My Mind... My heart...
Tonight we celebrated my mother's graduation from college with a bachelors of science. Things went as well as they could, until Sean and I got into it. His inconsiderate roommate has the nerve to call him over and over begging him to come have a "Guys Night" while he is supposed to be celebrating my mom's success with my family which he has become apart of over the years. After these phone calls his attitude changed dramatically from the sweet-hearted happy go lucky guy he can be, to this cranky, "tired", quiet guy with no personality. I asked him what the deal was, and he said "Would you be upset if I left...?" (After he promised to spend the evening with my family last night) I replied "Yes... Why would you want to do that... isn't this important to you..." We ended up getting in a fight over it. I have come to the conclusion that since he has lived with the immature, inconsiderate, relationship inept, codependent; he has been flaking out on me quite often. I do not understand what is going on with him. I became furious at him (in private of course) and told him to go ahead and leave. I did not want him to stay if he was just going to sit around wishing he was somewhere else. Then he decided not to leave because I was upset. We tried to go on with the evening, and instead of trying to have fun, he just stood around with boredom and dissatisfaction. We fought some more, and then he left because he was so "exhausted", leaving me in tears. He then meets up with his moronic friends for a guys night. Men are scum, screw him. I sometimes wonder if he truly want to be with me, I sometimes question if he loves me. I wonder... It hurts to think such things... The anguish is sometimes so overwhelming that I can only cry.