Just Let Go
Life has been a little less than perfect the last few days, to say the least, but there's been a lot of good in that bad and I need to focus on that. So what do I tackle first? The good news or the bad? Meh...
Maybe I'll just see-saw back and forth as the thoughts come to my mind.
I had the chance to talk to Jodi yesterday for what seems like the first time in a week. Things are looking up for her, but she's still having a hard time with Tre. I hate that she hurts over him because he's been nothing but a moron, but we can't really control our feelings. I wish I could just to shove a lot of sharp items up that fucker's backside for all his usery. Then again, that wouldn't make Jodi happy. No. In the end, she wrote him a letter about how she felt and I think that was forthe best. I just wish that all the good people in the world could find perfect happiness.
My doctor has been playing around with my meds recently. So - haha - I guess that means, yeah, I'm back on meds. This happened some time ago, and I didn't want to talk about it here because, well...it's embarassing. It's really embarassing to say that I have to be put on things that I think of as "mood supplements." First they gave me stuff to control my anxiety, but now my doctor thinks he's found a better route to evening out my moods (ie my aggression/depression). What is it? No, it's not prozac, it's birth control. Yeah, I'm totally serious. He thinks that evening out one of my hormonal systems would help control a lot of things, including my nymphomania.
To function like a normal girl...I can't wait ^.^
On that note, some of you may have noticed spikes and lows in my moods recently. Not that it excuses my actions, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for any of you who had to deal with the RAH RAH GRR boo stuff. Jodi and Gregg especially.
Gregg...Sometimes I think we don't deserve one another. It's awkward and wonderful all at the same time. What's hard for him is that everone sees him deal with the shit I put out and he has to take even more slack for doing it. What's hard for me is that no one ever sees the when I comfort him, or change plans for him or anything. So I come out as the bitch and it makes me bitter. This weekend, Gregg went on a hunting trip with his brother, dad, cousin and uncle. While there I guess Erick and Lou were teasing him about me. That - on top of the cold - got to him and he came back in a state of disrepair. I held him in my arms for a while and told him everything was okay.
I worry about him a lot. I worry about him feeling lonely and about whether or not he's happy. After all the shit Emily pulled I think he feels completely alienated from that group of friends and, with me down in Denver, I think he feels a lot like I'm forgetting about him and just rushing into a different life. That's not the case at all. I don't want him to feel that way. At the same time, I don't want us to become so undetachably reliant on each other again. We are in different places, doing different things. I don't want us to fall apart just because of distance.
Especially since I've already experienced that this year...
I'm an adult, however, and I need to take responsibility for my actions.
More Later?