(no subject)
I have been a bad, bad girl.
And, what's more, I feel completely terrible about it all. I have committed a premeditated crime only for one purpose: to build up my ego and fulfil my frustrated desires.
That is my confession, here is the story...you make up your own minds.
Saturday night, Damian's party, I was one of very few girls there. Sure, I can be one of the boys, but I do have certain parts of me which do make me different to them, namely a bust, flexibility etc. I was, in many ways, the centre of all attention there, which was lovely. I did decide earlier (this is the premeditated bit) that I was going to have fun at this party, not necessarily pick up, but be what one guy at the party aptly put it a "cock tease". Reason for this, to get attention and to make Damian jealous and become more attracted to me...not that I want to hurt him, I love him to pieces, but I just want him to realize what he's missing out on now. Ok, so I went to this party, didn't drink much, but had a fabulous time. I did get heaps of attention from both men and women. And finally, I know what it feels like to be Damian... hot, and ooze sexuality. That's what I am now, I'm a sex bomb, literally and I can go off at any time! Anyways, I was, as Georgovic put it, a "cock tease", and a fabulous one at that. That's when Matt started paying more and more attention to me. Yes, there's another man, no, I don't love him. He's kind of attractive, in a teddy bear sort of way. But physically, he's definitely not my "type"...Damian was the epitome of my type. But that's beside the point. Matt's a sweetie and paid a huge amount of attention to me. I was his sole objective. Anyways, it got to the end of the night, well almost time that Michelle turns into a pumpkin (I have a 1:30 curfew)- it was around 1am actually. We were the only ones left at the house as everyone else left for the Palace in Camberwell. Matt comes out and says to me "All I've wanted to do all night is to kiss you." I was shellshocked and lost for words. Sure, I was there to play, but I didn't actually want anyone to take me up on it. I never realized the power I have over men. I then told Matt that I couldn't do it. He took it personally, that he wasn't attractive enough etc. I told him it wasn't that. I went on to tell him that I will be leaving in literally 2 weeks and that I can't get into a relationship etc. Lame excuse, but I don't want to hurt anyone. He just kept on looking at me and confessed that he'd never said that to a girl before. I felt bad, I thought he must kiss me, it's like his dying wish - he's not dying, but my mind can become quite elaborate at times (that's when my huge ego came into play) so, being ever so kind, I let him kiss me. It was nice, but I felt no tingles. I know it was just for him that I did it. I know it made him very, very happy (goddess knows why?) He's much more inexperienced than Damian though...I could tell. So he walked me to my car by 1:30 and I went home. That's it.
Now, here is my problem. I feel terribly guilty. For one, he's Damian's friend and what I did was totally unethical. As strange as it sounds, if it had have been Damian that I kissed that night or even slept with if it would have happend, I may have felt a little confused, but I would know it's because we do have a connection. And we are affectionate towards each other. Now I don't know what to do. I would like to see Matt and appologize for doing what I did just to make myself feel like a sex goddess, but then again, would it piss off Damian? I don't know why I care so much what Damian thinks because I know very well that he's kissed and probably even fucked other women since us breaking up. Thing is, none of them have been my friends...Matt is his friend. Bad move Michelle, you've done something you can't go back from. And now you feel this intense guilt.
What should I do?
And, what's more, I feel completely terrible about it all. I have committed a premeditated crime only for one purpose: to build up my ego and fulfil my frustrated desires.
That is my confession, here is the story...you make up your own minds.
Saturday night, Damian's party, I was one of very few girls there. Sure, I can be one of the boys, but I do have certain parts of me which do make me different to them, namely a bust, flexibility etc. I was, in many ways, the centre of all attention there, which was lovely. I did decide earlier (this is the premeditated bit) that I was going to have fun at this party, not necessarily pick up, but be what one guy at the party aptly put it a "cock tease". Reason for this, to get attention and to make Damian jealous and become more attracted to me...not that I want to hurt him, I love him to pieces, but I just want him to realize what he's missing out on now. Ok, so I went to this party, didn't drink much, but had a fabulous time. I did get heaps of attention from both men and women. And finally, I know what it feels like to be Damian... hot, and ooze sexuality. That's what I am now, I'm a sex bomb, literally and I can go off at any time! Anyways, I was, as Georgovic put it, a "cock tease", and a fabulous one at that. That's when Matt started paying more and more attention to me. Yes, there's another man, no, I don't love him. He's kind of attractive, in a teddy bear sort of way. But physically, he's definitely not my "type"...Damian was the epitome of my type. But that's beside the point. Matt's a sweetie and paid a huge amount of attention to me. I was his sole objective. Anyways, it got to the end of the night, well almost time that Michelle turns into a pumpkin (I have a 1:30 curfew)- it was around 1am actually. We were the only ones left at the house as everyone else left for the Palace in Camberwell. Matt comes out and says to me "All I've wanted to do all night is to kiss you." I was shellshocked and lost for words. Sure, I was there to play, but I didn't actually want anyone to take me up on it. I never realized the power I have over men. I then told Matt that I couldn't do it. He took it personally, that he wasn't attractive enough etc. I told him it wasn't that. I went on to tell him that I will be leaving in literally 2 weeks and that I can't get into a relationship etc. Lame excuse, but I don't want to hurt anyone. He just kept on looking at me and confessed that he'd never said that to a girl before. I felt bad, I thought he must kiss me, it's like his dying wish - he's not dying, but my mind can become quite elaborate at times (that's when my huge ego came into play) so, being ever so kind, I let him kiss me. It was nice, but I felt no tingles. I know it was just for him that I did it. I know it made him very, very happy (goddess knows why?) He's much more inexperienced than Damian though...I could tell. So he walked me to my car by 1:30 and I went home. That's it.
Now, here is my problem. I feel terribly guilty. For one, he's Damian's friend and what I did was totally unethical. As strange as it sounds, if it had have been Damian that I kissed that night or even slept with if it would have happend, I may have felt a little confused, but I would know it's because we do have a connection. And we are affectionate towards each other. Now I don't know what to do. I would like to see Matt and appologize for doing what I did just to make myself feel like a sex goddess, but then again, would it piss off Damian? I don't know why I care so much what Damian thinks because I know very well that he's kissed and probably even fucked other women since us breaking up. Thing is, none of them have been my friends...Matt is his friend. Bad move Michelle, you've done something you can't go back from. And now you feel this intense guilt.
What should I do?