Story?
I had a character pop into my head a while back and start talking. He? She? Well technically the person doing the talking is male, so we'll go with that. Anyway, he wouldn't shut up, so I wrote down what he said. It never went anywhere, and probably never will, so I'm posting it here. I think it's supposed to be about a trans girl who isn't out to anyone and so created a male alter-ego in order to fit into the role society expects her to play, and now the alter-ego has kind of taken over.
Some days you just sit there under that window and sob your eyes out. Quit being a fucking cry baby. I’m just following the script. I do what they say, and talk it up til they believe. Oh, they want to believe, so it ain’t hard. You just gotta hide the fears they tell you to hide. Not that I’m scared or nothing. Here, pull yourself together now. Fuck if I wanna be spending my time down here listening to your drama. We’re just a boy. That’s what we have to be, because that’s what they say you are. Now buck up. Blue’s not such a bad color, really. And I had to cut our hair. It needed it. God, we’d have started looking like a sissy soon. That’s the last thing I need. Short hair’s easier to keep clean anyway.
It’s the fifteenth of May already. Did you know that? It’s our birthday today. That’s the only reason I’m spending time with you down here. You could at least be considerate enough to hold a damn conversation. But no, you just sit under that freaking window and cry. Hurt, and scared, sobbing in that pretty dress you wanted to touch, to wear, to see what it would be like just once.
Pretty? Fuck no! What am I saying? It’s girly, and frilly, and... pink. Our favorite color is red. You hear me? Red. And don’t give me any of that shit about them being the same thing. They fucking aren’t. Pink is so- so washed out, and it has no character.
Can you even hear me? Do you even know what I’m saying? Would you listen, if you could hear me? I’ll take that as a no, after all I locked you up down here. The room’s big enough, but it does seem rather cold and stark. Just remember you brought this on yourself. The one window is so small, and so high up, and dark. I see your new scratches on the wall go halfway up to it now. It’s too high up for you yet. By the time you grow big enough to reach it, well, then you’ll be too big to fit through. I‘m not saying this to hurt you, just stating the facts. Stop crying for a minute would ya? I”m trying to talk to you here. What was I saying? Oh yes. This really is your fault. You made me. You knew you wouldn’t be able to survive out there, so you made me to do it for you. But I knew what you wouldn’t admit to yourself. Even then I knew. You’ll never be able to survive out there. Not until you learn to accept the script. So if I keep you in here, well, it’s for your own good. I put you in here to protect you, to keep you safe.
Oh fucking shut up already! I bought you the dress didn’t I? I bought it when no one was looking. Told them it was for my sister. Just don’t let anyone see us in it. Don’t need anyone thinking we’re a fairy now do we?
Some days you just sit there under that window and sob your eyes out. Quit being a fucking cry baby. I’m just following the script. I do what they say, and talk it up til they believe. Oh, they want to believe, so it ain’t hard. You just gotta hide the fears they tell you to hide. Not that I’m scared or nothing. Here, pull yourself together now. Fuck if I wanna be spending my time down here listening to your drama. We’re just a boy. That’s what we have to be, because that’s what they say you are. Now buck up. Blue’s not such a bad color, really. And I had to cut our hair. It needed it. God, we’d have started looking like a sissy soon. That’s the last thing I need. Short hair’s easier to keep clean anyway.
It’s the fifteenth of May already. Did you know that? It’s our birthday today. That’s the only reason I’m spending time with you down here. You could at least be considerate enough to hold a damn conversation. But no, you just sit under that freaking window and cry. Hurt, and scared, sobbing in that pretty dress you wanted to touch, to wear, to see what it would be like just once.
Pretty? Fuck no! What am I saying? It’s girly, and frilly, and... pink. Our favorite color is red. You hear me? Red. And don’t give me any of that shit about them being the same thing. They fucking aren’t. Pink is so- so washed out, and it has no character.
Can you even hear me? Do you even know what I’m saying? Would you listen, if you could hear me? I’ll take that as a no, after all I locked you up down here. The room’s big enough, but it does seem rather cold and stark. Just remember you brought this on yourself. The one window is so small, and so high up, and dark. I see your new scratches on the wall go halfway up to it now. It’s too high up for you yet. By the time you grow big enough to reach it, well, then you’ll be too big to fit through. I‘m not saying this to hurt you, just stating the facts. Stop crying for a minute would ya? I”m trying to talk to you here. What was I saying? Oh yes. This really is your fault. You made me. You knew you wouldn’t be able to survive out there, so you made me to do it for you. But I knew what you wouldn’t admit to yourself. Even then I knew. You’ll never be able to survive out there. Not until you learn to accept the script. So if I keep you in here, well, it’s for your own good. I put you in here to protect you, to keep you safe.
Oh fucking shut up already! I bought you the dress didn’t I? I bought it when no one was looking. Told them it was for my sister. Just don’t let anyone see us in it. Don’t need anyone thinking we’re a fairy now do we?