on the nature of love, and loss
So tonight I find myself musing on the nature of love and what it's all supposed to be about...
i'm looking forward into the future and wondering what my love life will hold... what do i want from love and a relationship? comfort? companionship? intimacy? love? passion? sex? intensity? emotion? tragedy and heartbreak? all of the above?
i defninately crave intensity... sometimes i think that i'm an emotional masochist because when i'm experiencing heartbreak i revel in it... i cry, i experience the pain as fully as I can, I mull over everything that's happened and I lie in bed at night thinking about it...but even though at times my heart is aching, there's a certain pleasure in that ache. It makes me know that I'm alive, It makes me aware that my heart is open and full of emotion, it makes me know that there are things that I WANT and i WANT them badly. it makes me aware that i am capable of great passion.
but is that what love is about in modern life? it all seems so pedestrian and boring...where is the great tragic love... it's one of the things i love about celtic myths... my favourite myth is that of Deirdre... it strikes a resonance within me. she instantly falls in love as she views Naoise with his pale skin, dark hair and ruby cheeks, from a distance and has a moment of insight or vision where she knows he will be her great passion. When Naoise is taken from her, her sorrow is so intense that she does not eat, she barely lifts her head from her knee and speaks only when spoken to. rather than submit to the attentions of the king, her husband, she throws herself from a chariot dashing her head against a rock and dying as her blood soaks into the ground.
I WANT love so strong that i would rather die to rejoin my lover, die rather than move on, die rather than live without someone... I know this is overblown and grotesquely romantic... but right now I yearn fo that... do anything love...god what is wrong with the world where all the passion is missing... where life is about getting up and going to work and existing?....
i'm looking forward into the future and wondering what my love life will hold... what do i want from love and a relationship? comfort? companionship? intimacy? love? passion? sex? intensity? emotion? tragedy and heartbreak? all of the above?
i defninately crave intensity... sometimes i think that i'm an emotional masochist because when i'm experiencing heartbreak i revel in it... i cry, i experience the pain as fully as I can, I mull over everything that's happened and I lie in bed at night thinking about it...but even though at times my heart is aching, there's a certain pleasure in that ache. It makes me know that I'm alive, It makes me aware that my heart is open and full of emotion, it makes me know that there are things that I WANT and i WANT them badly. it makes me aware that i am capable of great passion.
but is that what love is about in modern life? it all seems so pedestrian and boring...where is the great tragic love... it's one of the things i love about celtic myths... my favourite myth is that of Deirdre... it strikes a resonance within me. she instantly falls in love as she views Naoise with his pale skin, dark hair and ruby cheeks, from a distance and has a moment of insight or vision where she knows he will be her great passion. When Naoise is taken from her, her sorrow is so intense that she does not eat, she barely lifts her head from her knee and speaks only when spoken to. rather than submit to the attentions of the king, her husband, she throws herself from a chariot dashing her head against a rock and dying as her blood soaks into the ground.
I WANT love so strong that i would rather die to rejoin my lover, die rather than move on, die rather than live without someone... I know this is overblown and grotesquely romantic... but right now I yearn fo that... do anything love...god what is wrong with the world where all the passion is missing... where life is about getting up and going to work and existing?....