What an odd night can bring...
Wow.. well this week has been strange. First jaymie and I brake up.. Then we try and be friends.. witch I thougth was going ok untill i went to her house yesterday.. we were supost to hang out.. but insted, She wanted to " talk about things". What a bad Idea. I didnt want to talk about things.. cant anything ever just be over. I have already had One relationship that was dragged out into eturnity.. im sick of that .. from now on its like.. buck up and be friends or move on.
i guess I said some pretty mean things to her, but she asked for it, she wanted the truth... and I wasnt going to lie.
After she hung up the phone.. which sounded like she was going to cry.. i cought myself laughing... witch I havent done to someone in pain in a long time.. later, last night... I just felt sick..
Not because I was alone... not because, i told the truth.. but because I had just turned into the person that had hurt me soo much so long ago.. it was almost umbarable to live with.
I dont know, i have about One million things running through my head right now.. and none of them envolve getting back togeather with jaymie. Thats how I know.. How I know I wasnt in love with her.. How I know it was just good at the time. It seems shitty I know.. And I know she thinks that I want to get back with felisity.. but thats not even it.. I just wanted out of a bad situation.. and this time i bucked up and did it withought haveing to use someone elce as a gaurd. I know that somewhere out there, ther is someone who was made for me.. and for the first time, im begaining to think that maby it wasnt who I thought it was... maby its someone I wont meet for another teen years or so. Or maby it is that person.. only time will tell, but in the meantime.. im only doinf things for myself.. be it sellp with someone or go to school. im out for me.. should something amazing come along.. great.. if it dosent O -well. I will have made my life on my own by myself.. not realying on anyone to make me happy, except me.. and that is the greatest thing I can sort-out in my head at this time.
i guess I said some pretty mean things to her, but she asked for it, she wanted the truth... and I wasnt going to lie.
After she hung up the phone.. which sounded like she was going to cry.. i cought myself laughing... witch I havent done to someone in pain in a long time.. later, last night... I just felt sick..
Not because I was alone... not because, i told the truth.. but because I had just turned into the person that had hurt me soo much so long ago.. it was almost umbarable to live with.
I dont know, i have about One million things running through my head right now.. and none of them envolve getting back togeather with jaymie. Thats how I know.. How I know I wasnt in love with her.. How I know it was just good at the time. It seems shitty I know.. And I know she thinks that I want to get back with felisity.. but thats not even it.. I just wanted out of a bad situation.. and this time i bucked up and did it withought haveing to use someone elce as a gaurd. I know that somewhere out there, ther is someone who was made for me.. and for the first time, im begaining to think that maby it wasnt who I thought it was... maby its someone I wont meet for another teen years or so. Or maby it is that person.. only time will tell, but in the meantime.. im only doinf things for myself.. be it sellp with someone or go to school. im out for me.. should something amazing come along.. great.. if it dosent O -well. I will have made my life on my own by myself.. not realying on anyone to make me happy, except me.. and that is the greatest thing I can sort-out in my head at this time.