Stress, Horror, Love
Once again, I failed to really keep my posting of this frequent. I know I know, bad me! But it is pretty difficult to write something when you're uninspired, busy, or just plain forgot about it. And all three of those things have been a pretty big factor so far.
As you can see as the Subject of this post, I got three matters to adress: Stress, Horror and Love.
Three subjects I could talk on about for ages, but there's no way I will be able to type up as much as I'd like. Let's start with the first one and work our little list down, shall we?
Stress!
Stress is very present in my life at the moment. Mostly because today I had my first day of my testweek. With two subjects, Management&Organisation and English. Management&Organisation is by far, my worst subject. I am able to do all the excersis in class, understand what is going on and such. But with the test today, as with almost every other test of this subject, I didn't feel very confident about it. Quite frankly, most of the very first page I just stared at, having no clue, and just filling in bullshit answers in an attempt to write down atleast something which will be wrong either way. I got more tests coming up, so I am very usy with studying and trying to remember all the things I need to force into my brain.
Not only school is giving me a large amount of stress. Having turned 18 comes with a lot of responsibilities, as for example: I will now have to pay for my own health care. Which is pretty tricky considering I so far have failed to find a job. So that is a big stress factor as well, because I will need a job to pay my own bills, and possibly help out my mother (we aren't so wealthy in our income).
So the stress is definitely getting to me on that part as well. But it will all work out in the end. I'd just wish it would work out sooner rather than later.
Horror!
Personally, I absolutely hate horror stuff. I won't watch a horror movie voluntarily, not play a terrible horror game, or anything else related to it. The strange part of it being, I did watch a walkthrough of a survival horror game: Project Zero 1 (or Fatal Frame 1, whichever you prefer). I watched it at the same time as Marcella (http://x-akako.livejournal.com/), pretty much being on msn in the evening, saying when to go so that our vids are running at the same time and screaming at eachother in the chat while slowly dying from fear because of ghosts hunting us and our only weapon of defense is a Camera. Yeah, taking pics of ghosts hurts them apparently. Yay! I guess that we were able to even watch the walkthrough was because the walkthrough actually had commentary along with it, whom the player screams in and gets freaked out as much (maybe even more than) as us. If you are for some reason interested: http://www.youtube.com/user/pyschadelicsnake. Please also check out his other walkthroughs, me and my friend love 'em.
Me and my friend finished watching the walkthrough today actually, and the ending fucked us up. An ending we do not agree with, at all! I won't tell you anything about what happened though, don't want to spoil the fun for you (whoever reads this and checks it out).
Love!
Oh yes, here we go again. The one thing that kills you slowly yet feels pretty damn good at the same time!
As some of you may know, I used to date a guy that lived in the UK (while I live in the Netherlands). And that lasted for about two years. No, I am not getting back with him, don't get the wrong idea. I haven't even spoken to him in a pretty long time. I think we reached the mark of hatred towards eachother, considering he even shut a mutual friend of ours out of his life completely by just removing her from everything and what not. Which is still striking me as somewhat odd. BUT, we're getting sidetracked here.
I once again found love, but further away this time. Yep, not a guy in my own country as you might think I would do after the obviously not working relationship I had before. Oh no, I just decided to search it even further awayyyyy! (No, I did not search for it!) America, sound far away enough? It does to me!
I had even told myself, as wel as being told by my mother and multiple friends, to just try and find a guy in my own country. Come on, it is not like I asked to fall in love with someone living across the globe. That is one of the shitty things of feelings, you can't help them. They live their own life, and you will just have to accept the choices they make.
As unplanned and no doubt fucking weird it sounds to anyone that may read this, I believe I have fallen for him big time. As in fallen flat on my face, got run over by a truck, only to trip and fall on my face again (had a much more spectaculair example earlier but I forgot!).
No doubt I will get some flares from my friends who know this or read this, but hey, what am I supposed to do about it? Last time having such a long distance relationship made me pretty miserable (according to others). Will it be the same this time, I think only time will tell. If we even stay together and will ever even meet is also a big gamble. But life would be so boring without taking any risks, now wouldn't it?
Rock on!
-serenitiv-
Pic of the day
