oh there that is
It's come to my attention tonight that, when bored, I can become incredibly destructive. Self-destructive, even. I just get into trouble. I make trouble. I want entertainment, I want something to do, I want something to play with, so I court trouble.
I know this about myself, I've seen it before. So, it's not surprising, really. It was just that I stood outside of myself and watched myself do it tonight with a kind of fascination.
I have a very self-destructive part of myself, which generally does not wrestle control away from my logical side very often. It certainly contributes to things I do, but the attitude is often different. Tonight, I was just in a "I really do not give a fuck" place. Consequences be damned. Outcome be damned.
So, naturally, I sent a specifically worded text to the guy that I seem unable to walk away from. I found that every thing I sent today had an air of, "I just don't give a fuck" after I sent it. I don't fucking care, that's the place I got to tonight. Yes, I care, I like this person, I care for him, but I am so tired of the bullshit, the game playing, the waiting and tip-toeing, the playing nice so as to not upset him, etc. I really just didn't give a fuck. I was looking for something new tonight.
I just don't give a fuck right now.
I know this about myself, I've seen it before. So, it's not surprising, really. It was just that I stood outside of myself and watched myself do it tonight with a kind of fascination.
I have a very self-destructive part of myself, which generally does not wrestle control away from my logical side very often. It certainly contributes to things I do, but the attitude is often different. Tonight, I was just in a "I really do not give a fuck" place. Consequences be damned. Outcome be damned.
So, naturally, I sent a specifically worded text to the guy that I seem unable to walk away from. I found that every thing I sent today had an air of, "I just don't give a fuck" after I sent it. I don't fucking care, that's the place I got to tonight. Yes, I care, I like this person, I care for him, but I am so tired of the bullshit, the game playing, the waiting and tip-toeing, the playing nice so as to not upset him, etc. I really just didn't give a fuck. I was looking for something new tonight.
I just don't give a fuck right now.