thoughts to think on
CRAP CRAP CRAP
so much shit has happened. and i want to record it before the year ends.
i'm in love with dan....
i'm losing my mind...
um. i'm unemployed.
out of school indefinitely.
i feel lots of things for lots of people.
i'm high right now....sorta.
i don't want to date anyone.
i don't think i want to ever again ever.
once is bad enough.
i don't want to be alone.
sleeping with someone under the covers makes things so much better.
i want to do a lot of things
part of that is what makes me feel so half baked.
and makes me feel overwhelmed.
i guess that's a lot better than just being terrified of fucking up.
i don't know what's happening to me.
i want out in so many different ways.
it's been getting more and more important and urgent all week long.
i've also been listening to arcade fire and tv on the radio non-stop.
i've been getting more emotionally careless. (angry and attached and sad)
i spent two hours on the floor last night crying before i did the dishes because i was aware of things. like, everything meshed into me at once and i felt how sad and silly and fleeting and lovely and ugly and ironic everything was including the ability to feel that way. and i wonder if i'm losing it. i sound crazy. i was told that i sound crazy when i try to express this. i need to figure out how to really trust myself again. i was so confident in myself not even a month ago.
i have to sleep.
EDIT::
the phrases "i'm in love with dan" and "i'm losing my mind" are not related in any way other than that i feel like both is happening. even though the latter happened far more recently than the former started.
so much shit has happened. and i want to record it before the year ends.
i'm in love with dan....
i'm losing my mind...
um. i'm unemployed.
out of school indefinitely.
i feel lots of things for lots of people.
i'm high right now....sorta.
i don't want to date anyone.
i don't think i want to ever again ever.
once is bad enough.
i don't want to be alone.
sleeping with someone under the covers makes things so much better.
i want to do a lot of things
part of that is what makes me feel so half baked.
and makes me feel overwhelmed.
i guess that's a lot better than just being terrified of fucking up.
i don't know what's happening to me.
i want out in so many different ways.
it's been getting more and more important and urgent all week long.
i've also been listening to arcade fire and tv on the radio non-stop.
i've been getting more emotionally careless. (angry and attached and sad)
i spent two hours on the floor last night crying before i did the dishes because i was aware of things. like, everything meshed into me at once and i felt how sad and silly and fleeting and lovely and ugly and ironic everything was including the ability to feel that way. and i wonder if i'm losing it. i sound crazy. i was told that i sound crazy when i try to express this. i need to figure out how to really trust myself again. i was so confident in myself not even a month ago.
i have to sleep.
EDIT::
the phrases "i'm in love with dan" and "i'm losing my mind" are not related in any way other than that i feel like both is happening. even though the latter happened far more recently than the former started.