So I am forced to find a dream worth fighting for...
I just came from watching Wall-e and whoa that movie was good. It's the type of movie you take a girl to go see and as it progresses you find that both of you are slowly getting closer physically. As in holding hands, crossing arms, hugging. Very cute stuff. It made me feel for the character which is very hard for people to do these days, especially with me being such a strict critic towards movies. Anyways, after the movie I came back and turned down a few offers to hang out, go to the mall, go eat, party, etc. and I just sat down and closed the shades and started reading quotes. I never know where to start with quotes 'cause there’s an endless amount of topics so I search for a random word and then I start to read and click different spots etc etc. The word I searched for was "Alone" since I was thinking of Wall-e and I got some quotes which made me smile and before I knew it I had wayyy too many tabs opened. I can't seem to close them at the thought of knowing I’ll probably forget them...so let me share them on here:
"I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.” -Virginia Satir
“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” -Orson Welles
“Whoever starts out toward the unknown must consent to venture alone” -Andre Gide
After that last quote, there was this part under it which shows quotes that people thought were similar to the one above. On the side of the first quote was the line "Love Quotes" and...c'mon...I clicked that shitttt lol I'm a sucker for love quotes. I found a lot of ‘em but here are some that stood out to me:
“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone-we find it with another.” -Thomas Merton
“Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.” -Friedrich Nietzsche
“An artist is always alone / if he is an artist. No, what the artist needs is loneliness.” -Henry Miller
“Wisdom comes alone through suffering.” -Aeschylus
“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.” -William Somerset
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” -Mother Teresa
“Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.”
“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.”
“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
And yeah those were the love quotes. After that when I was about to close the tab because I knew if I kept reading...I wouldn't stop @_@ But there was one quote that was long than the rest and something just pushed me towards it. It turns out that this quote I read was one which I found before in my past and I guess I forgot about it. It was during one of the first relationships where I fell for a girl and I guess I thought I was in love? I don't know but what I do know is that this quote assured me that who I am is a true person and someone who has a lot of love to give. Here it is:
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
That makes me smile and then makes me feel like shit. I know that right now I'm just keeping busy. I'm going out with friends each night, going to more parties than usual, looking for a job not for the money but for the time consumption, etc. Right now I’m not really living. Just passing time and waiting for tomorrow. I feel hollow right now. Especially knowing that the smile's I put upon my face are just temporary and to help me forget that there's a larger task at hand. This is where I start pushing towards my future. This is where I take the first steps to leave from here.