INTROVERT.
Current Thought: For all the things I stand for, I'm finding myself more lost.
(Not because of what I stand for, but what I don't have anymore.)
Last night I drove Lou, Joe, Jenn and myself up to New Brunswick to visit Alicia.
Earlier that day I tried to drive out to Mt Holly and Freehold to drop off paperwork with Six Flags and get my iPod fixed, respectively. Neither happened and it kind of stressed me out.
I'm broke.
The next check is the last check I'll get that has more than 8 hours on it.
Read as: FUCK.
Ahem: FUCK.
So, that sucks.
And lately I've just noticed how out of shape I am. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally...I'm just very out of touch with things. Last night while trying to write out my frustrations, my mom came into the room (at 3AM) and tried to talk to me about how she's been getting worried about me. The idea was good, so were the intentions...I just can't listen to her without turning my anger on her instead. And I know that won't help. I know she won't help me, and that makes me more angry at her. (Not to say she won't help me, but she won't help me in the way I want. In truth: Beggars can't be choosers, right?)
Here I am, with a VERY big choice in front of me. 1-Stay where I am. Possibly lose all this opportunity, remain at QuickChek and have a mediocre summer while I brew into a loathsome human being; both loathing and worthy of it. 2-(Which is the better option but oh-so-much harder) Get up. Clean up. Get out. Fix things. Get out of QC, get a better job, make my life generally more pleasant. Detach myself from the loneliness that has plagued me for who knows how long. Have a hell of a summer in both positive and stressful ways. Grow into my own.
Of course, the second option is what I want. I know it's there. I know if I don't take it soon I WILL be locked into the first "option." Truth is, these aren't options, they're just possibilities. I have to do this right. Thing is, it has never EVER seemed easier to accept defeat. And the point in which I need the most support, I know I can't rely on it. With that, I remind you all that no news is still good news. If you hear of me being in trouble, I really am. If you hear of me doing well, AWESOME. If you don't hear from me at all, just know that I'm working my ass off.
This is going to be a long summer. I've got a lot of plans. Both for myself and for the world.
First it's me.
-Maggie.
(Not because of what I stand for, but what I don't have anymore.)
Last night I drove Lou, Joe, Jenn and myself up to New Brunswick to visit Alicia.
Earlier that day I tried to drive out to Mt Holly and Freehold to drop off paperwork with Six Flags and get my iPod fixed, respectively. Neither happened and it kind of stressed me out.
I'm broke.
The next check is the last check I'll get that has more than 8 hours on it.
Read as: FUCK.
Ahem: FUCK.
So, that sucks.
And lately I've just noticed how out of shape I am. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally...I'm just very out of touch with things. Last night while trying to write out my frustrations, my mom came into the room (at 3AM) and tried to talk to me about how she's been getting worried about me. The idea was good, so were the intentions...I just can't listen to her without turning my anger on her instead. And I know that won't help. I know she won't help me, and that makes me more angry at her. (Not to say she won't help me, but she won't help me in the way I want. In truth: Beggars can't be choosers, right?)
Here I am, with a VERY big choice in front of me. 1-Stay where I am. Possibly lose all this opportunity, remain at QuickChek and have a mediocre summer while I brew into a loathsome human being; both loathing and worthy of it. 2-(Which is the better option but oh-so-much harder) Get up. Clean up. Get out. Fix things. Get out of QC, get a better job, make my life generally more pleasant. Detach myself from the loneliness that has plagued me for who knows how long. Have a hell of a summer in both positive and stressful ways. Grow into my own.
Of course, the second option is what I want. I know it's there. I know if I don't take it soon I WILL be locked into the first "option." Truth is, these aren't options, they're just possibilities. I have to do this right. Thing is, it has never EVER seemed easier to accept defeat. And the point in which I need the most support, I know I can't rely on it. With that, I remind you all that no news is still good news. If you hear of me being in trouble, I really am. If you hear of me doing well, AWESOME. If you don't hear from me at all, just know that I'm working my ass off.
This is going to be a long summer. I've got a lot of plans. Both for myself and for the world.
First it's me.
-Maggie.