fuck your after-burn
so I'm having a lot of trouble shaking some depression that hit yesterday.
I texted Tim and he came over after work, around 5pm. Apparently his distance had little to do with our personal relationship, and a lot more to do with the fact that most of the staffers thought I was a slacker and didn't deserve my free ticket and shouldn't be offered one next year. Usa was not alone, her opinion was a reflection of "most" of camp, although Laurel apparently had less to say and Blue never said anything outright.
The fact is, bigger slackers showed up later, but I don't think most of them earned a ticket at Recycle camp. My only hope is that people noticed I tried a lot harder after the confrontation with Usa and worked hard through the week.
But I feel so blindsided! No one in a position of power really said anything, Lex said some indirect things but he's kindof an asshole that has never liked me and I'm pretty much over it.
Tim and I talked about it for a while, and decided that I should definitely be looking into other projects at Burning Man that are a more natural fit for my existing skills and passions. Obviously the Temple crew was a big part of that this year, but what if I don't like the design for next year? I filled out a volunteer questionnaire but those hardly guarantee free tickets.
Not sure if I even want to camp at Recycle Camp again, if I'm earning a ticket elsewhere or actually buying one. I guess I'd need to talk to Blue and Spanky, the actual manager and assistant, to determine if that's a good idea.
I sent Spanky an email right away to see if I can do anything to remedy the situation. But I feel like total shit and so frustrated that I'm too shy to speak up about needing instruction, and assuming that direction would be given as needed.
I texted Tim and he came over after work, around 5pm. Apparently his distance had little to do with our personal relationship, and a lot more to do with the fact that most of the staffers thought I was a slacker and didn't deserve my free ticket and shouldn't be offered one next year. Usa was not alone, her opinion was a reflection of "most" of camp, although Laurel apparently had less to say and Blue never said anything outright.
The fact is, bigger slackers showed up later, but I don't think most of them earned a ticket at Recycle camp. My only hope is that people noticed I tried a lot harder after the confrontation with Usa and worked hard through the week.
But I feel so blindsided! No one in a position of power really said anything, Lex said some indirect things but he's kindof an asshole that has never liked me and I'm pretty much over it.
Tim and I talked about it for a while, and decided that I should definitely be looking into other projects at Burning Man that are a more natural fit for my existing skills and passions. Obviously the Temple crew was a big part of that this year, but what if I don't like the design for next year? I filled out a volunteer questionnaire but those hardly guarantee free tickets.
Not sure if I even want to camp at Recycle Camp again, if I'm earning a ticket elsewhere or actually buying one. I guess I'd need to talk to Blue and Spanky, the actual manager and assistant, to determine if that's a good idea.
I sent Spanky an email right away to see if I can do anything to remedy the situation. But I feel like total shit and so frustrated that I'm too shy to speak up about needing instruction, and assuming that direction would be given as needed.