
Caller: Oh. You too. *silence*
Agent: *gives five seconds, hits release*
I made chicken masala for dinner tonight. Delish. I swear, I could be happy just sitting and breathing in the smell of garam masala all day.
Right way to schedule a return:
Agent: May I have your phone number with the area code first, please?
Caller: 123-456-7890.
Agent: May I have your first and last name, please?
Caller: Joe Smith.
Agent: Thank you. Are we picking up from a business or a residence?
Caller: A residence.
Agent: Okay, I'll need your street address and your postal code, please.
Caller: 1234 Blank Street, A1A0A0.
Agent: Thank you. Is your shipment ready to be picked up?
Caller: Yes.
Agent: Do you have either a computer-generated shipping label or a preprinted waybill?
Caller: Yes, I've got a label.
Agent: Should the driver come to your front door?
Caller: Yes. *gives location*
Agent: Will this be staying within Canada?
Caller: Yes it will.
Agent: Does any item in your pickup weigh over 70 pounds?
Caller: No.
Agent: On your label, near the big barcode in the centre, it'll give you the level of service. Does it say Standard, Ground, or Saver?
Caller: Standard.
Agent: How many pieces?
Caller: One.
Agent: Okay, I've scheduled the driver, and he'll be there today between now and eight.
Caller: Thank you.
Agent: You're welcome. Have a great night.
Wrong way to schedule a return:
Agent: May I have your telephone number with the area code first, please?
Caller: Uhh....what?
Agent: Your telephone number with the area code first please.
Caller: Oh. Uhhh...1, 2...3, um...56 - no, 456 - um - oh, jeez, 7890?
Agent: May I have your first and last name, please.
Caller: My what?
Agent: Your first and last name please.
Caller: Oh, um...you want my first name, too?
Agent: Yes, plase. Your first and last name.
Caller: Uh...last name Moron, first name Joe?
Agent: Thank you. Are -
Caller: What?
Agent: I said, 'thank you'. Are we picking up from a business or a residence?
Caller: Okay, so, like, I got this phone from NotRogers? And it didn't work? So I"m sending it back and they said to call you guys?
Agent: All right, that's what we're picking up, but from where?
Caller: It's a cell phone...
Agent: Yes, and are we picking it up from your workplace or your home?
Caller: My home...I guesss...
Agent: Okay, I'll need your street address and your postal code please.
Caller: My area code?
Agent: No. Your street address and your postal code, please.
Caller: Oh. Umm...1234 Blank Street, Genericville *pause*
Agent: *waits* *gives up* OK, and your -
Caller: *Province* *pause*
Agent: *waits longer* *gives up* And your postal code, please.
Caller: A1A0A0.
Agent: Thank you. Is your shipment ready to be picked up?
Caller: Yeah, I got a label?
Agent: Is the label on the box? Is it ready to go?
Caller: Uhh..I guess so. It's going to NotRogers? Cause I got it and it doesn't work?
Agent: Right. So can the driver come get it today?
Caller: Huh? Oh. Yeah.
Agent: Should the driver come to the front door for this?
Caller: Huh?
Agent: Should the driver come knock on the front door?
Caller: Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.
Agent: Will this be staying within Canada? *note, I eventually gave up asking this of NotRogers customers*
Caller: Uhhh... Yes... hang on *rustling* It's going to, uhhh... Ontario? Brampton Ontario?
Agent: On the label above the big barcode in the centre, does it say Standard, Ground, or Saver?
Caller: Hang on, I gotta go get it. *more rustling, a few thumps* Okay, which number did you want?
Agent: No. I don't need a number. Look to see if it says Standard, Ground, or Saver.
Caller: *reads everything except what I asked*
Agent: Does anything say Standard, Ground or Saver?
Caller: No. Oh, it says Standard though.
Agent: *knows better than to even try asking for the number of pieces, and besides, it would have spilled out with the rest of the life story* In the same area, you'll see a tracking number.
Caller: Yeah, it's there.
Agent: Okay. I don't need it. Copy down the tracking number from the label and keep it for your own records.
Caller: Oh, okay. Hang on. *more rustling* Okay, what's the number?
Agent: It's on the label. You don't get it from me, you write it down for yourself.
Caller: O-kayy...Where is it? *reads entire label again* Which one is it?
Agent: Between Standard and the barcode. Where it says Tracking Number.
Caller: Oh! You want that?
Agent: No.
Caller: 2A -
Agent: You don't give it to me. You write it down so you can track your shipment.
Caller: Um...okay...
Agent: I've scheduled the driver and he'll be there today between now and eight.
Caller: When will the driver be here?
Agent: Between now and eight o'clock.
Caller: Today?
Agent: Yes
Caller: Um...okay. Is there anything else?
Agent: No. That's it. Have a good night.
Caller: Oh. You too. *silence*
Agent: *gives five seconds, hits release*