Zack back from Iraq
I was just about floored when I found out that Zack was back from Iraq. He wasn't supposed to come back until after I left. This was another great reason for joining the military. I just wasn't ready to see him and this way I would be gone before he got back and after my enlistment was up chances are I'd never see him again. He got back early. Really early. I didn't realize how much I still haven't let go. I don't understand why I can't just put this aside. It seems like he has only been gone a few weeks. Have I really had an entire year away from him. Wasn't this supposed to be perfect timing. He deployed right after our divorce hearing then I had a year to deal with it. Have I really been stupid enough to just put it on the back burner and ignore it. Isn't that how one gets over this stuff. Then why does this tear me up so much...why does it still hurt. Why do I still want him. He was a bad husband. I don't think he ever did really love me. So why is it everytime I hear his voice I look for clues that he wants me still. Well thats silly cause I know he does. He has told me as much. WHY CAN'T I JUST FUCKING LET GO AND BE DONE WITH THIS SHIT. Why do I still look for him when I'm upset or when I wake up from a nightmare. Why do I still have to bite my tongue so that I don't call the fellas i'm with by his name. Why am I not over this by now. Why can't I let go. Why am I sitting here crying feeling like I'm going to dye as I type this. Doesn't it go way. Doesn't it end. It seems like no matter how hard I try I can't make my feelings for him go way completely. When I think that I feel nothing for him the smallest thing can take me right back to the beginning. I'm so frustrated.
On top of all of this I have to defend my honor tonight. Frigging asshole I dated once. His buddy is leaving and he thinks he can call me up all of a sudden and not only sleep with him but give his buddy a good time too. Is he out of his damn mind. Sorry not that kind of girl...doesn't fucking work that way. Same fella who has been hounding my girl for the last couple of months trying to get me to talk to him and take him back. Lying cheating son of a bitch. what a stupid dumb ass,
I'M SO FRUSTRATED I'M GOING TO PULL OUT MY HAIR.
On top of all of this I have to defend my honor tonight. Frigging asshole I dated once. His buddy is leaving and he thinks he can call me up all of a sudden and not only sleep with him but give his buddy a good time too. Is he out of his damn mind. Sorry not that kind of girl...doesn't fucking work that way. Same fella who has been hounding my girl for the last couple of months trying to get me to talk to him and take him back. Lying cheating son of a bitch. what a stupid dumb ass,
I'M SO FRUSTRATED I'M GOING TO PULL OUT MY HAIR.